Chapter 1
Marchetti
who played metal over Janelle Monáe in the locker room this morning. i need a name. i’m not mad. we just need to have a conversation
Jensen
it’s the first day Marchetti
Marchetti
AND ALREADY THE MUSIC IS LAWLESS
Berger
i’m not weighing in on the music yet because i’m still processing the coffee. which is a war crime
Jensen
the coffee is fine
Berger
Jensen you have never been more wrong about anything in your life and i say that with three cups of evidence
Marchetti
he’s right. the coffee is bad.
Thompson
it’s coffee
Berger
it’s SURVIVAL Thompson
Kowalski
my old team ran a rotating music schedule. alphabetical. Monday through Friday
Marchetti
SEE. A PROTOCOL. we need a locker room music protocol before the week is out
Thompson
we do not need a protocol
Marchetti
you don’t layer metal over Monáe. my nonna would walk in here and fix this in ten seconds
Berger
your nonna has opinions about metal music?
Marchetti
my nonna has opinions about EVERYTHING. napkin folds. cannoli integrity. the moral implications of reheating fish. metal over Monáe would not survive her
Murray
my wife says the first day of training camp is worse than the first day of school. she watched three kids and says my day sounded harder
Thompson
does she know what we do
Hájek
the facility is very beautiful in person. the ice is very good. i think the coffee is... present
Berger
“present.” Hájek that is the most diplomatic word anyone has ever used for this coffee
Hájek
in Czech we say the coffee would not survive the train station
Mueller
can we talk about something other than coffee
Jensen
ice is clean
Thompson
Locker room’s good
Mueller
...that’s the full report?
Jensen
yes
Berger
LIVE from the facility your boy Berger here with the staff report since nobody else is providing journalism
AT staff looked sharp. Brooks. good presentation. clear communicator. Miller’s the head guy, old school. whole department seemed solid
Thompson
you took notes on the staff introductions
Berger
i take notes on everything Thompson. this is known. But especially the trainer team
M?kinen
the Finnish media asked about Avi today. he said “training camp” and then stopped talking
Kowalski
Man of few words. that’s our captain
Ash
leave him alone. he doesn’t like the attention
Berger
Ash defending the captain’s media preferences. noted
Ash
i’m not defending anything. i’m stating a fact
Thompson
smooth
Ash
there was nothing to smooth
Fontenot
team dinner this week?
Murray
my wife offered. apartment fits six. two of those spots are highchairs
Marchetti
my nonna sent me a cooler of bolognese from Jersey. nine-hour sauce. i could heat it up for whoever wants in
Thompson
you brought sauce on a plane
Marchetti
i CHECKED sauce on a plane Thompson. in a cooler. with ice packs. she made me promise on her mother’s name
Avi
I can see this chat. and the coffee is fine.
Marchetti
yes cap
Berger
yes cap but the coffee is NOT fine
Thompson
yes cap
Kowalski
yes cap
Avi
Good first day. Get some rest.
Marchetti
yes cap. but the music conversation is happening
Berger
...resuming broadcast at a later time