Burn It Down #2
Marchetti
Kitten names. Go. Mine is Parker
Berger
Mouse
M?kinen
Jari
Marchetti
[photo of Parker looking below the camera]
[photo of Parker with her paw over her eyes]
[photo of Parker looking away from the camera]
Berger
Marchetti it has been four minutes
Marchetti
[photo of Parker looking above the camera]
Thompson
that’s a lot of cat photos for a man who just got a cat
Marchetti
she won’t look at the camera. she keeps looking at me instead
Berger
she’s been alive for ten weeks. she’s not in love with you. she’s assessing you for warmth and food reliability
Marchetti
you don’t know what she’s thinking
Berger
i know exactly what she’s thinking. i’ve designed a post-adoption tracking system. categories include temperament, vocalization frequency, meal enthusiasm, and willingness to be held
Mueller
willingness to be held is not a metric
Berger
Mouse scored a 9.2. she let me hold her for eleven minutes before biting me
Kowalski
that’s a 9.2?
Berger
the bite was exploratory. not hostile
Davis
what did Marchetti’s score
Berger
Marchetti’s took six minutes to select her and has not left his chest. i’m withholding her score until i’ve observed a longer window
Marchetti
her score is perfect. her score is infinity
Jensen
that’s not how scoring works
Marchetti
it is for Parker
Hájek
Jari is sitting on M?kinen’s shoulder and has not moved. i think they are the same person
M?kinen
he fits there
Thompson
eleven seconds. the man took eleven seconds to choose
M?kinen
i knew
Berger
fastest selection in franchise kitten draft history. documented
ROLL CALL. everyone post your kitten’s name and current status. Marchetti
Marchetti
Parker. asleep on my chest. perfect
Berger
Mouse. exploring the apartment. vocal
M?kinen
Jari. shoulder
Berger
Volkov?
Volkov
Mishka. He is fine.
Berger
“fine” is not a status report Volkov
Volkov
He is quiet. he is fine.
Berger
...noted. Fontenot?
Fontenot
[photo]
Murray
my wife wants photos of all five organized by name
Berger
tell her to wait for the spreadsheet
Murray
i’m not telling my wife to wait for a spreadsheet Berger
Marchetti
[photo]
[photo]
Kowalski
Marchetti STOP
Marchetti
i will not stop. my nonna cried. she says Parker looks exactly like her cat from the photograph
Thompson
which photograph
Marchetti
THE photograph. the cat from the balcony. Naples. 1987. my grandmother has been talking about this cat for decades and Parker is her reincarnation
Thompson
that’s a big claim for a ten-week-old cat from an equipment room
Lundy
i feel like we’re ignoring that Berger named his cat Mouse
Berger
the irony is intentional and layered
Lundy
you named a cat Mouse
Ash
can someone explain why i’ve received forty-seven photos in the last twenty minutes
Marchetti
because it’s the most important day in franchise history Ash
Ash
more important than the expansion draft?
Marchetti
significantly
Thommo you should come meet Parker this weekend. she needs to meet everyone on the team
Thompson
sure. let me know
Avi
The kittens need time to adjust. Give them a quiet first night. Don’t overwhelm them.
Marchetti
yes cap
Berger
yes cap
M?kinen
yes cap
Marchetti
[photo]
Avi
Marchetti.
Marchetti
sorry cap. last one
[photo]