Chapter 11
The heels of my riding boots click against the ground as I make my way into the courtyard behind the kitchens. Veronica is already waiting for the horses and talking to one of the grooms. I straighten my hat and make my way over, only to be stopped when she nods towards the kitchen door.
I turn around, my heart skipping a beat when I spot Nate waiting there with a small box in his hands. I hurry over, glad that the courtyard is more or less empty.
Confident that no one is watching, and not really caring if they are, I lean in and brush my lips against Nate's. Neither of us lingers long, but the touch is all I need to ground myself a little.
"Veronica said you needed to talk to me?" he asks, his hand brushing against my back.
I bite on my bottom lip, trying to think about the best way to say this. Despite the fact I've thought it over several times since leaving lunch, I haven't managed to come up with a way that doesn't sound like the disaster that it is.
"Evie?" There's a lot of concern in his voice and that only makes it worse.
"Mama is going to summon you to a meeting." My voice comes out strangled, and I know that there's nothing I can do to change that.
"What kind of meeting?" he asks slowly.
I look away, not able to meet his gaze. "She wants to talk about what we're serving the visiting suitors."
"Ah."
"I don't know why she thinks it's necessary, I can just talk to you on my own..." I trail off. "That's not what I mean. I don't want to have the conversation or the meeting at all. I'd rather be talking to you about what we're going to make, and..."
"Evie, take a breath," he instructs.
I close my eyes and do as he suggests. "Sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry."
"But I do. If I hadn't told you that I loved you, none of this would be happening."
He chuckles dryly. "The world doesn't revolve around you, Evie."
I blink a couple of times, not having expected him to say something like that
"The Queen is inviting me as a test to see how you react to it," he says. "And she'd have done that regardless of whether you told me you loved me."
"You don't know that."
"I do. This isn't the first time she's expressed displeasure about you spending as much time in the kitchen. The meeting is a test for you, and a reminder for me to not think above my station."
I frown, trying to make sense of what he's saying. "What do you mean?"
He lets out a sigh that almost sounds like frustration, which isn't very Nate-like. He's normally beyond patient with me, which means there's something obvious that I'm really not understanding. "I'm a servant," he reminds me. "Servants don't court princesses."
I stare at him. "That's nonsense."
"Not really."
"But..."
"Look, I know that there are members of your family who have married commoners before, but it's not the norm. The Queen is no doubt wanting to remind me that there's no hope of more with you, and that I should remember you're destined for someone of your own station."
All kinds of unfamiliar feelings are swirling around within me at his words, and I don't really know what to make of them. He's not saying them unkindly, or seeming to want me to rethink what's going on between us, but I can tell that he's also being serious.
"I don't want to be destined for someone of my own station. I don't want that. I would..."
"Give up your crown for me?" Nate finishes.
"I don't know," I respond.
He sighs. "I know you don't. And the Queen no doubt knows it as well. And the fact that your mind can't be changed on this. So she's going to do the one thing that she can do and making sure that I know that she's paying attention to us, and that she doesn't approve."
Tears prick the corners of my eyes. "Why wouldn't she just tell me?"
"She has, Evie. Many times."
I open my mouth, wanting to counter what he's saying, but realising that I can't. Mama hasn't been the most supportive of me spending time with Nate, particularly recently, and I have been trying to keep the progression in our relationship from her so that I don't have to deal with it.
Someone clears their throat from beside us, and I turn to see Camille approaching.
"Your Highness," she says with a stiff bow.
"Chef Asselin," I respond, a little in a daze.
"I am sorry to interrupt, but Chef Martina is looking for you, Nathaniel," she says in her thick Gaullessian accent. Despite knowing that what was between them has been over for years, I can't help the hint of jealousy that grows within me as a result.
He nods. "Thank you, I'll be there in a moment."
She disappears back into the kitchen.
"I brought these for you," Nate says, holding out a box. "It's the truffles we made. I thought you might want to share them with Princess Veronica while you were riding."
"Thank you." I take them from him, trying to ignore the way it feels for my fingers to brush against his.
"I didn't mean to upset you..."
"I'm not upset," I lie.
"Evie..."
"You're needed in the kitchen," I say. "We can talk later."
He looks as if he wants to say more, but I don't let him, turning around and walking away.
Veronica gives me a puzzled look, before glancing over to where Nate's still standing.
I ignore them both and slip the box of truffles into my saddlebag before going around to the mounting block and getting on my horse. I may not have any strong feelings about riding, but there's no point using it as an excuse to come down to the kitchens if I don't do it.
Veronica mounts her own horse and we set off out of the courtyard, but not before I look back to the kitchen door, only to find that Nate has gone back inside.
A tear rolls down my cheek, and I wipe it away, not wanting my sister to see.
"What happened?" she asks, clearly not fooled.
"Nothing."
"All right." She clicks her tongue to communicate with her horse.
"You're not going to insist that I tell you?" I respond.
"You'll tell me if you want to," she says. "If you don't, that's your business."
I let out a frustrated sigh. "He thinks that Mama is using the meeting about suitors to send him a message about thinking above his station. But that's ridiculous."
"Is it?"
I glance at her before looking straight ahead. I'm a competent rider, but nowhere near as confident in the saddle as my siblings are.
Veronica sighs. "I don't think he's wrong. You can be rather stubborn."
"And you can't?"
"Mama's not trying to matchmake me," she points out. "I'm sure next year when she does decide that's what she'll be doing, I'll have my own share of stubborn moments."
"What's Mama got to be annoyed at you about?" I mutter.
"That I flirt too much. That I might accidentally lead on some ladies? That there are some potential candidates who things might be a little awkward with..."
"Have you truly slept with that many members of the nobility?"
She snorts in a very unprincess-like fashion.
"Of course not. I'm very discerning about who I take to bed.
But there are some people I've rejected, and others that I share a former paramour in common with.
It can cause a little bit of awkwardness.
But that's a non-existent problem when we're talking about you. "
"I'm not stubborn," I protest.
"All right, then you're set in your ways."
"That's a wordier way of saying the same thing."
"Precisely," Veronica responds as she turns her horse down a side path that will take us on one of the trails around the castle grounds. Thankfully, if we stay within them, we don't need a guard trailing behind us, though I'm sure the guards stationed on our path will be aware to look for us.
"You truly think that Mama is trying to send a message to Nate?"
"I think it's possible," she responds. "She's reminding him that his chance of marrying you is so small, he might as well not even try."
I stare ahead of us at the treeline and listen to the rhythmic thud of the horses' hooves against the ground as I think about her words. I don't want them to be true. "It seems cruel and unnecessary."
"Not to Mama," Veronica points out. "She has no idea how seriously you feel about Nate. As far as she's concerned, this could just be a dalliance that'll be over in a year."
"You don't think that?"
"No," she says softly.
"I don't think Nate is trying to marry above his station," I say. "I'm not even thinking about marriage."
"You are," Veronica points out. "And he will have done."
"What?"
"I'm not saying that he's going to expect you to get married next week or anything, but he'll have thought about what it means to be in love with you. What he'll have to give up, and the rumours he'll have to face. He's already dealt with plenty of them about the two of you."
"Yes, he said. In the papers."
"Think how much worse they're going to be if the two of you start openly courting.
He'll be the commoner courting the second princess, no matter what the truth of it is.
People won't know or understand that you've been friends since before you truly realised what it meant to be a princess.
They'll say that he's seduced his way into your bed. "
"He's never been in my bed," I point out.
"I know that, Evie. That's what I'm saying. It doesn't matter what the truth is, people are going to talk the minute you make your courtship public."
I frown. "I haven't even thought about any of this."
Veronica gives me a smile that I think is meant to be reassuring, but it doesn't do much.
Maybe it's because of the swaying as she rides.
"You can think about it now," she says. "And decide if it's something that you want to deal with.
And if it's something you can put Nate through.
Better to do it now than when it's too late. "
"I love him, is that not already too late?"
She shakes her head and looks forward. "Love is only the first step, Evie."
"That makes no sense. All of the love stories end with a declaration."
"Real life isn't a love story," she points out. "Can you imagine yourself with Nate in ten years?"
"I can't imagine myself without him," I whisper, though I think my words might be lost in the cool winter air.
"Then you need to think about more than just loving him," Veronica says, either because she heard what I said, or guessed it. I wouldn't like to say which. "You need to think about how you could make what you have last for ten years. And what it will mean for the two of you."
"Like what?"
She shrugs. "I'm not exactly sure, I don't know Nate very well, unless you count his cakes."
I smile. "That's part of it. But he's smart, and creative, and patient. He's got nice arms, and he's a good kisser."
"Some of that I don't need to know," she responds, but there's a hint of amusement in her voice.
"But that's also not what I mean. If you want to be with him in ten years, then Mama is going to expect you to get married.
What's Nate going to do then? He can't carry on working as the castle's pastry chef if you do. "
Confusion floods through me. "But that's his job."
"How can it be? He'd be expected to host delegations with you, make small talk with officials, and sit front row at temple services. He wouldn't be able to do both."
"Oh." I'm not really sure what to make of that. "You're going to tell me that I have to talk to him, aren't you?"
Veronica laughs. "You're starting to get it, Evie."
I give her a weak smile. Considering how much she's been right about so far, I know that I should probably listen to her, but that still feels intimidating, and I'm a little worried about what Nate's going to say.