Chapter 24 Asher
I REMINDED CORD of our first time as a means to keep me on his mind, but it’s me who continues to relive it.
I can still recall the all-consuming fear of entering his cell, knowing what I was about to do and whether or not he would accept or reject me.
I don’t know what I would have done if he’d said no.
I’ll admit I had read up on what to do, scouring porn for weeks to learn the right techniques.
Naturally, there wasn’t much readily-available gay porn back then, but I grabbed what I could find and used my free time to absorb it, which was difficult to do since Cord and I spent so much time together.
I didn’t want to be discovered before I had a chance to put it to use.
Reading about it wasn’t the same as doing it, though.
I knew that from the first moment my lips closed around his cock.
The scent of his skin, the taste of his precum, the feel of his smooth cock filling my mouth was greater than any story I had read.
When his cum hit the back of my throat I had all I could do not to scream for joy.
And don’t even get me started on that first time he let me bury my cock in his tight ass. It’s still my favorite place to be in the world. The last ten years without it has been a torture I never want to endure again, and I’ll do anything to ensure that doesn’t happen.
I take my time in the shower, jerking off to the memory of his voice on the phone earlier.
I have a full schedule today, so that should keep my mind busy, but I know come sundown I’m going to feel that terror of the unknown squeezing my heart again.
I wish he wasn’t so addicted to danger, but that would mean he wasn’t the Cord I fell in love with.
If it weren’t for his love of danger, we never would have met.
He fought my battles at that first meeting, and I repaid him by falling hopelessly in love.
Elaine is waiting for me when I get off the elevator, her energy encircling me like a tightly-wound spring.
“So, was it good?” she asks as she trails after me into my office.
“Was what good?”
“The intel. Did they catch him?”
I set down my briefcase and pull out my laptop before answering her.
I have to admit, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen her so excited.
It drives home the fact that she’s still so young.
Most kids her age are just getting their careers off the ground, and yet she’s been working for me for six years.
It took some fast talking and a bevy of high-priced lawyers to get her off the federal charges against her, but assets like her don’t come along every day.
I know the NSA was waiting in the wings for a crack at her, but I was not going to let her slip through my fingers and I had the clout behind me to make it work.
She’s been invaluable since coming to work for me, truly my right hand man. Or in this case, woman. And because she’s so valuable, I don’t want to kill her enthusiasm, so I swallow my stoicism and indulge her curiosity. After all, her talents are my main bridge to Cord right now.
“They found evidence the warehouse is being used and are going to raid it tonight.”
“Cool.”
“Have you discovered anything else?”
“I’ve been digging through their Reddit. No more mention of the Python but they do seem to be talking in code about missions or activities. I’m a little surprised they’re discussing all of this on Reddit instead of a dark web chat.”
“Maybe they’re just inexperienced?”
She shrugs. “Could be. Like I said, they do talk in code. And I’m still crawling the web for any other mention.”
“Well let me know if you come up with anything else.”
I sit down and prepare to dig into the day’s business, but Elaine continues to hover. “Is there something else?”
She plops down on the chair next to my desk and leans over toward me, keeping her voice low. “Okay, dish. It’s driving me crazy. How long have you guys been together? Is this like some immortal love story for the ages?”
“I don’t think this is an appropriate workplace conversation.”
“Fuck appropriate. Since when do you care about stuff like that? You’re the most off-the-reservation businessman I know.”
I quirk a brow at her. “Is that so? How many businessmen have you known?”
“Enough. My dad was one. Married to his job. I remember all his dickish friends coming over for dinner parties. All they talked about was work, work, work. Never had time for a daughter. Why do you think I got into trouble so early?”
“A cry for attention?”
“Please,” she snorts. “The last thing I wanted was that asshole’s attention. The day he gave me a credit card to keep me out of his hair was the day I declared independence. Bought my first computer and never looked back.”
I’d never known Elaine came from a life of privilege. It’s not like I didn’t do my due diligence when I hired her, but there was never any mention of her father’s business practices. Did she manage to erase her background? With her abilities, I wouldn’t put it past her.
“How come this is the first I’m hearing about your father?”
She rolls her eyes. “Because it’s not important. He spawned me. That was it.”
“What about your mother?”
“She was complicit. Too worried about her social standing to care about me. I was born late, an inconvenience in their perfect lives. I had a nanny. Useless. She was too busy banging the gardener. Is that what you wanted to know?”
I think back to my own youth. My father too was a wealthy businessman, but he and my mother doted on me. We were a happy family until the night tragedy struck and turned my world upside down. A house fire destroyed everything.
My family.
My wealth.
My future.
All gone in the blink of an eye.
Police claimed the fire was an accident, but I knew my father’s business partner had something to do with it. They’d fought the night before, and I’d seen the way he looked at my dad when he didn’t think anyone was watching.
Still, no one was going to listen to a nine year old kid.
When my grandmother learned there’d be no inheritance, she refused to take me in and I was placed in the system.
One of the first things I did when I joined the Clan was investigate my father’s business partner.
I hired the best lawyers and private detectives on the Clan’s dime, then I buried him, making sure he lost everything he had stolen from me before he went to jail for my parents’ murder.
I later learned he was shanked in prison.
I suspected Cord had something to do with it, though I never asked.
It was just one more way he looked out for me.
“So?” Elaine prompts.
“So what?”
“What’s the scoop on you two?”
“You’re not going to leave me alone about this, are you?”
“You even have to ask?”
No. One thing I’ve learned about Elaine is she’s relentless about information.
Once she gets on a scent, there’s no turning her back.
It’s a great attribute for what I need in the office.
A pain in the ass for my personal life. Though to be honest, I’ve never brought much of my personal life into the office.
Which is probably what’s got Elaine so interested.
“We met when we were kids. We were in the same group home.”
I should know it won’t end there.
“So you were like childhood sweethearts?”
It’s my turn to snort. “Hardly. We were just two kids trying to survive the system.” I don’t tell her about my crush that began the day we met.
“So how did you hook up?”
“That was later. After we were…”
“Changed?”
“We call it transitioned. But yes.”
“So you’ve known each other as humans and vampires?”
I nod.
“How come this is the first time I’m hearing about Cord?”
“We were apart for several years.”
“And who’s fault was that?” she asks, narrowing her eyes at me. “Don’t tell me it was yours, because that man is a hottie.”
I sigh. “It was mutual. We needed a break.”
“You don’t seem sure of that.”
How do I tell her that I’m not. That I never wanted us to break up. That I missed him every moment we were apart. That I still miss him.
It’s not something I want to discuss with an outsider. That’s strictly between Cord and me. I’m having enough trouble convincing him to give me a second chance. I don’t want to have to justify our break up, because for me, there is no justification. The night he left is still too fresh in my mind.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend. Pretend it doesn’t matter. Pretend everything is all right. Because you know what, Ash? It’s not. I’m drowning here, and not only do you not care, you don’t even notice.”
“What are you saying, Cord?”
He looks at me, his eyes shining with tears. “I’m done. I’m leaving.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“No. What I can’t do is stay here any longer and pretend this is working, because it’s not.
But typical you, you’re not listening to me.
You only hear what you want to hear, and I don’t think you’ll ever change.
Ever since Carlyle came into your life, you’re a different person.
And quite frankly, I don’t like that person. ”
He picks up his bag and heads for the door.
“Wait. Please, Cord. Don’t leave me. I’ll do anything. I’m begging you. I can’t…I can’t do this without you.”
“You’ll be fine. You always are.”
Ten years and the wound in my heart is still as raw as it was that night. I hadn’t cried since the night my parents died, but I cried that night. And every night after that for weeks as I realized he wasn’t coming back. That it wasn’t just another fight.
He was gone.
My world, my reason for breathing.
Gone.
But now I have a chance to get him back. And I’m not going to let anything or anyone get in the way of that.
I don’t care what I have to do to ensure that.
Because living without him is not an option.