22. Taylor
Taylor
It’s been forty hours since the wedding ceremony where I so unceremoniously fucked Knox in a barn, and I’ve spent every minute of those hours thinking about him. I snuck out early yesterday, stopped at a local market, and in an attempt to take my mind off of him, I did Carrick-a-Rede. A sixty-six-foot-long rope bridge that spans almost a hundred feet above water. I figured concentrating on not dying would be a good way to keep my mind occupied. I wasn’t expecting to have the phantom touch of his beard running down the hollow of my neck while I swayed a hundred feet in the air.
This morning, I woke up with the urge to work out, as I randomly get on fitness kicks. They typically last a few weeks before I get over it, so I like to take advantage of them when they come. Stoney Meadow Fitness seemed like the best option for me as they have a free week trial period, and since I won’t be here much longer than that, it works out perfectly. Plus, it’s the only gym for sixty kilometers. The map said it was only four kilometers away from the inn—I don’t know what a kilometer is, but four of them didn’t seem that far .
I set my things down, throw my headphones in, and begin warming up when I find a familiar stranger’s reflection in the mirror in front of me.
“Tatertot, was it?” His accent is still so jarring with how thick it is. I pull one of the headphones out and turn to face him.
“Taylor,” I say, extending a hand.
“Dax,” he says and realization dawns on me.
“You’re the third musketeer.”
“Awe, has Browning been talking about me? That’s cute.” I can’t help but smile at the dynamic between their little friend group. Especially after Knox has been gone so long, he seamlessly weaved his way back into this town as if no time had passed. This shouldn’t be surprising considering how I’ve also felt something similar around these people. I can tell he feels like he might not deserve that type of loyalty, or that eventually they’ll stop being proud of him, but it’s taken me only a few weeks to come to the conclusion that the people in this town aren’t fairweather people. They love and admire him and that won’t change, no matter how much time passes or whether or not he’s still playing professionally.
As I worked through my sets, Dax kept me company, sharing stories of growing up in this town and how he came to buy his own gym. But to my utter annoyance, the stories I was most interested in were the ones involving Knox.
I throw a towel over my shoulder—welcoming the dopamine high I get from a solid workout and wave goodbye to Dax, who’s helping a client.
“See you tonight!” he calls over his shoulder.
My eyebrows pull together but I ignore the confusion and head back to the inn .
My feet pause halfway up the porch when the familiar purring of Knox’s truck sounds behind me. I turn to find him rounding the hood, and even though the engine no longer rumbles, that spot just below my core still does. His black hat sits low, shadowing his eyes until he lifts it and turns it backward. As I watch him shuck off his flannel, revealing a black hoodie underneath, my chest swoops and my neck heats at the memory of that body pressed behind mine and those rough hands caressing me and gripping my hips and hair. His mouth tugs upward as if he can sense what I’m thinking. That mouth. The suction and sting it inflicted on the most sensitive part of my skin when my neck meets my collarbone—the memory has me clenching my thighs and I clear my throat in an attempt to clear my thoughts.
“Nova.”
“Browning,” I reply casually like I wasn’t just imagining us rolling around naked.
“Get dressed.”
He steps in closer like he always does and I lock my hands behind my back, looking up at him. “Where are we going?”
“The town fair.”
“And what if I had plans?” I lay the smartass tone on thick but keep my smile sweet.
“You do. With me. Now.” He spins me around and nudges me up the stairs before giving me a smack on the ass. “Go get dressed.”
“Such a brute.” I roll my eyes over my shoulder but don’t miss his sexy smile as I make my way upstairs and beg the butterflies in my stomach to relax.
“Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!” the announcer shouts. “Pick your prize, mate.”
Knox sets the giant mallet down and looks at me. “What’ll it be, Nova girl?”
I can’t stop the goofy grin on my face as I look at the hanging stuffed animals. A war wages inside of me with how pathetic it is that I feel so full over the fact that someone has just won me a giant teddy. I choose to blame it on all the fried food and the sugar that’s now giving me hormonal imbalance as I smile and point to the one in the middle.
“The orca, obviously.”
“You know that the game measures skill not strength right?” Liam huffs.
“Well, then it’s a good thing I have both.” Knox takes the whale from the attendant and attempts to swat my prize at Liam but his reflexes are quick. Liam throws his hands up, blocking his body. “Come here, gobshite.”
Liam turns, running out wide in a circle while Knox chases after him. “I might not be a professional athlete but still the fastest!” he shouts, sounding slightly out of breath. “Give it up, KB, you’ll never catch me.”
“When I do, I’m gonna beat the piss out of you.” Liam laughs but doesn’t stop, he fakes right before turning on his heel behind Dax, using him as a shield. “Come on, I’ll even let you choose what hand I beat you with.”
“You’d love to put your hands on me, Knoxy boy.” He pops up over Dax’s shoulder blowing him a kiss and Knox springs forward.
“Boys. Am I right?” Liv rolls her eyes, looping her arm through mine. Her head drops to my shoulders with a laugh as we leave the trio of children behind making our way down the rows of carnival games. “Oh Water Race Midway! Let’s do it. ”
Liv and I take our spots on the stools, Liam and Dax take the seat to her left and Knox fills the spot to my right. We all grip our water shooters with laser focus as the announcer gets ready to start the game. A bell shrieks and I spray the tiny red dot in front of me watching my boat race across the plastic waves. Knox is the only boat in front of me until I reach his tail end and out of nowhere fly past him. The buzzer rings out and the announcer cheers, declaring me the winner.
“First, she whoops arse at cards, and now she’s handing you a beating at the carnival games?” Ryder chirps from behind me.
“I don’t take anything too seriously but games—games are life and death.” I smile at him as he lifts his hand and we high-five.
“Well, then I’m just in time, care for a game of darts?” He nods his head to the next tent over and I smile ready to take this cowboy for all he’s worth.
“You're on, Cowboy.”
After Ryder lost three games in a row, he claimed his date had texted him and he had to go find her. The rest of us hit the fun house and once I discovered that Knox would still be sinfully attractive even at only four feet tall, we hit the Musik Express—a circular track that drags carts up and over small bumps so fast I was plastered to Knox’s side with a breathless laugh the whole ride.
A wild energy bursts through every cell in my body. Over the last few hours, I’ve laughed freely and had no small amount of desire to make this night last forever. A large portion has to be from the exhilarating rides, the high from winning games, and the dopamine kick from all the food. However, a small voice whispers in my head that it’s from this growing sense of belonging. I attempt to shake it off, reminding myself that I don’t know what that actually feels like.
We pass face painting, name painting, homemade jams, and jewelry tables before I spot a photo booth.
“Come on.” I grab Knox’s hand in mine and drag him to the booth. An old-timey black-and-white countdown shows and I close my eyes, grinning from ear to ear holding up a peace sign. The light flashes from behind my eyelids and I stick out my tongue throwing up rock and roll hands. Another flash of light and I realize Knox hasn’t moved.
“Knox, you can’t just sit there and smile in every picture.”
“Then kiss me.” I whip my head to him. Even though there are thousands of people on the other side of this curtain somehow in this tiny enclosed space with his eyes boring into mine, I hear all my thoughts crystal clear.
I've always been the anti-relationship girl. Call it a fear of commitment, or blame it on some unresolved, pushed-to-the-side abandonment issues, but the facts are that. I never wanted anything more. My stomach churns at the mere idea of being in the position I find myself in now, of wanting someone and liking them enough that I’m able to be hurt.
To be left.
The third flash goes off and he cups the back of my neck pulling my forehead to his. Even though his golden brown eyes are crystal clear, the uncertainty in my own head is causing me to spiral. If I do this, if I’m able to drop my guard and go all in with him, what does that mean? The final flash goes off and the rumbling of the printer echos, one corner of his lip lifts but it’s not his usual sensual or cocky smile. It feels sad. I swallow a thick lump in my throat and the pad of his thumb brushes lightly across my cheek. My shoulders drop alongside my eyelids as Knox stands from the bench, relief and self-anger battle within me as another moment passes.
A handful of games later, I can feel the night starting to wind down. My eyes catch on the glow from the Ferris wheel and I know this is my last moment of the night.
“We have to do the Ferris Wheel before we go, it’s a must.”
Knox scratches the back of his neck. “I don’t really do Ferris Wheels, love.”
“Come on, Browning.” I grip his bicep with both arms. “I’ll protect you.”
Tilting his head back, he takes one last look up before a resigned sigh leaves him and he stretches his arm out.
“Anyone else?”
Liv looks away as if she didn’t hear me, Dax scratches his eyebrows and Liam laughs. “Fuck that. I’m going to win Liv a stuffed animal.”
“What?” Her eyebrows practically kiss her hairline when she whips her head to him.
“Yeah, come on. I’ll get you one bigger than that silly thing Knox won.”
“Always so obsessed with my size, mate,” Knox teases him. Liam drops his fist to the crook of his elbow, lifting that hand and flipping him off.
The bucket lifts and stops a handful of times. The higher we get, the more of the fair I take in. I try not to let my circling thoughts consume me, but I’m also now hyper-focused on deciphering what’s going on between us. I need this one thing to fit in a nice, neat little box in my head. Everything else can be a scattered mess, but I need to know what we’re doing. What I’m doing.
I feel Knox’s intimate gaze on my neck and I bite back my smile.
“What?” I ask.
“You going to let me kiss you now?” I huff a small laugh and shake my head. “So you just let me tease that sweet little pussy of yours, but I can’t kiss you?”
“Knox!” I shriek, batting his chest. I shouldn’t be surprised at his mouth at this point, but my cheeks flame all the same.
“What?” I take in the easy way his lips quirk up. The way his arm rests behind me and his legs spread out casually in front of him.
I twist in my seat, facing him. “I just—” My gaze flirts up searching for the confidence to say the words. The apprehension coursing through my chest is a new feeling for me, but rather than shut down, I choose to be brave. I’m not going to get my answer any other way. “I just want to make sure that we’re on the same page. This is still just fun for you right?”
“If I said no would you freak out?” I swear I can physically feel the blood drain from my face. “I reckon by the way your face just paled, you would.” If he’s offended or hurt he doesn’t show it but I don’t dare try to swallow while his eyes search me so intently. “Listen, I’ll be honest with you, from the minute you and your perky nipples stormed into my inn in the middle of the night—I’ve been so far gone for you.” I vaguely register his fingers twisting the ends of my hair as I try to silence my thundering heart. “The more time I spent with you, the less I felt the need to be subtle about how I felt because frankly, I didn’t care. But don’t think for a minute that I did or said any of this because I thought it would be easy with you leaving. If anything, I thought about avoiding you because I knew you were leaving. But Taylor, I couldn’t stay away from you even if I wanted to.”
I clamp my lips between my teeth to hide my tremble as my heartbeat races dangerously fast. I squeeze the spot between my thumb and index finger and as subtly as I can, I suck in deep breaths through my nose. I’m having a very intense physical reaction to someone telling me they want to be with me but logically I know it’s the fear seeping in that this feeling could very well be monetary for him. Of course, he can say this now. I’m the shiny new toy in town but he can’t know that these are long-term feelings. I’m not even sure what the coming weeks will look like. Am I willing to let down every guard I’ve ever built?
A million thoughts, feelings, and questions crash into me at once like a barrel wave and I’m sucked under, unable to come up and catch my breath. But it’s Knox’s hand cupping my cheek that brings me back up for air at the top of this Ferris wheel. I don’t recognize my own soft whisper when I ask, “Why?”
“Because I like you.” The breath I was suffocating on tumbles harshly from my mouth. “I like your infectious energy and how protective you are.” I feel a foreign burn in my throat and a sting in my eyes. “I like that you like me for me, and not for who the world knows me as. More than anything, I like that you’ve shown me that there's more to life than rugby. I forget what I’ve lost when I’m with you because, with you, it feels like I have everything.”
My eyes are hot and my chest is heavy—a direct contrast to the way my mind is aimlessly floating and I can’t figure out which comment to grasp onto first. With you, it feels like I have everything. His hand snakes around, tightening along the back of my neck pulling back to reality.
The tremble in my hands is a direct result of how terrified I am to admit that for the first time in my life, I have these same feelings, that I’m right there with him. And if Knox can be bold enough to tell me how he feels, then I want to be bold enough to at least admit it to myself.
I blink back the burning in my eyes, take a breath, and sink into his side. His arm pulls me in tighter against his strong body and I drop my head on his bicep behind me. “Who says I like you?”
His head doesn’t move but his eyes crash into the deepest part of my soul. “You like me, Nova.” Maybe it’s accepting that I’ve known these feelings weren’t fleeting thoughts and I’ve only ever denied myself this one thing. But maybe this one thing with Knox would be worth the risk. “You don’t have to say the words. I can tell this is new for you. But I’m here and I’m ready when you are.”
I bite my bottom lip, and the bucket swings as the Ferris wheel spins, dropping us up and over the peak, and I let my guard fall down with it.