23. Amy
Chapter 23
Amy
I wanted to kiss Novak until I was all out of breath. I wanted to run down to the basement and yell at his brother about what an asshole and a terrible family member he was. I wished I could go back in time and tell young Novak he was worthy of love and recognition in spite of his shitty family treating him like an outcast.
He needed those words right now, and I could only hope he valued my opinion enough to take my words to heart.
“They were wrong about you,” I whispered against his mouth. “So, so wrong. Don’t you see? You’re better than all of them ever were.”
His hands trembled slightly as they held lightly onto my waist. It couldn’t have been easy, confessing everything he did just now. He seemed to feel guilty about keeping his brother imprisoned, although he could rot for eternity down there for all I cared. From the sound of it, he’d been a bully. I knew the type well.
“You’re such an incredible person, Novak.” I held his face between my hands. “You’re kind and honest and so selfless. You could’ve passed me off to someone else that first night we met, let me be another vampire’s problem or finished me off by draining the rest of my blood. You encouraged me to repair my friendship with Tavia. You held me all night while I cried without making me talk about it. Fuck, you’ve spent centuries trying to find a cure for a family that never appreciated you. That speaks volumes about the kind of person you are.”
Novak’s arms went tighter around me as I spoke, his forehead leaning heavily against mine.
“I’m tired,” he admitted in a hoarse whisper. “So fucking tired of carrying all of Rathka’s Order on my shoulders. None of them are here to tell me I’m not doing enough, but I hear their voices all the same. Upholding my duty to the clan is what I’ve been trained to do since birth, and I don’t know how to stop.”
His head came forward until it rested on my shoulder. I raked my fingernails over his scalp, massaging the tight muscles in his neck.
“You’re not alone,” I told him. “You have me. And if you need me to hold onto you while you let it all go, I’ll be right here. You don’t need Rathka’s Order. You can choose to free yourself from them.”
He leaned his forehead against my neck, arms clamped around me in a tight embrace. “I’ve never felt like I had choices. I was raised to put the clan above all else, and look where that got me. Trying to please ghosts, and monsters in my basement.” His head lifted, brow pressing to mine. “You’re the first thing I’ve wanted selfishly. I want you around for the simple fact that you make my blood sing in my veins.”
My heartbeat accelerated, screaming a beat that sounded like, C hoose me. Be the first and only person who has genuinely wanted to keep me .
“Nothing bad will happen if you choose to be selfish,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “No one is here to make you feel guilty about your own happiness. And if your ancestors want to haunt you from their graves for choosing yourself, I’ll happily tell them to fuck off and leave you alone.”
That earned me a smile and a soft chuckle. “My mother would one-hundred percent say that Temkra brought you to me, and I should never refuse gifts from the goddess.”
“Your mother sounds like she was lovely.” I kissed his brow. “But what do you want? What will make you happiest, Novak?”
A heavy sigh seemed to deflate his whole chest. “I want to let go of the past, to stop giving power to people who don’t exist anymore. I think I’ve wanted that for a long time but didn’t know how. Or just never wanted it badly enough.” His knuckles stroked my cheek. “Not until you.”
“I know it’s not easy. It’s not exactly the same, but since coming to terms with no longer being human, I’ve been feeling a lot of the same resistance. The guilt for going against my upbringing. Disappointing people whose approval I wanted, but they never respected me no matter what I did.”
The realization hit me like a light bulb clicking on. Novak and I were so different, and yet our struggles were so similar. Every word I told him was exactly what I needed to hear for myself.
“Yes.” He breathed the word on a sigh of relief and a warm, lingering kiss. “You understand me exactly, akra. You know what it’s like. Fuck, I think you’re truly the only person that does.”
Our mouths found each other again, giving strength and reassurance that words could not.
“I want you,” Novak said when we parted. “I want a life that’s my own, and I’m ready for it.” He let out a nervous laugh. “It still feels like I’m diving off a cliff, though.”
“I know.” My arms went around his shoulders. “But it’s as simple as making a choice. Choosing one path and leaving another behind.”
His next sigh was weary. “It’s not quite that simple for me. Not with my brother downstairs.”
“Oh, right.” Somehow I’d forgotten about that already. His brother just didn’t hold space in my mind when it was Novak who needed love and appreciation. “What should be done about him?”
Novak swallowed tightly. “I can’t release him. And I can’t bear to keep him down there.”
The unspoken solution felt like a heavy, weighted presence in the room.
“Do you have a way of making it quick? Painless?” If I knew anything about Novak, he would not want his brother to suffer.
He nodded. “I have a silver dagger. One stab to the chest should be enough. I don’t even think they’re capable of feeling pain in that state.” His fingers laced at the small of my back. “I’ve killed a few before, in self-defense. He’s defenseless, but… ” He shook his head. “If there’s anything left of Evin in there, he’s probably been suffering for decades. To put him out of his misery would be a kindness.”
“Do you want me to do it for you?” Maybe it was callous, but I wasn’t at all bothered about stabbing a cannibalistic creature who made Novak suffer in his younger years. If anything, it might be cathartic.
“No, it needs to be me. I have immunity to the disease, you might not. I definitely can’t risk you.” He leaned back, chest heaving with another sigh. “I have to do it. This is how I bury the past and truly move forward.”
“I’ll be there with you.” My hold tightened around his shoulders, bringing him in for another kiss. “You’ll never be without my support.” Or my love. That last part burned in my throat, not ready to be spoken aloud.
“Amy… my akra.” He spoke my name reverently between each kiss, fingers curling into my shirt and holding onto me like I was the only support he needed.
I had never been needed by anyone before, not even Tavia.
“You can do this.” I stroked his hair back, my forehead melded to his. “You’re so strong, so brave. I know you can do it, Novak.”
He huffed wryly. “I think you’re the first person who’s actually believed in me.”
“How could I not? You believed in me, after all.”
His hand came to the side of my face, thumb stroking with gentle reverence next to my mouth before he was repeating my own words back to me like a simple truth. “How could I not?”
Our mouths connected again with more passion and fervor than before. Hunger stoked low in my belly, and determination fired me up. I pressed on Novak’s shoulders and he leaned back only a few inches before meeting the headboard. My hips rolled in his lap, grinding against him to create sensation and friction that had him groaning.
He grabbed my waist, bucking into me as his tongue surged into my mouth. I kissed him back, but removed his hands from my waist, pinning them at his sides.
“What are you doing?” His eyes were dark with lust, canines long with hunger. “I want to touch you, akra.”
“Not right now.”
“Why?”
I brought my legs inside of his, kissing his neck with small nips that didn’t draw any blood. My mouth skimmed over his collarbones and down his chest, following the sparse pale hairs and long, lean muscles that covered his torso. I scooted back as I drew lower, listening to his accelerating heart and ragged breaths. I reached the waistband of his underwear, and only then did I look up at him to answer.
“Because I’m going to let you be utterly selfish before you complete the hardest task of your life.”
He seemed to get the picture when I tugged his boxers down to reveal his cock, thick and long where it rested on his lower belly.
“Amy,” he hissed, putting his hand over mine. “You don’t have to. I appreciate the gesture very, very much but?—”
“I want to.” A smile pulled at my lips as I stuck my tongue out, giving a small lick to his broad head. “Really, I do. Let me be selfish too and find out how you really taste.”
He stopped resisting then, and relaxed against the headboard. “You’re more than I’ve ever fucking deserved.” His fingers stroked through my hair, gathering the strands away from my face. “Can I still touch you?”
I loved his hands on me, all his caresses and holds and kisses. But even then I felt the scars on my abdomen, a constant, unyielding reminder that I was not truly as beautiful as he found me. That despite his hard length right in front of my face, I still had the potential to completely turn him off.
“Just not under my T-shirt, okay?”
A flicker of an expression crossed his face, something like disappointment, but it was gone in an instant. “Of course, darling. Only where you’ll feel good.”
He was so good, almost too good to be true. So protective and confident, but sweeter and kinder than any man I’d ever known. It only heightened my desire to please him, to give to him without taking anything for myself. He’d already given me so much.
My lips slid over his crown, my hand wrapping around the base of his shaft with a slight squeeze. Novak was already moaning as my tongue circled his head. I gave a few experimental strokes, listening to what kind of pressure and speed he liked best.
“Fuck, so good,” he choked out when my hand twisted slightly just below his head. “Akra, fuck… your mouth. You’re incredible.”
His praise brought my confidence to a level I’d never felt before. I took more of him in my mouth, adding pressure with my lips and tongue to his velvety skin. Like a perfect gentleman, he held my hair back, twisted into a loose knot in his fist. The other hand caressed my neck and face. It was like he physically couldn’t stop himself from touching me, from marveling at me. I was in the submissive position here, but it felt like he was the one worshiping me.
“So beautiful, you’re sucking me so well.” His voice became rough with a predatory edge. “Fucking Temkra, you’re a vision. So fucking stunning, ugh, that mouth. So perfect, don’t stop.”
I built up to a steady rhythm, basking in his filthy, sweet words and eager for the reward of his release. He was solid and heavy, swelling even thicker with each stroke of my fist and tongue.
“I can smell how wet you are. You like sucking me that much, akra? Fuck, I want to touch you so bad.”
His hand groped over my T-shirt, finding my breasts through the baggy material. I moaned with my mouth full of him and would have gasped if I could. He pulled and twisted the fabric taut, making it rasp against my achingly sensitive nipples.
“I want your bare skin on mine,” Novak groaned. “I want these perfect tits filling my hands and no clothing between us when I finally fuck you. Is that selfish enough?”
That declaration should have sent alarm bells ringing, should have scared me into removing him from my mouth and backing away while telling him no, that would never happen.
But I just moaned agreement, leaning into the pressure of his hands and taking him deeper down my throat. Everything felt too good. I was swept away in the pleasure this was providing for me, not just him. His noises and needy, desperate touches, the heaviness of him on my tongue. All of it was proof of how I affected him, how sexy and irresistible he found me. That validation fed me like I was starving. For once in my life, I felt just a tiny bit powerful.
It would be over as soon as he came, like a broken spell. An illusion ripped away. I knew that I didn’t really have power over him, that there were plenty of other women sexier than me, better at blowjobs than me. Novak didn’t actually want to see me naked that badly. He probably already forgot that he said it. But for the moment, I could keep living in this fantasy of being the perfect woman of his wildest dreams.
“Akra, I’m so close.” Novak’s head was thrown back, the muscles of his throat working with each choked word. “You have me right there, you’re going to make me fucking explode.”
My jaw ached and my lungs burned from not taking a deep breath for several minutes. I didn’t want to stop and yet I still wanted to make him come, just to know that I could please him enough.
Novak released with a bellowing roar. His cock swelled almost to the point of cutting off my air completely before his salty release coated my tongue and throat. His hands went to his sides, clutching the sheets with a death grip while he shuddered stiffly.
I kept him in my mouth until he was completely spent and he pulsed softly from aftershocks. He grabbed my upper arms and hauled me upward the moment my mouth was free. When he leaned to kiss me, I backed away in shock. Surely he wouldn’t want to taste himself on me?
With a rough growl, he held the back of my head and plundered my mouth with his own. I was still catching my breath and his deep, insistent kiss took me to a new level of lightheadedness.
His tongue tangled with mine and he sucked lightly at my lips like this was any other kiss. If tasting his own pleasure bothered him at all, he made no show of it.
A tiny prick of pain made me gasp, and then Novak licked gently at the wound. A shiver raced down my spine, all my erogenous zones pulsing with pleasure. He pulled back with a smirk, his exposed fang tipped with my blood.
“You’re incredible, akra.” He kissed the small wound on my lip, which was already closed and healing. Again, the pleasurable rush of sensations made me inhale sharply, and Novak made a low, approving noise in his throat. “Will you let me return the favor?”
A large hand caressed my inner thigh, kneading and stroking just outside of my panties. I squirmed under his touch, already sensitive and aroused from what I just did to him. Or rather, how he made me feel while I did that to him.
“With your hand?” I squeaked. It wouldn’t take much.
“I meant with my mouth.” His fangs trailed my neck. “But I’ll please you however you prefer.”
Having his mouth on me meant taking my underwear off. And him being down there would make it too easy for him to touch or see my stomach. Too risky.
Plus, the idea of asking for oral made me uneasy. I had asked for it that night Tom and I had been together, but he brushed me off saying he didn’t enjoy the taste. I’d rather sink into the floor and disappear than see Novak react negatively to going down on me.
“Your hand,” I said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
An expression crossed his face, something like skepticism, but then he was kissing me and pulling me into his lap. My thighs spread apart to straddle his, and then he nicked me again with a fang as he cupped his palm between my legs.
I had never had an orgasm so fast. Between his palm grinding small circles against my clit and his sips of my blood with each kiss, I was shooting into the atmosphere and seeing stars in under five seconds.
“You deserve all the pleasure in the world, Amy.” Novak dragged a fang over my earlobe until he drew blood, then sucked at it while his hand commanded another orgasm out of me. “You deserve riches, the finest blood for your palate, every single thing you’ve ever desired.”
“Only want you,” I panted, not even fully aware of what I was saying. He was playing my body like a finely-tuned instrument, making me moan and sigh and clutch him for dear life.
“Oh darling, you have me.” He gave me a moment of reprieve, taking his hand away. And then just as quickly slid it into my soaked panties. “You have me in the palm of your hand. I am wholly yours in every way.”
Two fingers pressed inside me, his thumb heavy on my clit. He kissed me again, tongue flicking to catch another drop of blood. I came hard around his fingers, shuddering into oblivion as he curled those digits to draw out my pleasure.
“You deserve the life of a queen.” Novak scraped a fanged kiss against the hollow of my throat and captured my blood with his lips and tongue, his fingers fucking into me with sloppy wet sounds as I rode them into another orgasm. “Nothing but respect, adoration, and worship for the most stunning creature I’ve ever set eyes on.”
“Novak… ” I was dead weight draped against him, barely able to hold myself upright. My lungs wheezed for air, every nerve spent and overstimulated. “I can’t… can’t come anymore.”
“Mmm.” He made sympathetic noises, petting my hair with the hand that wasn’t knuckle-deep inside me. Gentle, fangless kisses rained over my forehead, brows, and eyelids.
When my breathing finally neared normal levels, he tilted my face up with a knuckle under my chin. “I think you can give me one more, can’t you?”
His fingers curled inside me again, making me squirm.
“I don’t know. It’s too much.”
“You can, akra. Just one more. For me.” His teeth bared like a predator. “You wanted me to be selfish? This is what I want.”
I didn’t mean to laugh. I was still dazed from all the orgasms before, on top of the fact that it was absurd that my pleasure equated to him being selfish.
Out of nowhere, I was flying through the air and grabbed his shoulders for stability. In a mere second, I was lying flat on the bed with Novak hovering above me.
I looked at him with a mix of confusion and pure lust. God, he was so hot. How magical would it be to stare up at him like this on a regular basis? Watching his face, seeing the strength of his body as he moved inside me.
His fingers were still inside me, thumb circling around my clit hood without touching it directly. He knew exactly what to do to not overstimulate me to the point of pain, and the sweet consideration of that almost distracted me from the fact that he was moving down my body.
“Novak.” I fought my wobbly limbs to sit up. “I said not your mouth.”
He kissed the inside of my thigh before looking up at me, grinning. “You meant no oral, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Because I’ve been using my mouth on you this entire time.”
His fangs sank into the artery on my inner thigh with lighting speed. He pulled a mouthful of blood at the same time his thumb returned to my clit and his fingers dragged along my inner walls.
It wasn’t just one more orgasm. I lost count sometime after three.