26. Amy
Chapter 26
Amy
I started to withdraw, closing my legs and pulling them toward my chest, when Novak placed a hand on my knee.
“I’m not rejecting you, and I’ll never force you. But I want to understand, Amy.” His gaze was heavy on me, missing nothing like a microscope.
“I just don’t like being naked, okay?”
Novak was never pushy about anything, and I was hoping he’d just drop it. But this time, he seemed unable to let it go.
“Why?” he asked.
“I don’t need a reason, okay? I just don’t.”
“Amy.” His voice gentled, and he separated my knees to stand between my thighs again. He held my face in his palms, making me look at him. “Do you trust me to take care of you?”
“Yes.” My eyes closed on a shaky breath. “You already have, so well.”
“Do you believe me when I say I love you?”
“Yes.”
“Then you must know I already love every inch of you. Even the parts I haven’t seen.” His fingers trailed down my neck and over my shoulder. “Love doesn’t feel like a strong enough word. My heart beats for you. I found the strength to free myself from my clan’s expectations because of you. Every moment I look at you, hear your voice, taste your blood, touch your skin, they all feel like gifts I don’t deserve.”
“You deserve everything, Novak.” I swallowed, my throat feeling on the verge of closing up. “I’m the one who’s undeserving.”
“And I want to run a silver blade through everyone who ever made you feel that way.” His hands closed around my upper arms. “Because it’s not true, akra. Everything humans told you about yourself is a lie.” Novak brought my palm to his chest, pressing it flat against his heartbeat. “Believe me. Not them.”
My heart felt heavy, both with how much love he poured into it and the fear of it shattering.
“I want to,” I said, fingers curling into his shirt. “But I’m so afraid.”
“Of what?” He covered my hand with his. “Let me dispel any fears you have. I’m happy to.”
“Of disappointing you.”
The silence that followed was deafening. Novak looked bewildered, like he couldn’t fathom such a thing. But I knew disappointment all too well. It followed me everywhere back in Sapien. Every time I tried to help out with some task but got dizzy, or didn’t have the strength, or had an asthma attack, disappointment was all around me.
It was the first thing I saw in Tom Harrison’s eyes when he undressed me.
“What if I’m not everything you say I am?” I went on. “What if you decide this isn’t what you want in a few weeks or months?”
“We’re blood mates,” Novak answered as if the solution was so simple. “We are meant for each other.”
I waved my hand in front of my face. “Forget about that for a second. There’s more to our connection than just blood, right?”
“Yes, of course.”
“So without that component, how do you know? How are you sure you won’t hate my guts in a few months?”
Novak’s face pinched with pain. “Because I could never hate you. I adore you. I cherish you.”
My head fell back in frustration. “You’re not getting it.”
“I don’t think you are,” he retorted. “But it doesn’t matter. If I have to spend every day of the next five hundred years convincing you that you deserve all I have to give and more, I’ll do it.”
I tried approaching it from another angle. “It’s like with your family. Not to compare you to them, but you were never good enough in their eyes. They were wrong about you, obviously, but,” I pointed to myself, “what if I’m actually not good enough, Novak? What if I can’t be everything you need?”
His eyes narrowed and he went eerily still for a moment. I almost thought he wouldn’t say anything, maybe storm off, when he said icily, “There’s one major difference you’re forgetting.”
“What?”
“They had expectations of me that were always shifting. I could do something they would’ve been proud of one day, but the next day, the goalposts had shifted and that one thing was no longer impressive. It was a losing game no matter what I did. Even if I had found a cure for Rathka’s Curse and reversed the effects on everyone, they would have found reasons to be disappointed. There was no pleasing them, you understand?”
“Yes, I know.” I brought a hand to my face. “I’m sorry I brought them up. That was a bad example.”
Novak removed my hand from my cheek and replaced it with his own. “I have zero expectations of you, akra. Absolutely none. I want you exactly as you are. Your galaxy eyes, your kitten fangs, and this beautiful body you won’t let me see. I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, and I never want you thinking you have to impress me. I just want you here.”
My tears began escaping, and he swept away every single one away with his thumbs. His lips came to my hairline and stayed there when my next words tumbled out.
“My body isn’t beautiful. You saw my stomach.”
“I did?”
“Yes, in the basement.” I lifted my head to meet his eyes. “You saw my scars, so how can you say I’m beautiful?”
“Because you are.” He looked confused. “I didn’t see any scars.”
I snorted derisively. “You might need your eyes checked. They’re all right here.” I placed my hand over my abdomen. “They’re from the attack that… that killed me.”
Novak looked thoughtfully down where my hand was. “My only concern at the time was if my brother had hurt you. When I saw you were whole and well, it was the biggest fucking relief of my life. I didn’t notice them because I truly don’t care if you have scars, Amy.” His fingers laced through mine. “It doesn’t change how beautiful you are to me.”
“I hate them,” I admitted. “I never look in a mirror when I change my clothes or get out of a shower. I hate that they're a permanent reminder of… of what happened.”
Novak sighed, his breath trailing across my lips. “I am sorry the events leading to your transformation were so traumatic. I can’t imagine the pain you were in, or how scared you were.” His grip on my hand tightened. “But I’m not sorry that you’re here, very much alive and lighting up my life.” He cocked his head to the side, looking thoughtful again. “Would it help if you thought of your scars like your eyes and your fangs? As markers of your second life, symbols of what brought you to me?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted on a long breath. “I’ve never tried to reframe how I’ve thought of them like that.”
“Would you be willing to try?” Novak traced the edge of my jaw. He was always touching me in small, caring ways. With such reverence and affection, like he truly could not get enough of me.
“How?” I asked, leaning into his touch.
“Reverse your thinking, akra.” His thumb circled over the pulse in my neck. “Just see how it feels. What if you do deserve the world laid at your feet? What if you are perfect exactly as you are? What if your scars are part of what makes you beautiful?”
Our mouths met in a warm press that quickly ignited to a passionate frenzy. His fangs didn’t draw blood, but their firmness against my lips mirrored the hard pressure of his erection between my legs. My thighs squeezed around his waist, pulling him closer for more. More friction, more heat, more of everything that was him .
Novak gripped the edge of my panties in one fist. I felt the tug of fabric drawn tight against my skin and then heard a ripping sound.
“Did you just… ” The second half of my question died as the front of his slacks pressed against my bare sensitive skin. The cool, hard metal of his belt buckle was a shock to my heated core.
“Anything to keep these legs wrapped around me.” He gave me a wry smirk. “I’ll replace your panties.”
“Careful, or we’ll have a shortage just like with your shirts,” I warned.
“Oh no, how terrible,” he murmured before kissing me again.
The panties were gone from my mind as I hurriedly pulled apart Novak’s belt, and then the button and zipper of his slacks. Rather than fuss with his shirt buttons, he peeled the whole thing off over his head.
His slacks and underwear piled on the floor and he stepped out of them. My gorgeous vampire, a lean, lithe creature that for some reason, wanted a centuries-long life with me.
I ran my hands up his forearms first, feeling the corded muscles and prominent veins that I drooled over before I knew anything about him. My touch ran over the swell of his biceps next, and then his round, strong shoulders. He shivered when I stroked his neck, eyes heating to a fiery red when I explored my way down his chest, across the ridges in his firm abdomen, to the thick cock that jumped at my touch as if eagerly waiting for me.
“You’re beautiful,” I said as I gave him a long, leisurely stroke. “Has anyone ever told you that?”
“No,” he choked out. Color darkened his cheeks and the sight of it delighted me.
I grinned as I stroked him, soaking up the blissed-out torture in his face. “I’ll make sure to keep reminding you.”
“Amy.” Novak leaned over me, his fists gathering up my T-shirt. “You have me in the palm of your hand and I’ll do absolutely anything for you. Please let me see you. I’m dying to love your whole body utterly and completely, so please don’t hide from me.”
It felt like staring out over the edge of a cliff. One simple step could ruin me beyond recognition, or lead me to the greatest freedom and bliss. I would never know until I fully placed my trust in Novak’s hands and took that leap.
He waited for my answer with the patience of a saint, eyes rapt on my face.
“Okay,” I said in a shaky whisper. “You can take it off.”
The material lifted and I closed my eyes, unwilling to risk the chance of seeing disappointment in his expression. I lifted my arms to let the shirt, my shield, disappear, and then immediately brought them down to cover myself.
The next thing I felt were Novak’s arms wrapping around my back, pulling me against his chest. He was so warm, like a life-sized space heater. Wherever the idea that vampires were cold came from had no basis in reality.
“You’re so brave,” he said, lips on my forehead. “And utterly stunning. You make me fucking ache , akra.”
I unfolded from my defensive position just slightly, letting my head come to his shoulder and my legs dangle off the edge of the desk. His hands smoothed up and down my back, palms flat and fingers wide. I’d never had so much of my bare skin touched by another person before.
“Are you okay?” Novak kissed my temple.
“Yeah.” My hands went around his waist, seeking more of his warmth. I was okay as long as he wasn’t face-to-face with my scars. “This feels nice.”
“That’s good, but,” his touch rounded my hips, running down my thighs. “I want you to feel better than nice. ”
One hand slid into my hair, curling into a fist at the base of my skull. He drew my head back and kissed me roughly, nicking the corner of my lip and sucking the blood that welled in the cut. While I was distracted by the pleasure pulsing through me, he slid one hand up my abdomen and kneaded a breast, plucking my nipple until I cried out.
“I’m going to spend centuries pleasing your body until you love it as much as I do,” he promised with a growl. “It won’t happen overnight but you will learn to love yourself, Amy. You will realize your worth, I swear to you.”
I was wordless and panting, taken aback that this was me he was talking to. He leaned back to look at all of me, reverence and awe in his eyes like I was a work of art. And for the first time in my life, I didn’t want to hide.
“So fucking stunning.” Novak’s gaze traveled down my body at a leisurely pace, not inspecting but appreciating.
His hands followed his eyes, running downward over me in loving caresses. I held my breath for a moment when his touch passed over my scars, but he didn’t linger on them. Nor did he hurry past them. He simply gave them the same loving attention as the rest of me.
When he dropped to his knees between my legs and gazed at me there, I fought the urge to clamp them shut. Fought the chill of vulnerability telling me to cover up and scuttle away.
Novak’s strong hands kneaded my thighs, working pleasure into my sensitive skin, then he quirked an eyebrow up at me. “If you deny me tasting you here, there’s a strong chance you’ll break my heart.”
I forced out a nervous laugh. “We wouldn’t want that, would we?”
His grin was predatory as he leaned in and licked a long stripe up the center of my core. I gasped at the sensation, but couldn’t fully process the pleasure as he licked me again and again. Then his mouth covered me, lips sealing like a kiss while his tongue plundered and explored.
Before I knew it, my hands braced on the desk behind me, my head fell back, and my hips bucked against the face of my vampire lover. Novak held my thighs apart as he feasted on me, teasing me with swirls of his tongue on my clit until I shook with impending release, then he backed off to suck on my labia and slid his tongue inside me. He moaned against my skin, sending more vibrations to tease me toward orgasm but never enough to get me there.
I was desperate to come and never felt so wanton and uninhibited in my life. I didn’t recognize myself like this, stark naked and sweating, head thrown back and breasts thrust in the air, getting eaten out on the edge of a desk.
“Novak… ” My fingers tangled in his long silver hair, urging him up toward my clit to give me sweet release.
He answered with a moan that might have been my name, but resisted my pulling. The more wound up and desperate I got, the more he seemed to enjoy himself. When his mouth broke away and he began to stand up, I could have cried.
“Why’d you stop?” My fingers headed straight for my clit to take the edge off, but he stopped me, catching my wrist and returning it to my side.
“Because I’m taking this moment to be selfish.” He licked his lips with a wicked grin, stepping in so close that his cock rested on my inner thigh, the skin warm and velvety around its thick weight. “I want to be inside you when you come.”
“So what are you waiting for?” My thighs squeezed his waist, ankles locking at the small of his back.
“Nothing.” He stroked my cheek and leaned his forehead on mine. “Just… savoring you.”
He held my nape as our mouths came together in a kiss. This one was sweet, tender and unhurried. His hips shifted, and then I felt the heated kiss of his cock against my entrance. He pushed forward, and my body accepted him with a smooth glide and a sweet stretching that had me moaning into our kiss.
Novak pressed all the way in until our hips were flush and I was deliciously full. He paused there, forehead on mine.
“Fuck, you’re perfect,” he groaned. “Absolutely perfect. I could die right here.”
“Please don’t.”
Our soft laughter turned into moans, sighs, and more kisses as he started to move. He went slowly at first, dragging in and out of me in long strokes with his attention rapt on my face.
“So beautiful when you take me,” he rasped. “The bliss on your face, I love it.”
“More,” I begged, locking my arms around his shoulders. My legs drew him in to keep him closer, keep him deeper. “Please, more. Harder.”
“Fuck...” His grip clamped down on my hips, holding me in place to take the full force of his thrusts.
His intensity and speed ramped up, crashing into me as my pleasure rose like a cresting wave. My head fell back again, awash in everything he was making me feel, when I felt his mouth on my neck. Fangs dragged a sharp path over my skin, adding to the anticipation of building pleasure .
“Yes.” I leaned my head to the side, giving him full access. “Please.”
“Bite me too,” he groaned, his thrusts never stopping. “I need your fangs in me, need to give you my blood. Give you everything.”
I reached for his shoulder on the opposite side, kissing the round muscle before dragging my lips to the side of his neck where his vein pulsed so beautifully. I kissed him there too, feeling the blood pump under his skin as he pumped into me.
We bit at the same time. I didn’t know if it was instinct or coincidence, but no other feeling or sensation could describe that moment. It was completeness, perfection on a level I never thought possible. This connection through our blood, through the joining of our bodies was nothing short of divine.
I felt the orgasm physically, felt the pleasure in my body reach its peak and release through waves of sensation, but also on another plane. It was like my soul, my heart, was also singing in pleasure. And when Novak’s release spilled while I swallowed down his delicious blood, bliss cascading over me while he drank mine, I swore our souls wound together like wires coiling together for eternity.