Chapter 16
16
MALACHI
I wasn’t really one to date. Sex? Yes. But to take someone to dinner, a movie, whatever, hadn’t been my speed for a long time. However, I had to pretend to be dating Savannah because everyone had been on my ass the last two weeks to play up the boyfriend thing.
So, when we had a free day in Winnipeg, she and I headed to a restaurant for a date . Everyone else had a day to do whatever the fuck they wanted—and the guys were doing just that—but I wasn’t so lucky. If I could have, I would’ve taken someone else out to dinner.
Okay, maybe I wasn’t against dating, but rather the person I wanted to date wasn’t Savannah Sky. Except being seen out with Jasper wouldn’t be good with Jesse, Stellar Records, or the fans. The internet was buzzing about me and Savannah, speculating if I was going to be the next one to propose during a concert.
As Savannah and I stepped out of the car, the flash of cameras nearly blinded me. Paparazzi had been following us since we’d left the hotel, and I could feel their eyes boring into my back as we made our way into the Italian restaurant. True to her style, Savannah looped her arm through mine, and waved to the cameras, clearly putting on a show.
We were seated at a table by the window, a prime spot for photographers to get their shots. If we were on an actual date, I would have made sure we sat in the back and out of sight of anyone, but since it was all for publicity, everything had to be on display. Same with the smile on my face, though it wasn’t genuine.
A waitress came over and we ordered a bottle of shiraz. It wasn’t my go-to but nothing was lately. I felt as though none of my actions were truly me. Except, of course, when I had seen Jasper get on our bus alone and I’d followed him inside and blew him. That was fun.
“I can’t wait to get back in the studio and record my next album,” Savannah said, but instead of replying, my gaze wandered out the window, imagining what it would be like to be here with Jasper instead.
We could have been laughing over some inside joke, his hand brushing against mine as we reached for the same piece of bread. But instead, I was here, playing the perfect boyfriend for someone I didn’t love.
Love?
Was I in love with Jasper?
As I sat there, sipping the red wine, I couldn’t deny that a part of me had always loved him. And I wished I could wrap my arms around him and kiss him without having to hide how I felt about him. I wanted everyone to know I was with a guy and not have to fake a relationship with a chick I had sung a duet with—a song I’d written about Jasper, the man I loved. Yeah, I was totally still fucking in love with him.
“Malachi?” Savannah’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. “Are you even listening?”
“Yeah, sorry,” I mumbled, taking another sip of my wine. “Just tired.”
“I know you don’t date, but I feel like I’m the one making this sham of a relationship work.” She gave me a sympathetic look, but I could see the frustration behind her eyes. She knew this was a charade just as well as I did; we both had our roles to play. The fans wanted a romance, so we had to give them one, even if it was a lie.
I lifted a shoulder. “What do you want from me?”
“You’re amazing on stage, playing up the rock star persona. I know you can fake it.”
“I don’t play up the rock star persona, Savvy. Music is in my blood.”
“I get it, but you need to give me something to work with here.”
I took a deep breath and then reached for her hand, playing with her fingers as the cameras outside continued to fire. Doing what needed to be done, we talked and laughed, and I suppose from the outside, it looked as though we were on a date. The paparazzi never let up, capturing every bogus moment of affection.
Once dinner was done, we headed back to the hotel we were staying in. As we entered the lobby, I spotted Jasper near the elevators talking with one of the crew. Our eyes met briefly, and he gave me a tight smile. Was this killing him as much as it was me?
Taking my phone out of my pocket, I sent him a text as the elevator ascended to my floor.
Come to my room
The next day after sound check, I was the last to head toward the buses. We were going to catch some sleep before the show, and since I had been up late the night before, I was looking forward to a little nap. Except as I made my way across the lot, I spotted Jasper leaning against the side of one of the tour buses, engrossed in his phone.
“Hey,” I greeted him, glancing around to make sure we were alone. “You good?”
“Yep—”
I pulled him to the back of the bus and closed the distance between us, his hands immediately going to my waist and bringing me against his body as I pinned him against the metal.
“I hate waking up and you’re gone,” I admitted against his lips.
“I know,” he replied. “But I have to slip out when no one will catch me.”
Just as our lips met again, I heard a sharp intake of breath. We sprang apart, and I turned to see Savannah standing a few feet away, her eyes wide with shock.
“Savannah …” I began.
She crossed her arms, looking between Jasper and me. “Wow. I’m shocked.”
“You can’t tell anyone,” I pleaded.
“Why would I? That would mess up our phony relationship.”
“Yeah,” I agreed and glanced at Jasper. He looked as though he was ready to bolt at any second. I didn’t blame him.
“Does Jesse know?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No. He would flip.”
“How long has this been going on?” she inquired.
“Since …” I hesitated and looked at Jasper again. “Since forever.”
“Forever?”
I grabbed Jasper’s hand and squeezed it before letting it go. “We had a thing back when I lived in Boston.”
To my surprise, Savannah’s expression softened. “Wow. I mean, I knew something was off, but … wow. You really had me fooled.”
Jasper stepped forward. “Savannah, please don’t tell anyone, especially my brother.”
“Also no one knows I’m bi, and I’m not ready to deal with the fallout from that announcement,” I added.
She let out a breath. “I get it now. It all makes sense. You have matching tattoos and all.” She paused, then looked at Jasper with a hint of a smile. “Holy shit. ‘Whispers in the Night’ is about you, huh?”
I nodded to her, then grinned at him. “Yeah, it is.”
“Really?” he asked, looking back at me.
“Of course, it is.” I winked.
“Aw, that’s so cute, and honestly, I thought maybe you just hated being around me.”
“Savvy, no,” I breathed. “It’s not you at all.”
She sighed, a small laugh escaping her lips. “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about you getting mad that I have feelings for Elliott.”
“Wait. What?” I balked.
“We’ve been secretly … Well, probably doing the same as you two.”
“Really?” I had no idea. I knew he’d taken her home the night I turned her down after Jasper arrived in LA, but I had no clue they meant anything to each other.
Jasper chuckled and asked, “So, you’re okay with this?”
Savannah nodded slowly. “I am and maybe we can come up with a plan together to make all our relationships work.”
Except that meant telling Elliott I was bi and with Jasper. “We can’t tell Elliott.”
“Oh.” Savannah’s shoulders sagged. “Right.”
“But I’m cool with keeping up the ruse for as long as we need to. Maybe after the tour, we can have our fake breakup and then you and Elliott can be together in public,” I suggested.
“Or we can create some sort of cheating scandal. Everyone loves a scandal,” she countered.
“If you and Elliott want to do that, then we can discuss it,” I said. “But I’m not ready for him or the other guys to find out about me and Jasper. Especially Jesse. He will flip.”
“Why?” Savannah questioned. “If you two are happy, then shouldn’t he be happy for you?”
“In theory.” I lifted a shoulder. “But I don’t think telling him while we’re mid-tour is the best plan, just in case.”
“All right.” She nodded. “I need to go get a little beauty sleep and I suggest you two stop making out behind the buses where everyone can see.”
“Thanks.” As Savannah walked away, I said to Jasper, “That went better than I expected.”
He nodded. “It did.”
He started to walk away, but I grabbed his wrist. “What’s wrong?”
“Just thinking.”
“About?”
“Jesse,” Jasper replied.
“About telling him?” I dropped his wrist.
He nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know. I feel like we’re back when I was in high school. Jesse shouldn’t care who I date.”
“I agree, but it’s not just that. No one knows I’m bi.”
“I know.” He looked down at the asphalt.
“But I think Savannah’s right,” I continued. “We can’t keep sneaking around forever. We just have to figure out the right time and way to tell them.”
“You want to come out?”
“If it means we can be together, then yeah.”
A smile tugged at his lips. “You want to be together?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Now it is.”
I pulled him closer and brushed my lips against his ear as I whispered, “Good, because I want everyone to know you’re mine.”
Just then, Savannah reappeared, a playful smirk on her face. She didn’t say anything, and Jasper and I pulled apart. The weight of our secret felt a little lighter, knowing we had an ally in her.
Before we parted ways, I tugged Jasper in for one last quick kiss. “I want you in my bed again tonight,” I whispered.
“I’ll be there,” he replied, and we walked to our respective buses.
As I climbed into my bunk, I imagined a future with Jasper, one where we didn’t have to hide. But could that ever be? Just because Savannah was cool with it, didn’t mean Jesse would be.