KIERAN
“You’re not angry?” asked Derek.
“I’ve given enough anger to that bitch. This is low, even for her, but it doesn’t surprise me. The last thing she’d want is for her daughter to make up her own mind about things or be corrupted by dark forces.”
“I’m disgusted with her. It’s bad enough what she did to you, but to put her daughter through the pain of grieving for her big brother. Kelly idolised you.”
“Can you blame her?”
“Don’t be a brat. This is serious.”
“Do you need to punish me?” asked Kieran with a flirty smile.
Derek snorted and shook his head. Okay, so that didn’t work.
“You know, I am feeling upset. Maybe a scene would help me process my emotions.”
“What am I going to do with you?” he asked with affection.
“A scene!”
“Do you want to see your sister?”
Derek would not let this go easily. Kieran wasn’t sure about Kelly.
Seeing Hassan reunite with Omar made him want that for himself, but was he being selfish?
How much pain was he going to inflict on his sister by letting her know not only that he was alive, but what their mum had done?
She was an adult now, so would have a right to know.
And what if Kelly had a really positive relationship with their mum?
His bombshell could destroy all that for her.
He didn’t want that level of responsibility on his shoulders.
“I don’t know if it would cause more harm than good.”
“We don’t have to act on it now. We know where she is, and I can always talk to her first and understand what she knows.”
“Yeah, but you don’t know what that bitch has said about you as well. She might believe you’re doing life imprisonment for my murder, and then you just appear.”
“Unlikely, given you supposedly died in a car crash.”
“That’s a bit . . . vanilla.”
Derek chuckled. “Aren’t you supposed to be meeting the guys in an hour?”
“Yes, but I just need a little something to get me through the afternoon. You know, after this devastating piece of news.”
“You look bereft. It’s a miracle you’re coping.”
Kieran smiled and dropped to his knees, looking up at Derek . . . just waiting for permission. They wouldn’t have time for everything he wanted to do, but he could still enjoy a pre-lunch snack.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said, sitting in their booth at Knights Corner.
“I’m sure Daddy Derek kept you busy,” said Milo, with a smile.
“Please don’t call him Daddy. That’s my safe word.”
They all cracked up laughing.
“What do you call him, then?” asked Milo.
“Derek, or sir, if I’ve been a bad boy.”
They laughed again. It was the first time he’d been with Hassan, Milo, and Liam as a group in what felt like ages.
He’d see them individually or spoken to them on the phone, but being all together was rare now.
Liam didn’t live in London anymore, Hassan never stopped working, and Milo was working on becoming the next Barbara Cartland.
He had a publishing deal for a gay romance series, which Kieran referred to as wolf porn, given it was the romantasy genre.
He’d gotten the Barabra Cartland reference from Derek and had to google who she was.
Omar arrived at their table with a drink for Kieran. One of the others must have ordered it for him.
“Thanks, whoever this was,” said Kieran.
They all shook their heads.
“The gentlemen over there sent it over,” said Omar, gesturing to the bar.
It was Grant Kincaid, who raised his glass in a silent toast to Kieran. He returned the gesture and took a sip of the drink. It was a fruity cocktail, and he’d be ordering more of these, whatever they were. He gave Grant a slight smile and turned back to his friends, who were all watching.
“How is your boyfriend?” asked Liam.
“Boyfriend? We’re not . . . I don’t know what we are, to be honest.”
“Fuck buddies,” said Hassan.
“No. It’s more than that. We’ve just not had that conversation. He makes me food and gives me orgasms. I guess that makes him a boyfriend.”
The others laughed.
“Do you go on dates?” asked Liam.
“We go out for dinner and things like that, but we’ve never said, ‘This is a date,’ or anything like that. Do I need to ask him, or will it freak him out?”
“It would take a lot to freak a man like Derek out,” said Hassan.
Kieran wasn’t sure what to say. He suddenly felt insecure about what he had with Derek.
He knew the man cared about him, and they had amazing sexual chemistry, but they’d never put a label on what their relationship now was.
He certainly didn’t think of Derek as his former stepdad anymore, but what was he?
“What’s everyone eating?” asked Kieran, wanting to change the subject.
“Subtle,” said Hassan.
“Or we could talk about you being the only one in the group not getting regular orgasms?”
Liam and Milo laughed.
“I get plenty of orgasms, thank you,” said Hassan.
“But you’ve not found yourself a boy yet?”
Hassan glared at him.
“What have we missed?” asked Milo.
“Derek thinks Hassan is a daddy.”
“I can see that,” said Liam.
“What the fuck!” said Hassan. “See it how?”
“You’re very . . . bossy and . . . organised in bed.”
They all cracked up. Even Hassan couldn’t help himself.
“So, when are we going to meet your daddy?” Kieran asked Liam.
“He’s a father, not a daddy. And anytime you want. You should come and visit. We both usually work on Saturdays, so Sunday is the best day for us.”
They all agreed and said they’d make time to do it before the end of the year, although it was already October. At the start of the year, they had been four single guys – well, Milo had been secretly screwing the deputy prime minister – and now it was only Hassan who was single.
After ordering food, they caught up on their respective lives.
Milo was busy getting his book ready for publication, Liam was making changes at the family bakery he’d taken over when his mum had died, and Hassan was completing more qualification so he could move into private consulting.
He had a desirable skill set that could make him a shitload of money on the side.
He missed their little group. After living together for six years, he’d gotten used to seeing them every day, even if they wound each other up constantly.
Kieran still had Hassan, but he liked to boss Kieran around.
It had been more balanced with the four of them.
It was easier for Kieran to just agree with what Hassan was saying most of the time.
He knew it came from a place of love, and his bestie was a control freak, so anything for a quiet life.
Remembering what Liam had said, he couldn’t help snorting.
“What?” asked Hassan, narrowing his eyes when he saw Kieran’s smile. “Do I want to know?”
“Just realised that you’re not just bossy in the bedroom.”
They all laughed again, even Hassan. They needed to make time to do this more often.
“Are you okay?” asked Hassan when they were back home.
Liam and Milo had returned to their respective homes, and Sarah was working, so it was just the two of them.
Kieran was surprised Omar hadn’t moved into their flat yet.
He knew Hassan wasn’t happy with his brother sharing a house with a dozen other people in East London.
At the moment, he seemed focused on getting Omar a job that wasn’t in hospitality.
“I’m fine. Why are you asking?”
“I didn’t mean to put you on the spot about Derek. You should just talk to him. He probably assumes you’re in a relationship but doesn’t want to say it and freak you out.”
“I’m not freaked out by it.”
“Aww, look at you. All grown up,” he said, ruffling Kieran’s hair.
“Piss off,” he said, smacking Hassan’s hand away and laughing.
“Are you worried he just sees you as a bit of fun?”
Kieran shook his head. “Definitely not. If anything, he’s holding back. I haven’t had the full experience from him yet.”
“He’s still not fucked you?”
“Yeah, he’s done that. It’s just tamer than I thought it would be.”
“Ah, boring.”
“Stop saying that! If you must know, I’ve never been fucked so well in my life.”
“Really?”
“Yep. Sorry, babes. He’s better than you.”
“You don’t know the moves I’ve picked up over the last ten years.”
Kieran chuckled. That was a fair point. They’d both been relatively inexperienced when they’d first fucked, but his bestie had still been bossy back then.
“I guess I’m not used to being . . . I don’t know what the word is. I guess I could say he respects me and doesn’t treat me like I’m just a body to fuck.”
“You know that’s a good thing, don’t you, Kieran?”
“Of course I do. But I enjoy feeling used as well. I don’t think I’d ever feel like that with Derek, even if he was in full dom mode.”
“Again, not a bad thing, Kieran. You deserve to be respected, cherished, and loved.”
Kieran nodded his agreement. Hassan was right. He deserved that, so why did it feel so alien to him? His history with men was the obvious answer, but he was worried it had messed him up so badly that when he had something amazing, he would always feel like he didn’t deserve it.
“Why don’t you talk to him?” Hassan suggested.
“He’s busy at the club tonight and tomorrow. We’re spending the day together on Monday.”
“Have you thought any more about your sister?”
“No. I need to get a job first before I do anything else.”
“Or you could use that money to open your own shop.”
He shook his head. Kieran felt that if he spent the money from Grant on his own shop, he would somehow own part of it.
Kieran knew he was being stupid, but he couldn’t help overthinking things.
When he opened his own shop, he wanted to have done it on his own merit, but the money would come in handy for giving him a safety net whilst he looked for another job.
Derek pulled Kieran into a kiss the moment he walked through the door.
Derek had given him a key to come and go as he pleased, but he still felt obliged to knock when he was home.
Kieran melted against him and stroked his hand over the man’s hard cock, then groaned and deepened the kiss.
Maybe they could have a little fun before they went out for lunch.
Sadly, that wasn’t an option when Derek pulled away and turned Kieran around before pushing him out the door.
“Can’t we just have lunch here?” he asked.
“No, because if we stay here, the only thing I’ll be eating is your hole.”
Derek’s voice went extra deep when he said that, which made Kieran’s legs feel like they were going to buckle.
Derek chuckled and guided Kieran down the path.
Thankfully, they were only going somewhere within walking distance.
Derek had asked if Kieran wanted to go somewhere in Central London, but he liked the local restaurants.
There was a lot of choice nearby and they weren’t overly busy, nor were they packed with tourists.
There were going to what Kieran would describe as a “posh café.” It had low lighting, impeccable decoration, and great service, but served anything you would find in a greasy spoon.
The exception was that the chips weren’t greasy, there were fewer of them, and they were served in a basket rather than just dumped on your plate.
Kieran liked the wraps they did here, so he went for the chicken and halloumi, with chips and salad on the side.
Normally, he would have just had salad, but Derek was always grumbling that he didn’t eat enough.
“How was your lunch with the guys?” asked Derek.
“Great. I wish we could do it more often.”
“Why can’t you?”
“They’re all busy with their men or work.”
“And what about you?”
“What do you mean? I don’t have a job.”
“Kieran.”
Fuck! That growly voice he used meant he needed to adjust himself.
Was Derek wanting to know if Kieran regarded him as his man?
Before his brain could spiral, Derek took hold of his hand.
Kieran couldn’t help but look around, but nobody was looking at them, and why did that matter anyway?
He’d never hidden his queerness ever since he’d come out, so why he was worried about what people would think of him, he wasn’t sure.
“Is this okay?” asked Derek, gesturing to their joined hands.
He nodded. It felt more intimate that being impaled on Derek’s dick. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought.
“I won’t ask what you were just thinking about while we’re in a public place.”
Kieran snorted. “Probably a good idea.”
“But I wanted to ask you something, if that’s okay?”
Kieran felt his stomach somersault and his heart rate elevate, but he nodded.
“I know we’ve slipped into a relationship, but I’ve not stopped to ask what it is you want. I’ve not wanted to push anything given everything you’ve been through, but I’d like something more formal with you. We’ve got something really special here, Kieran.”
Kieran wasn’t sure what to say. He’d only been saying a couple of days ago that he wasn’t sure how to describe what they had together, and now Derek had started that conversation.
His words made Kieran’s eyes water. Derek squeezed his hand.
It was reassuring. He wasn’t pushing Kieran to speak, just letting the silence sit there.
It wasn’t uncomfortable. Kieran knew what he wanted to say, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get the words out without crying.
“I think . . . I think we’ve got something special as well,” he said, choking on the last few words. “I just don’t want you to think . . .” He had to stop and collect himself. “I don’t want you to think I’m weak.”
“Kieran . . . you’re one of the strongest people I know.”
The sincerity in Derek’s eyes made Kieran tear up again. Thank fuck this place was low-lit, but he was still conscious that they were in a public place.
“Do you want to get out of here?”
Kieran shook his head. He still had half his wrap left, and it was too nice to leave. Besides, he wasn’t sure if he could hold himself together if they were in the privacy of Derek’s house.
“Would you ever want to take things further with me?” asked Kieran. His stomach churned with anxiety about what Derek might say.
“Of course, Kieran. We haven’t taken things further . . . not because I think you’re weak, it’s just . . . I’m being selfish if I’m honest.”
“You’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met.”
“I’m falling for you, Kieran, and before I explore that side of things with you, I want to be sure that you see a future for us.”
Kieran was sure his heart had stopped beating. He’d never had anyone say something like that to him before. The thought both excited and terrified him at the same time. Derek had been honest about how he felt. Now it was Kieran’s turn to be open about his feelings and take a risk with his heart.