CHAPTER 11
CARTER
Gavin was a mess when we found him. I don’t think anybody other than Pete could have reached him at that point. Seeing him like that broke me. Thinking that he was dealing with so much for so long and didn’t feel like he could talk to us about it, hell, talk to anybody about it. It broke my heart.
Our chat with Gavin lays heavy on my mind as I drive home. I’ve always been the joker of the group, determined to bring smiles and keep spirits up. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I hate that he thought he couldn't talk to me. My parents showed me that even when things are hard, we don’t have to let it take away our happiness. Staying positive is my whole personality. I never intended for that to come across to my friends like I don’t give a fuck or that I can’t be leaned on in times of trouble.
As far as I was concerned my childhood was awesome. We didn’t have a fancy car or a big house, but I didn't care about that shit. I just wanted to hang out with my friends, go on adventures on our bikes then come home and eat my mom’s amazing cooking. I never noticed the failed payment letters or the way we never went on vacations, until I got to high school and asshole kids would point out my cheap clothes and make fun of my bike. I still didn’t care about that shit but it did make me take off the rose-tinted glasses and look around. My dad looked older than his years. He worked twelve-hour days fixing machines at a tire factory. He was always covered in oil like a mechanic. If he was exhausted with his life he never complained. He always came home for dinner and would sit and draw with me when Mom would leave to work the night shift at a local diner.
I never noticed the deep grooves under my mom’s eyes. A visible sign of how tired she was. Working all night serving truckers and drunks bad coffee before coming home and getting me breakfast and ready for school. My parents were superheroes but once I saw behind the curtain, so to speak, it was hard to ignore my mom’s red puffy eyes as she tried to put together a meal with what little we had. It seemed like they worked themselves to the bone and gave everything they had to ensure that I had a great childhood.
They for sure shaped the man I am today. I saw how hard they worked and the sacrifices they had to make, but they did it with a smile on their faces and love in their hearts. I know people look at me like I’m an idiot who just jokes around all the time, never taking life seriously. I’m not an idiot. I choose to be positive and try my best to make other people laugh. I work hard so I can help my parents. I donate time and money to the youth center because I know not all kids are as lucky as I was growing up. Life is hard, that's a fact we can’t control, but what we can control is how we choose to live it.
I’m not a religious guy, not at all. But I remember a prayer taught to me during religious studies in high school and it resonated with me. I may not pray to God but I like to repeat the words when my mind is swirling like it is right now. I’m worried about Gavin and Roman’s mental well-being and Pete’s physical health. I want to just take away all of their pain but this isn't something that can be fixed with a joke for any of them. It’s funny the things your mind holds on to. So I repeat the quote and remind myself that what I need to do is to accept what I can’t change, find the courage to change what I can, and hope to fuck to know the difference.
Check me out being all deep and shit.
My mind is fully absorbed in thoughts for the entire journey home. I was clearly on autopilot, because I barely remember the drive and now I'm sitting in my driveway with the car ignition shut off, just staring at my house. I need to call Pete and check in with him, but with the way Gavin was when I left I think they need some time alone. I shoot him a quick text telling him I will reach out tomorrow and if either of them need anything not to hesitate to call. That is one of the things I can't change. I can’t take away Gavin’s demons or erase Pete being drugged. What I can do is offer support and unconditional love for my friends.
Now to go inside and talk to Roman. I already know he isn’t going to want to tell me what happened. He looked ashamed last night. Ashamed and terrified, which was why I didn’t push the matter. But in order for me to help, to be his person like I want to be I need him to know I am here and I won’t judge him for his past, present or even future. Within reason of course. It’s still a hard no for the dump on my chest thing. I seriously hope my beau isn’t into weird shit like that. It’s a hard limit for me.
Stepping out of the car and away from that train of thought, I head into the house. Opening the front door I realize belatedly that I forgot to stop and grab breakfast. Not that I'm hungry after the little detour my brain just took but I'm sure Roman is and I can’t have Muscles going hungry.
I hurriedly enter the kitchen and pull open the fridge door, pushing things aside until I find the eggs. Perfect. Now I just need there to be bacon and I can make an epic ‘I’m sorry I rushed off but can you please rip open your chest and show me all your dark parts’ breakfast.
ROMAN
Watching Carter rush out the door in a panic, with concern so evident on his face, woke me up completely. I could tell he didn’t want to leave like that after what happened last night. I get that some guys might think it was some kind of ploy to escape, but I don’t think that’s Carter's style. My confidence might be shot to shit over most things but not this. Especially when he’s rushing off without question to help his friend. It just shows me what kind of guy Carter is. Besides, this might be the first night I've slept without nightmares since I got out. Not even the dried crusty cum on my chest could put me in a bad mood. Getting out of bed I head to the shower in the hallway. I doubt he would care if I used his shower but he’s not here to ask and I feel kind of weird about it.
As I wait for the water to heat up I turn to the mirror and take in my reflection. I’m not sure what I expected to find. The bruises I suffered from last night aren’t the physical kind. No, they are embedded deep in my mind. Those guys seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. Perhaps I was too lost in thoughts of how fucking happy I was to be spending time with my brother. Hearing him sing and getting to know his fiance and friends better. Then there was Carter. The guy emanates joy, it's infectious. When I turned from the sink after washing my hands, I saw three guys standing there looking at me like they were waiting for a response, I hadn’t even heard them speak.
“ Well, if it isn’t Roman fucking Hilson. What are you doing here? Did they finally release the dog from the pound?” one of them asks and something tickles the back of my brain. He looks kind of familiar. I guess he is since he knows who I am and apparently where I have been for the last fifteen years.
“What's wrong? Cat got your tongue? Or did they cut it off in prison? No less than what you deserve for what you did to Mr. Hobbs.”
Before I have a chance to respond another one pipes up.
“Mr. Hobbs was a good guy, you almost killed him you fucking psycho and they let you out?” I shake my head. Whether to dispute how good of a guy Terry was or them calling me a psycho, I'm not sure, but they aren’t interested in what I have to say either way. The three of them are closing in around me.
“We don’t need the likes of you around here, so either get the fuck out of town or you will find out what it’s like to be beaten to within an inch of your life.” A glob of spit lands between my feet on the bathroom floor. My eyes are glued to it. Is this the kind of shit that Ryan and my mom have been dealing with? Have guys like this hassled Ry because of what they think I did? Fuck, I feel sick. My back hits the wall. I didn’t even realize I was stepping back. I’m not afraid of these guys. I've faced far scarier and far more guys in prison. The thought of my family being put through this though, has my chest constricting. They don’t deserve any of this. They didn’t do anything. My family has suffered because I chose to love somebody who would sooner see me in prison than admit they were in a relationship with me.
My breathing is becoming laboured and I’m worried I’m going to fucking pass out in this bathroom.
“HEY!” My head snaps up at the almost roar. I recognize that voice. Fuck, Carter. His body moves in front of mine and I watch the muscles in his back tensing like he's preparing for a fight. I don’t want anybody else hurt because of me.
I begged him to take me home and make me forget. Just for one night I wanted to be Roman or Muscles or fucking Alpha. A smile pulls at my lips remembering some of the ridiculous things he was saying and how he was able to remove me from reality entirely. He knew without me needing to explain anything that I just needed to get out of my head. Unfortunately, now in the harsh light of day, I know I need to face what happened. Carter deserves an explanation and he deserves to know exactly who he has hitched his wagon to. Even if he believes me when I explain what happened that night, he will have to face bullshit like last night for as long as we are publicly together.
The idea of offering to keep things between us hidden flits through my brain but there is no way I can do that again, not even for somebody as amazing as Carter. I can’t make the same mistakes again and I deserve better than being somebody else's dirty little secret. Scrubbing a hand down my face I turn to the shower. One step at a time. Shower, food, then prepare to bleed myself dry in front of Carter and hope that he doesn’t look at me with the same disgust those guys had on their faces last night.
I watch Carter run to the kitchen the second he crosses the threshold a few hours later. He didn’t even see me sitting on the couch reading one of the books I found on the shelf in his bedroom when I went to gather up my clothes from last night. I guess if things keep going with us the way they did last night I should learn more about this Alpha/Omega kink he has. Not gonna lie, I’m invested. This is a good book, I wasn’t expecting so many sex scenes involving so many guys but I am not complaining. In fact, I’m being educated.
Carter is muttering to himself as he pulls first eggs then an open pack of bacon from the fridge before sniffing it. He looks oddly determined. Instead of asking him why he's staring at the contents of his fridge so intently, I choose to ignore it. In the short time I have known Carter I've established that it's better to just let his strange idiosyncrasies go without question.
“How’s Gavin? I take it, you found him?” I ask as I approach the breakfast bar. He must really have been deep in thought because my question startles him and he drops the carton of eggs, the telltale cracking sound making me wince. “Shit, I’m sorry, man.”
“What are you sorry for? I’m the one who forgot to bring food back and now I’ve dropped the eggs. You are losing muscle as we speak.” His forlorn expression as he looks back down at the eggs makes me chuckle.
“If it makes you feel any better, I already ate some oatmeal earlier. I’m good for now. Why don’t you sit here and I’ll make you some toast and bacon?” I offer with a smile as I move around the breakfast bar to usher him to sit down. He must be shaken up. Finding out that your friend was drugged and the other missing would be a shock to anybody's system and now the adrenaline is dropping. Thankfully, he doesn’t fight me on it and sits down on the stool I just vacated.
“Yeah, we found him. I can’t say he's okay but I think he will be.” He releases a long breath then brings his eyes up to meet mine. “Can we talk?” he asks in the most serious tone I've heard from him to date. Even though I’ve been preparing for this conversation all morning I still feel every muscle in my body tense up as I bend down to clean up the broken eggs.
“Yeah, Tatts, we can talk. Let me get you some food first,” I promise and turn to the stove to start the bacon and to give myself just a few minutes to remember I got this.