Chapter Two #3
Taylor hesitated. He wanted to tell Jacob about the mate thing, but he didn’t know how Jacob would react.
It wouldn’t be bad, but would it be what Taylor needed right now?
He wasn’t even sure what he needed, to be honest. His life had been turned upside down, and he had no idea how to straighten it back up.
He wasn’t sure he could.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it,” Jacob said when Taylor didn’t explain. “But whatever happened, I’m here for you. I’m not going to leave just because you’re attracted to guys. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re my best friend. It doesn’t change who you are.”
Taylor wasn’t sure about that, either. If he wasn’t straight, what was he? How could he not have known before meeting his mate? And beyond that, what did being bisexual, or whatever he seemed to be, mean? How would it change him? “It has to change something.”
“Why should it? Your sexuality and who you’re attracted to is only a tiny part of you. Since I’m your friend and nothing more, it’s a part I don’t really care about. I want you to be happy with whoever makes you feel that way, and it doesn’t change anything for me if it’s a man or woman.”
Of course it didn’t change anything for him. He wasn’t the one in Taylor’s position. Taylor almost told him that, but Jacob was trying to help, and Taylor couldn’t face this on his own.
He sighed and leaned against the wall. He needed the support because his legs felt like jelly. “It’s just a lot.”
“I can see that.”
“I don’t care about you being gay.” That wasn’t the problem there.
Jacob was Jacob, and Taylor loved him just as he was.
“Like you said, you’re my best friend, and who you’re with doesn’t change that.
I’m glad that you met Tony and that you can be happy with him, and I don’t care that Tony’s a man or what you do in your bedroom.
” He paused. “In fact, please don’t tell me.
I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes at work. ”
“I never had any intention of telling you what Tony and I do in our bedroom.”
Thank God for small mercies. Taylor could think of few things worse than imagining what his boss and his best friend got up to in their bedroom.
Taylor rubbed his face. He needed help, which meant that he had to stop wasting time. His mate was still in the bedroom, and Taylor would have to do something about him sooner rather than later. He had to get over his panic and take charge of the situation. “He’s my mate, Jacob.”
Jacob was silent for a moment. Taylor gave him time to understand what he’d said. It had taken him a second, too, and he was much more involved.
“Ben is your mate?” Jacob asked.
Taylor blinked. “Who’s Ben?”
“The panda shifter. Tony let me know his name earlier.”
“That’s good.”
“So the panda shifter is your mate?”
“Yeah. What am I supposed to do?” Taylor asked. He didn’t know, but maybe Jacob would. Taylor would be happy even with a gentle push in the right direction. He just wanted to stop feeling like he didn’t know himself.
“I think that, to begin with, you need to breathe. I understand why you’re overwhelmed, but being Ben’s mate doesn’t change who you are. You don’t have to be with him. You don’t even have to go back in that room and see him ever again if you don’t want to.”
“But it would be bad if I didn’t want to be with him.” Because they were mates. Could Taylor reject Ben? His first instinct was to say no, but could he?
Jacob grimaced. “Well, you won’t have another mate, so if you want that kind of bond with someone, you’ll have to accept Ben.”
“I wasn’t looking for my mate.” In fact, Taylor had been happy dating here and there and never going further than that.
He hadn’t been saving himself for his mate or anything like that.
He hadn’t been thinking about what would happen if he did.
Even when Jacob had met Tony, Taylor hadn’t thought he’d be next.
He wished he hadn’t been.
“You may not have been looking for him, but he found you anyway,” Jacob said gently.
“You’re going to have to deal with that.
Running away from Ben isn’t going to help either of you.
You don’t have to decide what you want right now, but you’ll have to eventually.
You can’t just ignore all of this, Taylor. ”
But he could try, right? Jacob’s expression told Taylor that he wouldn’t let him, but that didn’t mean that Jacob had to go all in. “I don’t know what to do, but it wouldn’t be fair to him to reject him right off the bat, right?” he asked. He already knew the answer, but he needed Jacob to approve.
He wouldn’t.
“You can do whatever you want.”
“You don’t really think that.” Taylor knew Jacob, maybe better than he knew himself, considering everything. He wouldn’t approve of Taylor running away or rejecting Ben right away.
“I don’t, but I won’t judge you if that’s what you do.
I think that you’re overwhelmed and that Ben needs help.
We need to focus on that before anything else.
It will give you time to wrap your mind around what happened and understand yourself a little better.
At the very least, you should talk to Ben, but not today. ”
Taylor slumped against the wall. He did need to talk to Ben. Taylor was overwhelmed and confused, but none of that was Ben’s fault. He couldn’t help the fact that he was Taylor’s mate. He hadn’t chosen this.
Neither of them had.
* * * *
BEN WANTED TO GO AFTER Taylor. He wanted to know what was going through Taylor’s mind, but the only way for him to find out would be to ask Taylor, and he doubted he’d be able to do that.
Hell, even if he could, would Taylor tell him anything?
The way he’d reacted when he’d smelled Ben told Ben everything he needed to know.
The only thing he could do was hope that once the initial shock had faded, Taylor would at least agree to talk to him.
“We can’t help you if you don’t tell us what you’re running from,” Gal said.
He sounded nice and understanding, but Ben still wasn’t sure he could trust him. He wished Taylor was here. His presence had been enough to keep Ben calm these past few days, but that was gone now. Ben was the furthest thing from calm.
Tony cleared his throat. Even with his uniform, he wasn’t as intimidating as Gal, maybe because he couldn’t turn into a massive bear and hurt Ben. Ben kind of liked him. He wasn’t pushy, even though he had to want things to move forward.
“Maybe we can give Ben a few more days,” Tony suggested. “He just shifted back to his human form after who knows how many days.”
“Weeks,” Ben murmured. “Maybe more. I’m not sure what month it is.” He’d spent time in his human form when he’d been in Jimmy’s basement, but it had felt safer for him to be in his panda fur when he’d escaped. It still did, and it took everything he had not to shift back.
“Well, no matter how long it’s been, I can’t begin to imagine how confused you have to be, and that’s not even considering everything else. I think you should take a shower and maybe eat something if you feel up to it. We can sit down and talk in a few days, once things have calmed down.”
Ben desperately wanted that, but would it mean that Taylor would stay away from him for a few days? “And Taylor?”
“I don’t know, Ben.”
“I want to see him.”
Tony grimaced. “Look, I haven’t known Taylor long, but he’s a nice guy. He wouldn’t have reacted that way if he hadn’t been just as confused and overwhelmed as you are. As far as I know, he’s straight, so you can imagine what’s going on in his head.”
Ben blinked. He hadn’t realized that Taylor thought he was straight.
Ben was very much not a woman, so Taylor’s reaction made sense now, but the explanation didn’t make it any easier to accept.
Ben was hurt by his mate’s reaction. He hadn’t expected Taylor to declare his eternal love for him, but he also hadn’t expected him to run away screaming for the hills.
Was being Ben’s mate that awful? For a straight guy, it might be, but there was no way Taylor could be straight if he was Ben’s mate. Taylor would have to accept that.
Now Ben felt guilty. Could he really ask that of Taylor?
Eventually, yes, but right now? Ben should give Taylor space and time, and he wanted to, but he was also wary of spending too much time with the pride when he didn’t know them well.
He didn’t think they would hurt him, but what did he know?
They were strangers—nice strangers, but strangers nonetheless.
Ben had no idea what Gal and Tony were really thinking, although he could take a guess.
Gal had asked who was after Ben. He wanted to ensure that his pride would be safe, and to do that, he needed to know who was after him.
“He doesn’t want to talk to me?” Ben asked. He hated that his voice was shaky, but he couldn’t hide it. Maybe they’d think it was because he was hungry and weak.
“I don’t think that pushing him to talk right now would be the best idea,” Tony said. “Let’s give both of you a couple of days, okay? You can rest and start recuperating.”
“Here?”
“I’m sure Taylor will be fine with that, but I’ll tell Jacob to ask. In the meantime, why don’t I help you to the bathroom? You can take a shower while Gal grabs you some food from the kitchen.”
Ben blinked at the way Tony was casually ordering the alpha around. Gal didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he looked amused, and he winked at Ben when he noticed him watching him. Ben felt his cheeks heat, but he didn’t have the time to apologize. Gal was already moving toward the door.
“I’ll do that and see if I can find Jacob and Taylor,” he said. “Tony will take care of you, Ben. You have nothing to worry about with him or with any member of my pride. I promise you that you’re safe here and that you can take as much time as you need.”
Ben wanted to believe it, but he held himself back. He needed more time. He couldn’t afford to trust the wrong people. He already had, and look where that had gotten him.
Gal left the bedroom, seemingly unworried about Ben and what he would be up to if left alone.
Of course, Tony was there, and considering the state Ben was in, he wouldn’t get anywhere even if he tried.
He wasn’t even sure he could get to the bathroom without falling on his face.
He’d managed as a panda, but the shift had sapped a lot of his energy, and he was weaker in his human form anyway.
“Let’s get you to the bathroom,” Tony said.
Ben desperately wanted to get clean. He hated that Taylor hadn’t been able to smell him because of how much he stank. Knowing that made his skin feel itchy.
He slowly stood, surprised when his legs held up. He was scared of moving, though, so he was relieved when Tony stepped closer and reached for him. He moved slowly, but Ben couldn’t afford to push him away. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to.
Tony wrapped an arm around Ben’s waist and paused for a second. Ben stayed where he was, biting his lower lip as he told himself he was fine. Tony wouldn’t hurt him.
“All right,” Tony murmured. “Slow and steady.”
It took them an eternity to reach the bathroom, and by the time they did, Ben felt like he was about to collapse. He wanted to cry, but he swallowed the tears. He’d wait until he was alone.
“Thank you,” he told Tony. “I’m fine now.”
“I’m not leaving you alone. It would be too easy for you to feel weak or faint and fall. You don’t need to add an injury to your problems.”
“I don’t need your help.”
Tony helped Ben lower himself to the closed toilet, but he didn’t straighten right away. Instead, he crouched in front of Ben and looked at him with an expression so gentle that Ben felt a tear escape. He reached up to dry it, but he couldn’t look away from Tony.
“It’s okay to accept help,” Tony said. “I understand that you don’t trust us.
I don’t know what you’re running from, but it can’t be anything good, and I can’t even imagine everything you’ve been through.
I realize this is hard, but I promise that no one here wants to hurt you.
Gal wants answers so he can protect the pride, and I’d like to know if I need to be ready to arrest someone, but we can wait for answers.
We won’t push, and we’ll give you all the help you might need. You don’t need to be afraid.”
Ben had been afraid for so long. He wanted to stop feeling that way, but he wasn’t sure he could.
He’d thought he’d be able to when he’d met his mate, but Taylor had run, and now, Ben had no idea what to think or how to feel.
He was tired, though. He was tired of running and panicking and not trusting anyone, not even himself.
“Okay,” he whispered. “You can help me.”
Tony didn’t gloat. He just smiled sweetly and pushed himself up, then turned toward the shower to start the water. Ben closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall. He hoped he wasn’t doing the wrong thing, but even if he was, what could he do about it?