Chapter 21
TATE
The following morning, Leah and I went down to the first floor where a brunch had been set up for the wedding party and close friends.
Taylor and Juliana had already arrived and seemed to be enjoying themselves.
As I looked over at my son conversing with some friends, I realized how lucky I was that Blair and I were on the same page.
Even after all this time, I trusted her, trusted that she cared about my son enough not to want to hurt him.
You’d think that might have provided me some relief, but my feelings about Blair and about my life in general remained tumultuous.
I couldn’t get over her phone being stolen mere hours after we’d left each other.
It made my heart hurt, and I realized it was possible to see this situation simultaneously through parallel lenses.
One view only wanted to protect Taylor, while the other would always hold a place for Blair, would always mourn the idea that she might’ve called if she’d had my number.
And would certainly mourn the idea that she and I might’ve had a future together.
That torturous question popped into my mind once again.
Would I have done things differently if I could go back in time and know Blair was Taylor’s friend?
No. I was still certain I wouldn’t have changed a thing.
If that made me a shitty person, so be it.
I couldn’t imagine never having known her, never having those precious days together.
Leah and I found a spot to sit, and as I walked back from the buffet, I noticed Blair. I hadn’t seen her enter the dining room. She looked more refreshed than last night and wore a floral dress, reminiscent of the ones I remembered her wearing at the resort.
She glanced up at me and then to the plate I’d piled high with food.
She shook her head and smiled, which surprised me.
I looked down at my plate and realized she must’ve been thinking that some things never change.
Her smile was a bit of nostalgia amidst the chaos of this wedding weekend.
I cherished it. Maybe some things were still the same.
If no one else had been here, I would’ve gone straight to her table, shared my food with her, and urged her to tell me everything about her life.
The fact that I couldn’t felt almost cruel.
Instead, I buried the urge and passed her table, finding my seat next to Leah.
I’d gotten enough food to feed three people, but my appetite had vanished.
I watched as Blair got up and went to the buffet line. As she stood with her back to me, I admired her beautiful, long blonde hair, recalling how it had felt between my fingers. She was right here, and yet I missed her so much.
As she moved through the line, Taylor walked over to chat with her.
I could tell how close they were. My stomach sank, followed by a flash of panic.
Had they always been just friends, or was there a time when it had been more than that?
I couldn’t ask Taylor, of course, so the only way I’d ever know was to ask Blair.
Not sure why it mattered. Taylor was happily married now.
But my curiosity lingered throughout brunch, and I felt like I was going insane.
I should’ve been embarrassed for being jealous of my own son.
“Are you okay?” Leah asked.
If I’d had a nickel for every time she’d had to check on my sanity this weekend…
“Yeah.” I sighed. “I’m fine.”
“You keep looking over at the buffet table. Did you not get enough food?” She laughed, gesturing to my plate. “I mean… It’ll take you three days to eat all that.”
“I’m just spacing out.” I rubbed my eyes. “Still pretty tired from yesterday.”
“Hmm…” she said.
After about ten minutes of trying to eat, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, planning to throw some water on my face and reset.
Or that’s what I told myself. I’d also seen Blair leave a minute earlier and wanted to see if I could steal a moment with her.
I hoped for just one more opportunity to talk before we parted ways today.
It would be a hell of a lot harder to see her without the wedding excuse.
Blair was nowhere to be found in the hallway outside the dining room. I decided to get some air, and I found her standing just outside the door.
My heart raced as I stepped out. “Hey.”
She flinched and looked around. “What are you doing here, Tate?”
“I’m sorry.” I looked over my shoulder.
“You need to go back inside.”
But I couldn’t. “I need to ask you something really quick. Something occurred to me...”
A look of alarm crossed her face. “What?”
“I know you and Taylor are great friends. That’s very apparent.” I pulled in a breath. “But were you ever more?”
She shook her head. “No. Never. We never had that kind of relationship. Not even once.” Blair looked me straight in the eyes, and I knew she was telling the truth.
A long breath escaped me, and I felt a little euphoric, like a cloud of calm had enveloped me after I’d nearly sent myself off the deep end. It was pathetic, really.
“I’m sorry, Blair. Not very mature of me to be focused on my jealousy when we have bigger fish to fry.” I placed my hand on my heart. “But I couldn’t breathe until I knew.”
“It’s okay.” She nodded. “I get it. I’d want to know the same thing.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
“There’s no playbook for how to react to this situation,” she said.
“That’s for damn sure.”
“You’d better go back inside, Tate, before someone sees us.”
I looked over my shoulder again. “You gave me your number. Is it okay if I call you soon?” I shook my head. “I assure you, I don’t have an ulterior motive. I just feel like we need to talk. I’m not going to be able to focus until we do.”
“I agree that we should talk more, but I need you to give me some time. I’m not at a place in my life where I can easily handle this.”
My brows drew in. What the hell does that mean? But I couldn’t very well force her to keep in contact with me. “Will you promise to let me know when you’re ready?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
My stomach twisted, but there was nothing else I could do. “I’m going back in now.” I exhaled. “Take care of yourself, Blair.”
“You, too.”
I stepped back inside and started down the hall to the brunch, but my pace slowed as I noticed Taylor walking toward me. I stiffened. How close had I come to getting caught talking to Blair outside? Jesus.
“Have you seen my friend Blair?” he asked.
My blood went cold. Why is he asking me that?
“No.” I cleared my throat. “Why? What’s going on?”
“I saw her leave the brunch a while ago, and I wanted to be sure she was okay. She’s been acting a little bit strange this whole wedding.”
“I see…”
Had he noticed my strange behavior? I had to have been just as conspicuous.
He sighed. “When are you heading home?”
“Probably right after brunch.”
“It was nice meeting Leah. I was just chatting with her.”
I forced a smile. “I’m happy you like her.”
“Do you think that’s going somewhere serious?” he asked.
“I honestly couldn’t tell you.” I shook my head.
“Well, she seems great.” Taylor smacked my arm.
Leah was great. And I’d thought maybe I could learn to be happy again. Yet the only time I was sure I’d been happy was with his best friend, Blair. It was so fucked up.
“I appreciate your approval,” I told him.
“I know you and Mom have your issues,” he said. “But I’m proud of you both for getting along this weekend. It can’t be easy being around each other, but it’s meant a lot to me.”
“Your mother deserves my respect. She did a damn good job raising you to be the man you’ve become. And I’m happy she and I are cordial now.”
“Yeah…” He smiled. “Me too.”
“When do you leave for your honeymoon?”
“In a week. We’re so psyched. We need a vacation badly. Work’s been crazy for Juliana and for me.”
“Aruba, right?”
He nodded.
“I hope the trip is everything you want it to be.”
“Well, I’ll let you know.” He smacked my arm again as he walked away. “Make sure you come say goodbye before you leave.”
“Of course.”
I watched him continue down the hall. I wondered whether Blair had left her spot outside the door or whether he’d find her still standing there. I hated that she would have to look him in the eye and lie again about why she’d been acting strangely.
As I returned to the brunch, I prepared to face Leah. What was supposed to be a quick bathroom trip had turned into a twenty-minute disappearance.
“Sorry I took so long,” I said.
“Were you in the bathroom all that time?” she asked.
“Actually, I ran into Taylor, and we had a quick chat.”
Her mouth curved into a smile. “Oh, okay. I’m happy you and he are getting along.”
“Yeah, so am I.”
“What do you wanna do for the rest of the afternoon?” she asked.
I scratched my chin. “Actually, I have a ton of errands. Just some stuff I’ve been putting off around my new place. Need to go to Home Depot for some supplies. I’ve got a busy work week, so I won’t have much time to deal with that stuff other than today.”
She looked at me a moment. “Well, I was hoping we could have some alone time, but if you think that would interrupt your plans…” There was a hint of spite in her voice.
I nodded, but didn’t take the bait. I couldn’t give her what she needed today. I wanted to be alone to decompress. Every muscle in my body was tight, wrought with stress. “We can catch up tomorrow,” I suggested.
She looked away, and I knew I’d messed things up. Not sure I’d be able to come back from what I’d pulled this weekend. But until I could get past all this, I couldn’t be the person Leah needed me to be anyway. All I could think about now was Blair.