Chapter 24
BLAIR
I’d dreamed of the sight before me too many times to count.
It was never my intention to keep Tate from his son. I just hadn’t been able to find the man. And even after I’d discovered who he was, I never considered not telling him about Nicholas.
I just wished there was a way for Nicholas to experience the gift of his father without causing turmoil in Taylor’s life.
Tate shouldn’t have to trade one child for another.
I’d never forgive myself if all the effort Taylor and Tate had put into their relationship was erased by this revelation.
I’d also never understand how fate could’ve allowed this to happen in the first place.
When Tate stood from where he’d been playing with Nicholas on the floor, I looked away, not wanting him to see how transfixed I’d been. The father clearly still had a hold on me, not just the son.
“Thank you for letting me spend time with him,” he said as he returned to the kitchen.
“Of course. I’d never keep you away.”
Tate drew in a breath. “I’m gonna get moving on finding a place out of town where we can meet without worrying.”
“Okay.” I let out a shaky breath.
The idea of going to meet Tate at some hideaway gave me mixed feelings. I knew this was about Nicholas, not Tate and me, but it was sometimes hard to separate my memories from the present.
Tate looked back over at Nicholas, shaking his head. “I can’t believe Taylor has babysat him and everything…”
I smiled. “Nicholas loves Uncle Taylor. Taylor has been one of the only males in his life, aside from my dad. He’s been supportive since the very beginning when I found out about the pregnancy.”
Tate closed his eyes a moment. “That’s so beautiful and so fucked up.”
“What made you come by today?” I asked.
“It was mostly Taylor not being in town. Knowing he’s coming back from his honeymoon soon really lit a fire under my ass.
But also…” He hesitated. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the wedding, even if that’s wrong.
” He sighed, looking over at Nicholas. “And now I have even more reason to be careful with you.”
Talk about a mixed message. Was he trying to tell me he still had feelings for me, or that he had no intention of crossing the line?
“The moment I realized you were Taylor’s father, I closed the door on any hope I might’ve had for us.” I scoffed. “Besides, don’t you have a girlfriend?”
Tate turned to me. “Want the truth?”
“Always.”
“Leah knows something is up with me. I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything—her or otherwise—since the wedding.
And that was before I knew about my son.
She probably thinks I’m cheating on her, since I keep canceling our plans, making excuses.
I haven’t told her anything.” He exhaled.
“But things aren’t looking good for her and me right now. ”
“Well, I’m sorry if I disrupted your life.”
He shook his head. “I would never change this outcome. If Taylor wasn’t my son and you weren’t at his wedding, I’d never have known about Nicholas.
The idea of never knowing I had another son breaks my heart.
” Torment filled his eyes. “I can’t go back and change those years when Taylor was growing up.
But Nicholas is still young enough that he won’t remember the time I wasn’t around.
” He took a moment to breathe. “That’s why Taylor’s gonna have to find out, Blair.
I can’t be Nicholas’s dad in secret. He deserves a hundred percent.
” He paused, looking pensive. “But I need to strengthen my relationship with Taylor a bit more before we throw this on him. He and I just made it to the top of a mountain after a long and arduous journey. Telling him now would be like pushing him down.”
I nodded. Nothing wrong with having a little more time before what would be the most difficult conversation of my life. “There’s nothing that matters more to me right now than protecting my friend. I know Nicholas will be fine. We’ve been fine all this time.”
Tate turned to look into my eyes. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For taking care of him when I couldn’t. For giving up your life to do so. For being the amazing mother you shouldn’t have had to be so young.”
“I might not have been ready for him, but I’m so glad he was born. This is a fucked-up situation, but it’s not his fault. He’s my greatest blessing.”
Tate’s eyes glistened. “I have so many questions about these past four years, but I’m having a hard time knowing where to start.”
I shrugged. “Well, I’m not going anywhere, if you think of them.”
Tate’s mouth curved into a slight smile.
His eyes fell to my lips, and I instinctively licked them.
God help me, despite everything, I still wanted him with every fiber of my being.
I’d longed for him every day for the past four years.
Now I didn’t think I’d ever be able to have him again—not if it meant hurting Taylor.
I couldn’t change Nicholas being Taylor’s brother, but I could choose the way I proceeded with his father.
And that meant not proceeding at all. Unfortunately, that only made me want him more.
“Should you be getting back?” I forced myself to say.
“I don’t want to go,” he muttered.
“It’s getting late,” I added. “I need to put him to bed.”
“Can I stay until you do?” he asked softly.
How can I say no? “Of course. I have to give him a bath. He won’t mind an audience.” I smiled. “He loves baths.”
Tate grinned. “He does?”
I laughed. “By the time we get done, it usually looks like I took one with him.”
He chuckled, and his eyes lingered on mine again. “So much I’ve missed. It still feels like a dream.”
With my emotions rising to the surface, I quickly switched gears, rounding up Nicholas and running his bath. I couldn’t let Tate see how much of an effect he had on me.
Tate sat atop the toilet as he watched our son play in the suds.
Our son.
It was the first time I’d referred to Nicholas as anything but my son, even just in my head.
I tried to focus on the task at hand but couldn’t help looking at Tate from time to time, catching the look of awe on his face as he watched Nicholas splash and squeal with delight.
As I knelt to lather Nicholas, I thought I sensed Tate peeking down my shirt.
Or was it my imagination? Either way, I felt my body come alive at the mere idea of his eyes on me.
I’d spent the past four years either pregnant or ignoring my own needs in order to keep another human being alive, which didn’t leave much time to feel sexy.
But Tate’s mere presence served as a reminder of what it had felt like to be desired.
Tate began a game where he’d steal some of the bath toys, hide them behind his back, then throw them back into the tub for Nicholas to catch. Nicholas giggled whether he caught them or not.
From the outside, it looked like a simple bath. But it was the beginning of a new normal I had no idea whether I was ready for. Could my heart handle what I had to do when it came to Tate? We had to find a way to be co-parents and nothing more.