Chapter “And Yet I Live” Harker
“And Yet I Live”
Harker
Though my acquaintance with Mina—which she had thankfully survived—would now come to an end, it hadn’t stopped me from thinking of her.
That first hint of her honeyed scent on the breeze almost drove me from the battlements onto the rocks below.
My feelings about her had become so entangled with the bloodlust that there was no separating them.
I craved the sound of her voice. The fragrance of her skin and hair.
The taste of her own sweet vital essence.
I could have none of these things, and if I tried, she would be lost forever to me and everyone who loved her.
I felt a twinge of sympathy for my father and his father, whose marriages I’d viewed as no better than murders.
Mina had shown me that staring down countless long decades with no companionship was a fate worse than death.
And yet I live.
The constable had entered my home yesterday evening for the second time, having come to notify me that another corpse had been discovered near the estate; I was beginning to know his smell almost as well as Mina’s.
Wherever she’d gone this morning, he had accompanied her.
On his visit here, he’d made no mention of Mina accusing me of the attack on her, so I assumed she hadn’t.
I had all but blurted out a confession before it occurred to me that the truth might sully her in the eyes of the village. It must be her decision.
As I sat down with a pot of tea, I stared across the table at her empty chair, wondering how I had so miscalculated. In my laboratory I had let her see what I truly was. I had felt how close she was to fleeing. One more small show of aggression would have sufficed.
I was too weak to do the job properly.
She had a kind heart, and my honesty, instead of making her truly afraid of me, had aroused a compassionate interest. Which had come like an offer of water to a man lost in the desert. I hadn’t the strength to refuse it.
Groaning softly, I lifted the pot to fill my cup. Cool air moved through the casement, and I froze.
She’s coming.
Stomach dropping, I set the pot down so carelessly tea sloshed from the spout. I started up from the table.
There was nothing I could do to stop her, and I couldn’t trust myself to ignore her knock. But I could at least choose the ground we met on.