Chapter 34 Home #2
I spun on my heel and took the potatoes from the stove.
I spooned them into a bowl with the fish and whisked eggs, stirring so violently the whole thing turned to mash.
Good thing I’d used a bottom crust, or it would’ve stuck like the devil.
I poured in the filling and covered it with the other crust, used a knife to cut a few slits, and then slid it into the oven, closing the door with a loud clang of iron.
When I turned, he was right behind me, and I let out a squeal. “You mustn’t do that when I come home with you,” I snapped. “You’ll stop my poor heart.”
He raised his hand and lifted my chin. “Why are you crying, Mina?”
“I’m not.” But I was. I felt the sting of salt on my cheeks. “Only I don’t like you talking about dying not an hour after we’ve gotten married.”
“I’m sorry. It was wrong of me.”
“Very.”
His eyes made tiny movements as they searched mine. “You would miss me, then?”
His thumb glided over my chin, and I felt like I’d had a bellyful of his strong wine—fiery, sharp, and heady. My knees wanted to fold, and maybe sensing this, his arms came around my waist. The fire in my belly spread to lower chambers.
I don’t want to leave anything unsaid. “More than miss you,” I said, my voice softening. “It would leave a hole in me.”
His arms tightened, pressing our bodies together, and I could feel his heavy heartbeat behind his ribs. I whispered, “Is this too much?”
He groaned and closed his eyes, but his arms stayed where they were. “Too much and not enough.”
Though it was selfish and reckless and wrong, I found myself asking, “Will you kiss me, Harker?”
He opened his eyes. My gaze dropped to his lips—and I saw the gleaming tips of his wolf teeth. His thirst was roused. I felt the slight but comforting weight of the cross against my chest.
I stood perfectly still as his hand came to my face. My heart raced as his thumb traced my bottom lip. My lips opened to his touch, and I gasped quietly as the tip of his thumb grazed my tongue.
With another groan, one that sounded more like a growl, he let go of me and took a step back.
“Forgive me,” I breathed, bracing myself with a hand against the edge of the worktable. “I shouldn’t have asked you.”
His smile was grim. “You are a bride, and you have every right. Please understand how it pains me not to do as you wish. Especially when I wish it, too.”
I shook as I turned and set the teakettle on the stove. I kept my back to him, trying to slow my heart and still the pulse of my desire. I heard him scoot out one of the dining chairs and sit. In the loud silence, I waited for the water to boil, and then I filled the teapot.
Finally, sinking down across from him, I realized how weary I was.
Between the moments of roused feeling, the fatigue of the long and eventful day set in.
In truth, I was tired enough to forgo supper for bed.
But I had held out hope Jack would come home.
It wouldn’t be like him to spend a night out of doors, especially in October. I worried he wasn’t in his right mind.
Guessing my thoughts, Harker said, “Why don’t we brave Jack’s anger and stay here tonight? I’ll watch for him while you sleep. I think for tonight, until I can make some changes at home, you’ll be more comfortable here anyway.”
I met his gaze. “It’s kind of you, Harker. Though I fear he won’t come.”
“Then we’ll ask after him when we go to the village tomorrow morning.”
Nodding, I said, “We can try the tavern. That’s where he mostly is when he’s not at the mine.” Yet this time I doubted he was off drowning in a bottle. I’d never seen him so shaken. Not even when Da and Mum died.
“His drinking is hard on you, isn’t it?”
I took a breath, letting it out in a sigh. “It’s changed him. And I hardly see him now, since he really only comes home to eat and sleep. But I guess it helps him forget.”
“It probably feels a little like he’s abandoned you.”
“It feels a lot like that, usually. At the same time, I think about how maybe he could have had a different life if he hadn’t stayed to take care of me.
I was lucky to have The Magpie. The work eased my loneliness and brought me some joy.
” Shrugging, I said, “I shouldn’t talk so much of loneliness when you’ve been truly alone for most of your life. ”
He frowned. “I probably understand it better than most, and I do envy you your family. Especially Jack. I always wished for a sibling. I think it’s unnatural for any creature to be so alone.
I suppose it’s not surprising that my forefathers all eventually married, even if it was the last thing they intended. ”
Something occurred to me then. “Have you wondered whether Goosevar might have been involved with that?”
“How do you mean?”
“Well, just that as they got older and the bloodlust lessened, maybe Goosevar gave them visions, too. Even if they didn’t understand where they were coming from, the visions may have had an effect. We still don’t fully understand his connection to your family.”
Not liking the way this felt knocking around in my heart, I tilted my teacup. A single damp leaf—looking like nothing more than that—had stuck to the bottom.
“Mina.” Glancing up, I found his eyes fixed on me. “Goosevar may have manipulated us into marrying, but what I feel for you has nothing to do with him. What I feel for you has nothing to do with the bloodlust.”
I stared, heart thumping wildly. I swallowed, though my mouth had gone dry. “But he chose me for you, Harker. You said it yourself—I was only the second woman to have set foot on the estate since you were a boy.”
He grimaced. “I did say that. And it was cruel of me.”
“I prefer your honesty,” I replied, though my voice broke. “Rank, education, upbringing . . . we are mismatched in every way. Goosevar pushed you to marry me for his own reasons. Then I pushed you to marry me for mine.”
A muscle worked in his jaw, but I kept going. “If we somehow manage to free ourselves from him, I will hold you to no vow. I will always have a home here with Jack. He blusters, but I know he’d never turn me out.”
There was a blur of movement, and a slight shiver in the air that I realized always came with Harker’s vampire quickness.
I found myself suddenly up out of my chair and folded in his arms.