Chapter 9 Rose
I’m settled in for a cozy night next to my fireplace with a cup of tea and my new book. And Wilfred is happily bouncing around on his perch, clearly begging to be let out. “I’m sorry about your trauma today, sweetie. That mean woman won’t be back again, I promise.”
He squawks in appreciation and fluffs his white feathers as I scratch under his chin.
Grabbing some warm, fuzzy blankets, and lighting a candle, I sink into my soft, gray couch, and I flip open my book to the first page, ready to dive in, but my mind is blank . Well, not blank , but stuck. On him . It was only a short run-in today. And I expected to see him eventually, now that he’s back in Raspberry Falls, but after not seeing him for years, it felt surprisingly emotional, and I’m disappointed because I thought I was in a better place with everything that had happened. I didn’t expect it to bring up so many memories of my dad either.
And why did he have to be with that woman?
Exasperated, I sigh and toss the blankets off, sending Wilfred into a tizzy. “Sorry Wilfred.” Even though I saw him for such a short time, I still can’t get him out of my head. His smokey dark eyes and hair, his humor, and his kindness. And what’s worse is he can still make my heart race with just his damn smile. I throw the book down next. Ugh. I need to try something else.
Tonight was supposed to be my one relaxing evening of the week. I have night shifts at the shop the next few days, am prepping for the Spring Sprouts event with Kate, and have a trip next week into Duluth to grab some supplies. It’s a busy week and I need to relax. This is my chance.
I unroll my yoga mat, settle down on its softly pebbled surface—determined to find some peace—and start focusing on my breathing. In and out . . . In and out . . . He was only my first high school boyfriend, why is this happening? And why didn’t he stay in touch after he left? If he stayed in touch with Erick, whatever he was going through must not have been so horrible that he “couldn’t talk to anyone.”
Why do I care? It doesn’t make sense how upset I still feel about something that happened so long ago. But, Wes Stevenson . . .
I know he said he didn’t want to talk about it, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to move on without hearing what happened. Why does he seem to have this power over me, even now? I know he must have been going through something, but why wouldn’t he have at least called, or sent a letter, or message, or something. Especially when he was clearly still talking to Erick. You’re thinking in circles, Rose. I’ll bring it up with him the next time I see him. I have to know. Maybe then I’ll be able to move on and not be so affected by seeing him in town.
Is this a bad idea? Talking with him again? Before I can think too deeply on the terrible choices I’m making, my phone beeping startles me back to reality. I look down—it’s my mom. “Hi, Mom. What’s going on?”
“Hi, sweetie. I just wanted to call and check in, see how things are going for you. I know that Lucy was gone for a couple days.” I can hear the concern in her soft voice, but also know she has to be calling to see if I’ve heard about or seen Wes yet. While my mom isn’t nearly as bad as Mabel, she has her finger on the pulse of the town and has to already know that Wes is back. She also vividly remembers what a hard time I had afterwards, and then grieving my dad on top of it all . . . She held my hand through many panic attacks, took me to my therapy appointments, even did some sessions with me, and encouraged me while we tried different meds to help me feel myself again.
“It was hard with her gone, but it’s got me thinking about hiring someone who could be part time and jump in when she’s away, or if I need some time off. Might be good for business, too. Get a fresh face in there.” Mom is never super interested in the business side of my life, she prefers to hear about how I’m doing emotionally, so I don’t keep her waiting too long. “You know, Mom, you’ll never believe who stopped in the shop today.” I wait for her reaction. I have to tease her on this for a little while longer and draw it out.
“I don’t know, who stopped by?” She’s making this tough. I hear her let out a little sigh of anticipation. She clearly already knows.
“Wes.”
Her breath hitches on the other end of the line.
“How did that go . . . ? Seeing him again?”
“It was hard. I’d heard some other people in the shop talking about him being back, so I figured I’d probably see him sooner or later, but I still didn’t feel ready for it. He’s just the same as I remember though, it was weird. I mean, I know that he’s grown up and all that, but something just still felt comfortable and familiar about him . . .” I trail off, caught up in my thoughts of him and all the feelings that are intertwined. My mom pauses, I’m sure thinking of how to respond.
“I bet that was tough. Do you need anything? At least now you have it over with and you don’t have to be friends with him. I can come over if you want me to?”
“I know, Mom. I’m okay, but I’ll let you know.” Friends? Who is thinking about being friends?
“Are you sure you’re okay?” The worry bleeds through, even over the phone.
“I will be okay, we’re both adults and not kids anymore. I appreciate your concern, but I can handle this.” I think. If handling it is just praying to never run into him in this small town, after finding out why he didn’t call. I make a mental note to update the girls on how things went today, and that I’d like to not see him, at least until I figure out why I’ve been panicking again. Which might be hard now that he lives with Erick.
“I know, sweetie. I’m sorry. I just blink and you’re back to being that teenager again, holed up in your room, going through it all, and I just worry about you. I love you very much and I’m here if you need anything, or want to talk about it.”
“Thanks. I love you too, Mom.”
We hang up and I suddenly feel a little freer after talking through things with her—ready to do my yoga and read my book. Let’s see if we can keep this going through a couple more down dogs, eh? But before I can get in position, my phone rings again. This time, it’s Elle.
“Hi, hun!” I say excitedly into the phone, a little out of breath. Elle and I both love adventures and usually if she’s calling, I can guess she has another one in mind for us to go on.
“Hey! I want to go kayaking Friday, in the morning. Do you have to be at the shop? Or can you come along?” Her voice is deeper, quiet, and I can hear music in the background. She must be at one of her shows, or at a new club.
“I was actually planning on taking the middle of the day off already since I’m working that night. Lucy will be there and can cover the midday lull on her own, no problem. I’ll double check with her, but I think it should be fine. Count me in!”
“Perfect! I’ll text you the details and I’ll see you then!”
We hang up and I do a little dance on the couch. Wilfred squawks in response. What a difference talking to my mom and having an adventure to look forward to can make in my mood and focus. I just need to shake this Wes thing off and move on. Besides, I have much bigger things going on in my life to worry about. Even if he’s the most gorgeous guy I’ve seen in all of Bend County . . .