Chapter 15 Rose
I’m worried I just woke up from a dream. Wes and I, kissing? Fooling around? In the woods . . . This was everything I imagined my mom and friends were worried about for me, and at this moment, I don’t care. I decided to go for something that didn’t completely make sense and I loved that. Is this confusing? Yes. Most definitely. Will we figure it out? I’m not sure yet.
After our granola bars are eaten, we huddle close together to try and stay out of the rain’s onslaught. Wes reaches up, trying to make a makeshift lean to with our blanket and the tree branch. The rain drizzles down, carving lines down his body. Even though we’re wet and cold, I feel myself warm at the sight of his chiseled abs as his shirt grazes up with his reach. I guess working the physical job of a ranger has some perks.
“I’m sorry about earlier, I shouldn’t have done that when I’m still feeling so confused.” God, what was I thinking. I laugh despite the awkwardness of this situation and hear his warm smile in his soft laughter too. Wrapping his arms around me, he brings me in for a kiss to my forehead.
“Rose, we’ve been through a lot—you, more than either of us. It’s totally understandable to be confused and unsure. And we need to work through whatever I’m bringing up for you. I won’t say that I don’t feel a spark with you still, I do. But I want to figure out what that would look like for us, as we are now.”
I glance up into his eyes. “I think I need to do that as friends. At least for now.” I push myself deeper into the nook of the tree, trying to stay dry, wiping the rain from my eyes.
He unlinks his hand from mine and I stare at my feet, searching for the right words before continuing.
“I’m not sure what to say, Wes. I don’t know what this looks like as adults. Do we even still work together?”
Am I able to talk to you without thinking of my dad and everything else that happened that year?
“I think we’ve found at least one way in which we work.” That smile again. I could die from his smiles.
“I appreciated what you said about what happened, and where you were emotionally when you left, but I still need to find a balance with my anxiety. I feel okay right now, but that hasn’t been the case other times when I’ve seen you the past week. I can’t go into panic mode from a memory because our hands touch.”
“What is it bringing up?”
At this my eyes fill with tears again and he brings my hands to his chest, kissing the tops of my knuckles.
“My dad died a few months after you left. The two most important men in my life were just gone and it all feels intertwined. My mom is wonderful and did all she could, but it was a terrible time for me too. Besides, we’re so much older and we’ve both changed, what makes you think that we could ever work again?” His concern is etched in the lines of his forehead and he moves closer to me so that our arms are next to one another.
“That makes sense that they would feel connected. I didn’t think of that. And we can take all the time you need to talk, and if at the end of it you want to move on like this didn’t happen, that’s okay.” His eyes level me with a stare so intense that I can’t help but look away.
“Thank you.”
At that he gives me a squeeze around the shoulders and I can’t help the way my body leans into his.
The rain slows and I decide I need a little space. Getting up, I look down at him. He’s gorgeous with his wind and rain blown hair, and his cheeks are pink from our emotional talk. “What do we tell the others?”
“Whatever you want to tell them,” he says. I bite my lip and glance down at my hands. He’s been back a little over a week and I’ve already kissed him? I smile, wondering what my fifteen year old self would have thought about all this.
“What’s so funny?” he says, the corners of his perfect lips curling up slightly.
“Oh, just thinking about how crazy this all is.” I start to assess my clothing situation and notice I have a rip in my leggings. Everything else seems to be in order, just very, very wet. I tug at the blanket but Wes pulls me down gently by my wrist, drawing me into a hug that takes my breath away.
Okay, maybe I didn’t need so much space . . .
“It is crazy, but I’m here Rose. And I don’t know everything that’s happening between us, but I’m here for it all,” he whispers against my forehead, his rich eyes staring into my own in a way that makes me feel completely seen.
“We should probably get back.”
I can see a flash of question on his face—disappointment. But he begrudgingly gets up and starts to follow me back to the kayaks.
Meanwhile, my mind is completely reeling.