Chapter 18 #2
But my body screams for them, demands we let them take us.
Burying my face into my arms, I sob in frustration and confusion. What do I do?
I don’t fucking know what to do. I hate feeling weak, feeling helpless. Why do I have to be so broken?!
“Beckham!” Alaric shouts. “Beckham, baby, are you here?”
My eyes snap over to the door and whimper. Fuck.
“He’s got to be here. His car is out front,” Tatum says.
The sounds of their footsteps getting close causes my heart to go out of whack.
It’s okay. They’re your alphas. They’re not like Ralph. They have shown you more than once they’re different. They respect you. Would never force you to do something you don’t want to do.
Closing my eyes, I try to focus on my breathing.
“There you are.” Jamie’s soft voice has my eyes popping open. The three of them stand a few feet away, brows furrowed as they take in the scene before them.
“Fuck.” Tatum groans. “He’s in heat.” He goes to take a step towards me, but I flinch back.
Alaric sticks his arm out, stopping Tatum. “Wait.”
“Is he okay?” Jamie asks, brows furrowed with concern. “Fuck, he smells so good,” he whispers.
“Shut up.” Alaric hisses. “Can’t you see you’re scaring him?”
“Fuck.” Jamie’s eyes widen.
My eyes bounce between the three of them, probably looking like a cornered animal to them right now.
Alaric crouches down, keeping his distance. “Hey, baby. Are you going into heat?”
I lick my lips, my heart pounding in my chest. I manage to get a nod out. It’s been a long time since I felt so out of control, so out of reality. I don’t feel like me. I feel vulnerable and needy. All I want is my alphas to come cuddle me, kiss me, fuck me. I want them so bad.
Yet, I sit here frozen in fear, terrified because of my past.
“It’s going to be okay. Has it been awhile since you’ve had a heat?” he asks.
I nod again.
“What do you normally do for your heats? We can do our best to make it how you’re used to,” Tatum says, crouching down like Alaric.
A little sob slips free. I can tell my scent is driving them crazy, that they want me just as much as I want them based on the alpha pheromones that have me begging to give in.
But they’re not coming near me, keeping a distance, respecting my boundaries. Proving I have nothing to fear.
When Jamie does the same as the other two, the three of them sit on the floor and wait for me to talk.
I can do this. I can do this.
“I’ve always done my heats alone,” I manage to whisper out.
“You’ve never had alphas to help you through your heat?” Alaric asks.
“No.” I shake my head, swallowing hard.
“Why not?” Jamie asks softly.
“I’ve never trusted them.” My eyes drop, unable to look at them in the eye.
“Why?” Tatum asks.
“Because the idea of being so out of reality, not in control of my mind and body, only the frenzy of being fucked and knotted scares me. I don’t like being vulnerable with people I don’t know or trust. I don’t like giving someone the potential to have the upper hand and take advantage of me.”
The three of them look at one another, then back to me. “Do you mean Ralph?”
My eyes widen, breath knocked clean out of my lungs. They know? How the hell do they know?
“W-what do you mean?” I rush out.
“After the night of your father’s party, we went to our dads because we all had the same off-feeling about him,” Tatum says.
“They showed us photos that had been taken years ago, back when you were around our age. Beckham, it looked like he was beating you. You looked terrified. Did Ralph use to beat you?”
My eyes well with tears. Closing my eyes, they fall as I nod my head.
“That motherfucker!” Alaric growls.
“Is that why you’re afraid? You think we’re going to hit you too?”
“No,” I croak out, huffing out a humourless laugh. “I don’t think you three would ever lay a hand on me like that.”
“Then what, baby? Why do you look at us like we’re going to hurt you?” Alaric asks, his voice calm and oddly soothing.
I swallow the lump in my throat, the words stuck on my tongue but I push forward.
“Yes, he used to hit me. He thought he was shaping me into a better man because I refused to do what my father asked when it came to the family business. He said I was a weak, sorry excuse for a future leader of the mafia and I needed to be dealt with.” Shifting, I lower my arms from my legs and use my hands to pick at the blankets under me.
“I didn’t care about the beatings. I would have taken them any day over… ” I look down, squeezing my eyes shut.
“Over what?” Jamie pushes.
“Over what he started doing after I turned twenty-one,” I whisper. “After I started having heats.”
The room goes silent and my mind goes crazy wondering what they’re thinking.
“What did that motherfucking bastard do to you Beckham?”
I can tell Alaric is struggling to keep calm. I can’t let him lose it, not right now. After, sure but right now I need him.
“Promise me you won’t leave,” I beg him.
“If I tell you, stay here with me because I need you.” I rasp, body trembling.
“I can’t do this without you.” And I can’t.
They’re my scent matches. I know if I don’t have them with me during this heat, I’ll feel like I’m going to die. I don’t want to feel that kind of pain.
Alaric’s nostrils flare, but he nods his head. “I promise I won’t go anywhere, okay?”
“Okay.” I nod, licking my dry lips and taking a deep breath. I don’t want to go into details, I think I’ve blocked out most of them anyway due to trauma but I want them to know enough to understand why I’m so damn afraid to just breathe since coming back.
“When my first heat started, I was planning on doing it alone. I bought everything I needed. All the toys, food stashed away in my room, I thought I knew what I was doing.” I laugh with no humor as I shake my head.
“I was stupid and foolish to think that Ralph's abuse would just be physical. All it took was for that monster to smell my slick, and he showed me just how truly evil he is.” I grab a nearby pillow and run my hand over the soft material, not caring that I just messed up my nest.
“My dad was on a work trip, and Ralph was supposed to stay behind and handle things at home. Instead, he dragged me out of the main house and into one of the guest houses on the property. He kept me locked in there with him for days.” I chew on the inside of my cheek until the taste of copper coats my tongue.
“At first, I begged him to stop, to not do it. I didn’t want him.
Even though he was an alpha and I was an omega, I didn’t want him.
Never in that way, never like that. I hated that man more than anything in the world.
But he didn’t listen. As my heat got worse, I lost myself to the frenzy.
I was stripped down of any humanity, and down to nothing but primal omega urges.
” I look away. “At that point I didn’t care who was fucking me, as long as I was fucked, knotted, and came. ”
I can feel their emotions in the air, their rage, their pain for me, their need to make it all better.
It nearly breaks me.
“You said no. You didn’t want it. Do not think for a moment that because you stopped fighting that you deserved any of it.” Jamie’s voice is filled with emotion.
“We would never do that to you,” Alaric chokes out. “We would never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do. Never hurt you. Never take advantage of you.”
“If you told us that you wanted to do this alone, we would respect that. We’d stay, we’d help, we’d do everything we could to make you feel good without touching you,” Tatum says. “This is your body, your heat, your choice. You are the one in charge. Not us. Never us.”
I’m crying now, and I feel so fucking stupid because of it. I’m a grown ass fucking man, these men are over ten years younger than me, yet I’ve never felt so small, so fragile.
I need them more than I need my next breath. They’re fucking perfect, so amazing. I don’t deserve them. But I’ll never let them go. They’re mine. Now and forever.
“I need you,” I sob out. “I need you so fucking badly it hurts. I trust you. Fuck, I’ve never trusted anyone more in my life then I trust you three. Just please don’t hurt me.”
“Never.” Alaric growls.
I reach a hand out and he takes it. I pull him towards me and he crashes into me, my arms wrapping around him as I hold him to me like he’s my lifeline, the other two joining us, their bodies pressed to ours, giving me their strength.
I cry for the boy I never got to be. The omega who was forced to hide and run. The man who gave up so much because he felt like he had nothing to give.
When I’m done crying and my body starts to feel the familiar warmth again, I know I’m going to start to drift deeper into my heat.
“Before I’m no longer lucid,” I say, sniffing as I pull away. “If I ask you to bite me, would you?”
“During your heat?” Tatum asks and I nod my head.
“Would you do it if I said you could? If I gave you permission right now to bite me if I beg for it, would you?”
“In a fucking heartbeat, baby. You’re ours Beckham. Have been since the moment we laid eyes on you, even before we found out we were scent matches. No hesitation. But only if you wanted it.”
“I do,” I whisper. “I really do. You’re mine. My alphas, my pack. My life. I can’t imagine a future without the three of you. I’m all in. I want this. It might not look like every other pack, but it’s ours. And it’s perfect for us. You’re perfect for me.”
“You want our marks, baby?” Alaric says, brushing his thumb against my neck. “They’re all yours. But, you have to bite us too.” He gives a cheeky little smile. “The world might not know who claimed us for a little while, but we will. And we will wear them like a badge of honor."
I laugh, eyes brimming with tears before I groan, a mild but uncomfortable cramp jolting through my stomach.
“Then I give you permission. Bite me when I beg you, because I will. Make me yours forever. Now please, someone make me cum.”