Chapter 10 #3
Shame immediately washes over me. I didn’t intentionally set out tonight, hoping to corner Summer in a public bathroom and have my way with her.
I had actually hoped she would go somewhere else tonight, like a club, even though the idea of her dancing with some other fucker makes me grit my teeth. “Look… Summer—”
She holds up her hand, stopping me. “Is this where you ignore me for another few weeks?”
“What?” I ask, startled.
“After the elevator incident, you ignored me until tonight.”
Embarrassment heats my cheeks. “I shouldn’t have kissed you in the elevator, and I definitely should not have followed you in here and done…
all of that.” I gesture toward the door we had been pressed against. The words taste like ash on my tongue.
Though I know they’re the right thing to say, I wouldn’t take back my actions and am immediately disgusted with myself.
I have zero self-control.
“And yet, you did,” she points out.
“Both of us should be pursuing more appropriate people, not… doing whatever this is,” I say it because it’s the responsible thing to say, not because I mean it.
I want to mean it. I want to be a good man, a man who in any other circumstance would deserve someone like Summer, but clearly, that’s not who I am.
I can tell as soon as the words leave my lips that I’ve hurt her. She tries to school her face into an expression of indifference before stating, “Well, just a friendly reminder, Professor,” she spits the word at me. “You’re the only one who keeps starting up whatever this is.”
She breezes past me and out the door, leaving me standing there, alone, and feeling guilty as hell.
She’s right. I have been the one to initiate both of these completely unethical encounters. Does she even want to partake in them? Based on her reactions, I’d say she does, but given the unfair power dynamic, I can’t be sure.
The high of being with Summer has completely worn off, and now I just feel like garbage.
The idea of Summer going back to the table where Matt is waiting for her makes me livid. I have no claim to her, but I wish I did.
At the thought of Matt, I am reminded that I left Nikki sitting all alone, and I have no idea how long I’ve been in the restroom for. “Fuck,” I groan.
I’ve treated everyone poorly tonight. At the very least, I’m leaving Dave a huge tip.
I adjust myself before leaving the bathroom and making my way back to Nikki, surprised she’s still here since I’ve clearly been the worst date ever. I sit down beside her, feeling defeated. I can’t believe I just said all that to Summer. I can’t believe I did all that to Summer.
I glance over and see her hugging Sam and another guy goodbye, with Matt standing behind her, holding what I assume is her jacket.
I feel sick.
She’s actually leaving with him. I thought it was just an empty threat.
She’s going to go home with him after I just made her climax in the bar’s bathroom.
Nikki asks if I’m feeling okay, and I assure her that I am, though my gaze never leaves Summer as I watch her walk out the door, held open by Matt. I clench my hands into fists and grit my teeth.
That should be me. I should be ushering Summer out of here.
I should be the one eager to get her back to my place so that we could finish what we started.
I find myself cursing the day I decided to be a professor.
I curse accepting a job at this university.
I curse Summer for needing my class to graduate.
And I curse my blatant lack of self-control.
Knowing that I’d have to face both Summer and Matt in class on Monday makes the alcohol in my gut roil with disgust. Will he start sitting next to her every day?
Will they waltz into class holding hands?
Kiss each other while working on their midterm presentation?
Will he leave hickeys along her neck that I’ll be forced to look at whenever she’s around?
Nikki pulls my attention back to her. “Sorry,” I say, shaking my head, trying to remove the image of Summer leaving with Matt from my mind. “What was that?”
“I was asking if you wanted to get out of here?” She lets her fingers drift lightly over my arm. “We can go back to my place?”
I look at Nikki. Really look at her. She’s beautiful, there’s no denying that, and I’m left feeling unsatisfied from the experience in the bathroom.
But I’m already guilt-ridden over everything with Summer, how I’d treated her after I had kissed her in the elevator.
How I followed her into the bathroom and then told her what a big mistake it was.
She must think I’m a huge asshole, and rightly so.
If I took Nikki up on her offer, it wouldn’t be her I was thinking of, and that’s not fair to her.
“I think I’m going to just head home for the night,” I say weakly, knowing how this all must make her feel. “I’m just exhausted from a rough week at work.”
She nods and gives me a sweet smile. “That’s okay, I had a good time tonight. Maybe some other time.”
I walk Nikki out the door and can’t help but look in the direction of Summer’s apartment, wondering if she took Matt there.
God, I’m so fucked.