24. Annalise
24
ANNALISE
I woke up when the sound of the wind breaking through the opened window filled the room, making the temperature cooler than I could endure. I stood up from the bed, moving my feet to the window to close it.
I scratched my forehead, then yawned and put my hands on my chest as I looked around me.
I missed being here again, in the place I used to call my safe place. It was my room since I was little and every moment of my life happened here. And now I couldn’t explain to myself why I didn’t feel good here anymore.
I blamed it on the truth that came to the surface. I couldn’t find my place anywhere I went, only when I was with Maksen.
He could make every place feel like home because he was the only one with whom I felt safe.
I sighed deeply, then I brushed my face with my palms and moved my feet to the bathroom. I spent several minutes under the hot water of the shower, and then I cleaned my face and moisturized it with my favorite products.
That’s what I truly missed.
I blow-dried my hair in large round curls that fell on my back, and as soon as I caught a little glimpse of my naked body in the mirror, I noticed how skinny I became.
All the stress, memories, and lack of food left its mark on me and I didn’t like it, so today I was going to take care of myself, eat good meals, and maybe take a run in the forest. I needed time for myself.
I took some comfortable clothes from the dresser, then I gave myself a smile and stepped out of the room. I made my way to the kitchen where I was going to have the breakfast Olivia had probably prepared for me. The smell of something sweet invaded my senses and I knew she might’ve prepared the fluffy pancakes I loved.
Today, besides taking care of myself and saying sorry to my body for how I behaved, I needed to have a serious talk with Olivia. I wasn’t going to hide my thoughts and feelings anymore. She just had to face the truth, even if the truth meant she had to finally claim Maksen as her son.
Once I took the first step inside the kitchen, she turned on her heels and her eyes were filled with salty tears. They were dazzling under the light of the bulb above us, and once I got closer to her, she couldn’t refrain from taking me into her arms.
She sobbed on my shoulder as I put my hands around her, and even though I was mad at her for keeping the truth hidden from me, her hug felt liberating.
“My dearest Annalise,” she whispered, then she moved away from me and put her hands on each side of my face, looking at me.
I smiled hearing her words, and then I smiled even wider when she kissed my forehead in the way only she could. I had to hear her part of the story to come to peace with everything I found out. I was hoping for her to open her soul to me and tell me everything she went through. Maybe I could’ve understood her better if I knew her side of the story.
“I was so worried for you. I wanted to come and wake you up just to see that it’s real, that you really came back home.”
“I was going to come back home, but I just needed time to process everything.”
She looked at me intently and I felt how upset she was even though it wasn’t her fault for anything that happened.
I realized that it wasn’t her duty to tell me the truth. My alleged father didn’t have the courage to tell me the truth, so why did I have demands from the woman who only took care of me and wasn’t related to me with anything?
“Finally! You woke up!”
Katya’s voice hit me once she entered the kitchen and I knew I had to postpone the conversation I wanted to have with Olivia. Without another word, she came behind me and put her hands around me, hugging me once again and shocking me as much as she did yesterday.
“Let’s have breakfast outside. I’ll bring some blankets for us,” she said and as soon as I turned on my heels to look at her, she instantly vanished, leaving the sound of her quick steps behind.
Olivia and I looked at each other, and I let out a giggle seeing how shocked she was too.
“What happened to her?”
“I would also like to know,” I answered, taking two plates out of the cabinet.
Olivia gave both of us some pancakes with maple syrup and blueberries, then made sure to also pour two big glasses of water.
She took the plates and went out to the terrace, putting them on the table. She smiled when she turned around and saw Katya holding two fluffy white blankets. Katya gave me one of them, then smiled at me and went right to the terrace. Before following her, I grabbed both of our glasses of water and made my way outside.
Once I made myself comfortable on the wooden chair, I hugged my knees to my chest as Katya closed the door. She seemed like she didn’t want anyone to hear our talk. But what did she have in mind if she wanted so much privacy?
“You know that I usually talk a lot and that I’m rude to you, but I want to start by telling you that I’m sincerely sorry for all these years when I showed you how immature I am,” she started talking, almost forgetting to breathe. “I was just so angry with you, jealous, and I just couldn’t control myself.”
“Jealous?”
I was shocked by everything I heard her saying and I could only look at her carefully, trying to discover what was hidden behind her words.
“Yes,” she replied, letting her gaze fall somewhere on the ground. “You’ve always had dad’s love and protection while I haven’t had any of that.”
“Love?” I burst, feeling how my lips stretched into a broken smile. “What he had done to me couldn’t ever be called love, Katya. He kept me in a cage, and now that I’ve faced the cruel reality of life, I don’t know if I could ever live beyond the cage’s bars.”
“He kept you like this because he loved you more than he ever loved anyone. He wanted to protect you, to not let you be touched by any evil in this world, although it seems he failed to do so.”
“He failed miserably, but why are you telling me all of this, Katya? I sincerely can’t trust that what you’re telling me is true.”
She sighed, then eyed me and a flicker of sadness showed into her irises.
Her red hair was shining in the cold light of the outside, and her green irises were downright gorgeous. I didn’t even know why I never asked myself before why I didn’t find any resemblance between me and her.
I had long, blonde hair, pale skin, green eyes, and pouty lips. She was a redhead, with freckles and thin lips and a body sculpted as if she was a Greek goddess while I had skinny thighs, a tiny waist, and a flat tummy.
We were so different; I didn’t even understand why I ever thought we were sisters.
“I’m sorry, Anna,” she said in a lower tone of voice. “I’m truly sorry for all these years, really, and the reason why I’m having this talk with you now is because we need to work together in order to be happy.”
“What do you mean?” I said, frowning at her and bringing the plate to my lap.
I totally forgot about the pancakes, so I had to take at least one bite from it as we continued to have the conversation.
Katya checked the surroundings and looked carefully everywhere. She checked her pockets and sighed when she saw that she hadn’t had her phone on her.
“If you want to be happy with Maksen, then you have to play by Dad’s rules. If I want to be happy with Laura, then I have to play by Maksen’s rules. There’s no way in between.”
Did she just come out to me?
“I don’t want to play by anyone’s rules. I want the truth and the chance to live the life that I want.”
“Do you love Maksen?” she whispered, pinning me with her eyes.
I completely froze hearing her words and as soon as I looked her in the eyes, I felt the answer emerging inside of me. I hadn’t been put in the situation to speak my feelings out until then, yet there was Katya easily making me say what my heart felt.
“Y-Yes,” my answer came out more as a trembling whisper.
My heart began beating faster than ever.
The blood was boiling inside my veins and my soul was at peace with my own mind. It felt liberating to admit that I loved him. It felt like my soul had waited for this moment to come so it could truly live life.
I loved him.
I loved Maksen. I truly did, and as it hit me, I felt the tears traveling down my face.
“Then you have to play by his rules for now. Listen to him, do whatever he wants, and we’ll make it through it together,” she mumbled, starting to chew her lower lip. “I just have to figure out how to get you out of here.”
“Out of here? What do you mean, Katya? Tell me directly what you want to say because I don’t have time for any more lies.”
She sighed, pinning me with her eyes and coming a little closer.
“You’ll see exactly what I mean, just not now. Enjoy your breakfast and your day until dad comes back home tomorrow.”
She stood up from the chair, leaving me there speechless and without any chance to ask her further questions. I turned around to look after her, but she ran off from the kitchen.
That was the most confusing conversation I had with her, but also the most true and sincere one. I felt as if she was trying to get closer to me and even be nice to me for the first time in her life.
Was she really going to help me or was she just trying to hide her evil plan by making me believe she’s a good person?
My life started running by me and I’m left behind, trying to figure out how to run the same speed. That’s exactly how I felt.
I took a deep breath to calm myself down, then I took the fork from the table and started enjoying the pancakes. My mind couldn’t concentrate on the entire process of eating.
I was eating my feelings out now that Katya managed to trigger even more questions inside of my mind. I let my gaze fall somewhere in the courtyard, then I rose it up to the sky.
The birds were flying just like I wanted to fly at that moment, but I didn’t have the pair of wings I’ve always dreamt of.
At least, the only good thing that happened was that Lukyan was letting me apply to university which was one of my biggest dreams. After finishing the breakfast, I’ll go back to my room and bury between the pages of the admissions’ books. I was hoping I could do that considering what a mess I was.
I was chewing slowly, savoring the blueberries and the maple syrup until the door behind me opened and I saw Olivia taking a seat in front of me. She looked at Katya’s plate and smiled softly.
“I knew she wouldn’t eat that. She just wanted a reason to talk to you.”
I laughed hearing her words, then I nodded, instantly remembering that Katya hated pancakes since she was a child. Olivia always used to prepare these for me and Maksen, but for Katya, she always cooked something else.
“I forgot how much she hated them. I should’ve figured it out,” I replied, looking at her as I took another bite.
She just kept a smile on her face, looking at me with warmth. I gulped, feeling my heart starting to beat faster as I knew the moment of truth was close, and as I was trying to hide my nervousness, I put the plate on the table and sighed deeply.
“I know the truth, Olivia,” I quickly said, pinning her with my eyes and trying to figure out what she had in mind.
But she didn’t sketch a thing on her face which made me realize that she wasn’t even considering I could know the truth.
“I know, darling, and I’m sorry that you had to find out like that. I know it must’ve been so hard for you, and I truly wish I could’ve told you and taken away a bit from the pain you felt in that moment,” she replied, putting her elbows on her knees and caressing my hands.
That was the moment. I inhaled deeply in my lungs once again and looked at her in a way I didn’t ever do.
“No, I was not referring to that,” I said, pausing. “I know that Maksen is your son,” I added, and her face became instantly pale.
Her lips parted and her chest was rising up at such a fast pace that scared me, she was on the verge of having a panic attack.
She gulped, putting her hands on her chest and trying to breathe normally while the tears were rolling down her plump cheeks. She looked like she just lost her vitality.
“H-How did you find out?”
“That’s really not what matters now,” I quickly replied. “Why haven’t you told me? Why haven’t you claimed him, Olivia? I’ve always thought that you would’ve been such a great mom if you only had a chance to have your own family, but now I don’t think that anymore. You had your son with you, so close to you all these years, and you haven’t done anything.”
“I can’t tell you, Miss Annalise. I can’t tell you a thing. I can’t. I can’t.”
She spoke so fast that I only realized she vanished when I stood up from the chair and turned on my heels to look after her. Why the fuck was everyone running away from me whenever I asked them questions or forced them to be honest for the first time in their life?
The anger was burning inside of me so I took the plates and entered the house, my glance falling on Olivia who already started washing up the dishes.
“Olivia, I…”
“Don’t!” She briefly interrupted me without even looking at me. “I can’t. Understand that or I will have you to go to your room, Miss Annalise.”
I put the plates on the kitchen’s island and without saying anything else, I left the kitchen angrier than ever.
She had the opportunity to talk to someone who could understand her and not only that, but who could also help her tell Maksen the truth. She had the chance to finally build a connection with her own son. However, she refused it vehemently.
As I was making my way back to the stairs, I heard the sound of the front door smacking and I stopped in the hallway, turning my head to find the source. I furrowed my brows as I saw Lydia stomping on the floor, with her eyes full of tears and her skin covered in a blood-like color.
“What have you done, you idiot? Do you want to kill me, huh? You’re just like your fucking father, aren’t you?”
My eyes instantly widened and confusion grabbed me in its cold claws. I didn’t know what to do or how to react because I had never seen Lydia like that before. It was the first time I saw her desperate, nervous, and ready to kill anyone in sight.
“W-What?”
She grabbed me by my arms with such force she pushed me into the wall behind me, getting closer to my face.
“I believed you when you said that you wanted to heal your inner child, but that didn’t mean to let Sylvian out from the sanatorium,” she spit into my face, her voice trembling with pure anger and fear.
What?
“I haven’t gotten him out of there! What are you talking about?”
“He called me and he told me to look out the window, and do you know what I saw? I saw him as he was smirking at me, you little bitch! And then he was gone! He’s fucking free! You fucking destroyed everything!”
I started crying.
And I felt my heart shattering into tiny little pieces. Once again.
I’ve destroyed other lives to fix mine, but apparently, I only managed to destroy mine even more.