Chapter 20
CECE
N one of my professors were as hot or as confusing as Grady Stone, which was honestly a mercy. I couldn’t survive another minute of distracted, forbidden, toe-curling tension today. I was barely hanging on as it was.
I had a mountain of reading, an essay due in two days, and at least three discussion posts I hadn’t even clicked on.
Grad school wasn’t for the faint of heart.
But I was making it work, somehow—even with Sophie, even with my TA duties, even after the distraction of wanting to fuck my professor.
I couldn’t stop thinking about being tongue-fucked into a knee-shaking orgasm by my boss in the pool locker room.
I shoved that thought aside the way you pretend calories don’t count if no one saw you eat it.
The air was still thick with that late summer stickiness as I made my way across campus, my bag cutting into my shoulder. My body felt tired, but my brain? My brain had been caught in a loop all day. It wasn’t just today. All day. Every day.
He haunted my dreams. I couldn’t forget the way he had felt in my hand.
The way his body had felt between my legs, the grip of his hands on my hips, the wicked things he did with his mouth.
And don’t even get me started on how I couldn’t concentrate in class.
Every time I tried to take notes, my fingers remembered what he felt like.
A literal ache lived between my thighs. I was trying to be a responsible adult and he’d practically rewired my entire sexual operating system in ten minutes.
I had never been one of those people that needed sex.
It didn’t dominate my thoughts. At least it didn’t before I met him.
Now, he’d turned me into a horny sex maniac that was in a constant state of excitement.
I was pulling my hair into a messy bun when I spotted Paige walking toward me across the quad.
She was one of those people who somehow always looked put together despite the oppressive South Carolina heat.
She was a grad student as well and a few years older than I was.
She’d been on some grand adventures with her father, who had been an archeologist before passing away last year.
Today she wore a flowy sundress that probably cost more than my monthly grocery budget, but she’d been friendly enough during orientation that I didn’t hold her trust fund against her.
I was beginning to think everyone at this school was rich. Or I was just really poor.
“Cece!” she called out, waving. “Girl, you look like you’re melting.”
I laughed, tugging at my shirt where it was already sticking to my back. “We need to build a dome around this place and install air-conditioning. September in South Carolina should be illegal. I thought it was supposed to cool down after Labor Day.”
“Ha!” Paige fell into step beside me. “September’s still summer here. We don’t get real fall until Halloween, if we’re lucky. Last year I was wearing shorts on Thanksgiving.”
“Great. So I have another month of walking around feeling like I’m inside a hair dryer. No, more like a sauna. Steamy and swampy.”
“At least. But hey, that’s what cold drinks are for.” She bumped my shoulder with hers. “Speaking of which, want to grab drinks tonight? I’m thinking The Library. They’ve got decent AC and even better bartenders. Hubba hubba.”
The mention of The Library made my stomach flip.
The place where we’d had that charged evening with Lina, where the tension had been so thick I could barely breathe.
Where he’d looked at me like he wanted to devour me whole.
He almost did devour me whole. I wasn’t sure I could ever show my face there again after the incident in the locker room.
“I don’t know,” I said, trying to sound casual. “I’ve got a ton of reading to catch up on.”
“Come on, it’s Wednesday night. Live a little. Besides, you’ve been looking stressed lately. When’s the last time you did something fun that didn’t involve studying?”
If only she knew what kind of fun I’d been up to recently.
I still couldn’t believe we’d gotten down and dirty out in the open like that.
It was like temporary insanity brought on by his bare chest and my empty bedroom.
He’d given me the hottest morning of my life, and we absolutely could never do it again.
“I really should stay in tonight.” But even as I said it, part of me was already imagining walking into that dimly lit bar, scanning the crowd to see if a certain professor might be there. Why did I always have to play by the rules? No one else seemed to.
But no, I needed to spend some time with my daughter. “Raincheck?” I asked.
She smiled. “Of course. Just let me know.”
I was looking forward to sitting at home with Mom and Sophie. A bit of normal after the very abnormal last few days. It wasn’t every day I gave my professor a hand job after he’d gone down on me. I was feeling a little off kilter.
As soon as I walked in the door, Sophie’s little arms wrapped around my legs with the kind of pure, uncomplicated love that made everything else fade into background noise. I re-centered myself. This was the real world. It was what mattered.
“Mom! We found seventeen shells and a crab that was sleeping!” Sophie announced, bouncing on her toes.
I glanced at my mother and she mouthed the word, Dead . I chuckled and sent her a thankful look for making sure my daughter had a nice day.
“And Granny let me go in the water up to my knees,” she continued, oblivious to the silent conversation between the adults.
I scooped Sophie up, marveling at how solid and real she felt in my arms after the surreal afternoon I’d had. She was my anchor. The giggling little girl who thought finding shells was the greatest adventure in the world.
“Seventeen shells?” I said, carrying her toward the kitchen where Mom went to stir something that smelled like heaven and normalcy. “Did you save any for me to see?”
“Granny said we’re going to make a jewelry box,” Sophie said. “She said you made a box when you were my age.”
I smiled at the memory. “I did. I think I still have it somewhere.”
I was pretty sure everyone made a jewelry box covered with shells at some point, assuming they got a chance to visit a beach. But I remembered finding the shells with my dad and keeping them in a jar forever. I also remembered the funky smell. “Did you wash your shells?” I asked Sophie.
“You know we did,” Mom said. “Not making that mistake again.”
I laughed. “Just a little like low tide.”
“Dinner’s almost ready. Sophie, go wash your hands and then set the table.”
I set Sophie down and she scampered off to the bathroom, still chattering about her beach discoveries. Mom looked up from the stove with that knowing smile that mothers perfected—the one that said she could read every emotion crossing my face even when I thought I was hiding them.
“Long day?” she asked, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.
“You could say that.” I dropped my bag by the counter and leaned against it, suddenly exhausted. The adrenaline that had been carrying me since the pool incident was finally wearing off, leaving me feeling wrung out and confused.
“Everything okay at school?”
“Yeah. Just hot outside,” I lied, grabbing a glass of water from the tap.
“You didn’t say how your diving recertification went,” she said.
“It wasn’t really a re-cert. The professor just wanted to make sure we knew what we were doing.”
She snorted. “You’ve been in the water since you took your first breath.”
I smiled. “We know that, but my professor didn’t.”
“I hope you set him straight.”
I almost choked. “I did. I most definitely did. I’m going to change. Need me to help with anything?”
“Nope. It’s done. I didn’t want to make anything that required too much cooking. This heat is relentless.”
I headed to my room, grateful for a few minutes to myself.
My bedroom was stifling despite the window unit cranked on high.
I needed the privacy more than the comfort.
I quickly pulled on some shorts and a loose T-shirt before heading into the kitchen.
Sophie was setting the table while rambling on about painting the shells.
After dinner, we curled up on the couch with a dinosaur book.
“Steggy the Sky Pilot” was Sophie’s new obsession.
Historically inaccurate? Yes. Did it feature a stegosaurus flying a biplane while wearing goggles and shouting “Yabba-dabba-fuel up!”?
Also yes. But Sophie loved it. Especially because Steggy’s grandma flew with the dinosaur on every mission, which obviously reminded her of Granny. Moments like these were all I needed.
I had my daughter. My mom. My classes. A goal I was working toward. So why couldn’t I stop thinking about him? Why did I keep remembering the sounds I made? The feel of his scruffy jaw against my skin? The way his voice had gone low and ragged when he growled my name like it tasted good.
I helped Sophie brush her teeth and tucked her in with two kisses—one for her and one for Steggy—and then padded back to the kitchen, where my mom was just putting the last of the dishes in the dishwasher.
“You good?” she asked, her eyes warm.
I nodded too quickly. “Mmhmm.”
Her eyes narrowed slightly. “You’ve got that look.”
“What look?” I grabbed my phone from the counter.
“The one that means your contemplating a bad decision.”
“Wow, okay, chill with the mind reading.” I snorted but couldn’t help grinning.
She just raised her eyebrows. “I’ve been you, sweetie. Be safe.”
Moms. Ugh. Was I going to be like that with Sophie? Hell, I already was. There was a special mom power that included mind reading, telepathy, and a lie detector all in one. I walked away before I could start oversharing.
I stood in the hallway outside my room, my heart tap dancing against my ribs. My fingers hovered over the screen for a full minute before I finally caved and typed the words.
Me: We need to talk.
Three dots appeared. Disappeared. Reappeared.
Grady: You free now?
Me: Yeah.
A second later, his address popped up. My heart dropped and leapt at the same time.
It was a bad idea. The worst idea.
So naturally, I threw on a hoodie and went into the living room to talk to my mom. “Can you keep an eye on Sophie?” I asked. “I was thinking about going for a drive and trying to clear my head.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, fine. Just stressed.”
“Of course you should go,” she said with a wave of her hand. “You don’t have to ask. You know I’m going to be here. We agreed I’m your other half until you get on your feet.”
“Thanks, Mom. Seriously.”
“Go on. I’m going to pour a glass of wine. There’s a whole new season of that true crime show. I’m going to binge it.”
“And then go to bed like a freak.” I laughed. “I don’t know why you don’t have nightmares.”
“Because I’m a badass,” she said.
“Thanks. Don’t wait up.”
“I won’t. Have fun.”
She didn’t say she knew what I was going to do, but I had a feeling she had her suspicions. Mom had a way of knowing things.
I started my piece of shit car and followed the GPS to his house. We both knew what was going to happen. I couldn’t talk myself out of it. All of this tension was impossible to bear. I was going to wrinkle prematurely. And develop an ulcer.
His place was out past the main drag, tucked behind a row of trees that probably looked very charming in daylight. At night, it felt like driving into the unknown. The whole drive over I kept trying to talk myself out of going over there.
I just turned up the music and drowned out my common sense.