12. Chapter 11
NATHAN
I felt groggy. Like someone had split my head in two.
My limbs were stiff, as if I’d slept wrong and only now was coaxing them back to life.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
Where was my Advil?
I cracked my eyes open, and even that felt like a challenge. Pressure throbbed deep behind my skull, sharp enough to make me wince.
“Lilly,” I murmured, feeling her presence beside me, her familiar blonde hair spilling across my chest.
I leaned closer, arms wrapping around her lean frame. A new scent clung to her, citrus with a hint of sea salt, fresh enough to make me breathe it in again, chasing it like a dream.
I didn’t want to move. Not yet. But she shifted, letting out a low sound, and I became more aware of the room. It was still dark, early light barely slipping past the curtains.
Then I noticed the sheets. Too warm. Too close against my skin.
I was naked.
What the hell?
I let go of Lilly, though her scent still lingered, still stirring something in me. My dick reacted before my brain caught up, but she always hated morning quickies.
I twisted in the bedding. “Lilly, what time is it?”
No answer, just her nuzzling closer, head against my neck. That wasn’t like her. I huffed out a short laugh.
“Why am I naked?” I muttered, half asleep as she wound her limbs around me.
She was never this touchy. It was making me hard. I leaned in closer, my hand sliding down to grab her ass.
Tight. Firm.
“Damn, you’ve been working out,” I murmured into her ear, that scent making the hairs on my arms stand up. “Your ass feels amazing.”
I pressed against her, then froze.
No breasts.
My hand stayed where it was, confusion rooting me in place. Lilly was many things, but flat-chested wasn’t one of them.
I pried one eye open. Blonde hair. Messy. Luscious. “Lilly, wake up,” I mumbled.
She shifted closer, and then I heard it.
A soft whisper. A voice that wasn’t hers.
“Mmh… you feel good.”
My stomach dropped. My hands burned like I’d grabbed a live wire, and I jerked them back. I was suddenly wide awake, like cold water had been thrown over me.
“What the—”
I sat up fast, yanking the blanket with me. Bright green eyes looked up from my pillow, a small grin tugging at the mouth I recognized instantly.
“You’re awake,” Ryan said, leaning back like he belonged there.
What the hell?
I was on my feet in an instant, dragging the blanket over my hips. “What the hell happened, Ryan? Why are you here, fuck, where’s Lilly?”
The sunlight filtering through the curtains was enough to catch the irritation on his face. I grabbed his shoulder. “Ryan. Where the hell is Lilly?”
If he was here, in our bed, then she might have seen him.
My stomach tightened. Did she think…? Did she already know he was my student?
“Relax, you—”
“Shut up, Ryan.” My voice came out low, sharp. He leaned back, lips pressed in a thin, fake-patient line.
If she’d seen him… fuck.
Ryan chuckled under his breath. I whipped my head toward him.
“You think this is funny?” I snapped.
“I—”
I crossed the room in two strides and grabbed him by the throat. “What the hell did you do, Ryan? And so help me God, if you lie to me, you’ll regret it. Got it?”
He struggled against my grip, hands clawing at my wrist. I tightened my hold. “I said—got it?”
His eyes went wide, wary now. He gave a short nod.
I let go, shoving him back. His head hit the pillow, and he propped himself up on his elbows. “Ouch.”
“Shut up.”
A slow grin curved his mouth. “Wow. So you can be dominant. Here I thought—”
I slapped him. Hard enough to hear his breath catch. His glare sharpened as he wiped his mouth.
“Asshole,” he muttered.
“Don’t talk unless you’re telling me exactly what happened. Why am I naked? Where is my wife?”
“I don’t owe you anything.”
My stomach knotted in pure anger. Who the hell did he think he was?
In my bed. My wife’s bed.
Half naked. Smug. Like he belonged here.
He was beautiful, yes , that was an undeniable fact, but there was venom in his eyes and a smirk on his lips.
“Who the hell do you think you are?” I snarled. “Where is my wife? What did you—” I grabbed a fistful of his hair, pulling just enough to make him wince.
“Ow—stop,” he whined. “I didn’t do anything!”
“You expect me to believe that? Where is she, you stupid little—”
“She saw us. Okay? There. She saw us and left, idiot.” The last word was muttered, but I heard it.
I froze, letting go of his hair. “What the hell do you mean she saw us? Us doing what? Answer me.”
Ryan sat up straighter. “What do you think? She saw us laying here together and just assumed.”
“Just assumed?” I scoffed. “Why are you even in my bed, Ryan? You seriously want me to believe this was a coincidence? You think I don’t know your type?”
“My type? Fuck you. I was doing you a favor.”
“A favor?” My voice rose. “You made my wife think we were sleeping together. Did you do that on purpose?”
He didn’t answer. And the look on his face told me everything.
“So what if I did?” Ryan shot back. “You didn’t even want a baby, and she’s cheated on you before. I heard it. So what’s the big deal? I’m helping you dodge a bullet. A little gratitude wouldn’t kill you—”
“Dodge a bullet?” My voice rose. “You ditzy idiot. She’s my wife. If we have a baby, that has nothing to do with you.”
He stood, tugging up his pants with an air of defiance.
“She wasn’t good enough for you.”
I barked out a laugh that held no humor. “And you know what’s good for me? You? You’re a child.”
This couldn’t be happening. My chest felt tight as I yanked on boxers, searching for my phone like my life depended on it.
Where the hell did she go?
Message after message from Lilly lit up the screen. And a few from my mother.
Lilly:
You’re such a coward. All those years I thought you forgave me for one mistake, and you were just waiting to get back at me.
Hope screwing that blonde was worth it.
And really, a boy? He looked like a teenager, you piece of shit.
You’re a real piece of work. Expect divorce papers. Don’t bother apologizing. I’m done.
Mother:
Why is your wife blowing up my phone?
My God, Nathaniel, what did you do?
You stepped out? Call me. Now.
“Fuck.” I tried her number. Straight to voicemail. Again. And again.
I sat on the bed, hands over my face, breathing slow and deliberate like that could undo the last twenty minutes.
Then I felt it, Ryan’s arms sliding around me from behind.
“Calm down,” he murmured.
I shoved him off. “Don’t touch me.” My voice came out low, sharp. I jabbed a finger toward him. “You ruined my life. Do you even realize that?”
He didn’t answer. Just stared back at me, eyes full of conviction, not remorse.
This was my fault. I’d seen the signs from day one, the flirting, the smiles, the office hour conversations that lingered too long. I’d told myself I could manage it, that I’d dealt with hypersexual students before. But Ryan wasn’t like the others. In months, he’d blown my life apart.
I should have drawn the line harder. Should have reported him. Should have thrown him out the first time I found him in my house. Instead, I’d let him in.
His gaze swept over me now, slow and unapologetic. No sympathy. Just want.
The lump in my throat burned like coal. I forced my breathing steady, but being this close to him: this oblivious, smug kid, was infuriating.
“Guess you’re single now,” Ryan said lightly, though there was a tremor in his voice.
I stared. “Oh, you guess? What the hell do you even get out of this?”
He didn’t hesitate. “You.”
“You don’t have me, Ryan. I’m your professor. That’s all.”
He rolled his eyes. “It was a dead marriage, Nathan, you—”
“Mr. Thorne to you.”
His eyes narrowed. “Nathan.”
I stepped closer. “Don’t call me—”
“Why not? Should I not call the man who was groping my ass by his real name?”
I scoffed, chuckling bitterly as I sat down, rubbing my temples. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Why do this?” I whispered, my voice cracking from all the yelling. “Why, Ryan?”
Silence stretched. Then: “You’re mine.”
I shook my head. “I’m not yours. You don’t get that, do you?”
He lifted his chin. “Really? Does you almost screwing me in your classroom not ring any bells? You left me a hickie, Nathan. You already lost your wife, want to lose your job too?”
That snapped something in me. I grabbed him and threw him onto the bed.
“Is that supposed to mean anything?” I growled.
He scoffed, bouncing on the bed, and sitting up a bit, “Yeah that you clearly wanted me, more than that wife of ours. I just made the choice for you, since you're too pathetic to make it yourself. Now we can be together, your welcome.”
He gave a smug smile at the end, it burned something in me.
“Yeah? I want to be with you? Is this what you think?” I dragged him toward me, my voice venomous. “You think I want to spend my life with you Ryan? I was fucking horny! That's it, never heard of a man just wanting to get his dick wet? That doesn't mean I want my marriage to be over!”
“Fuck you! That's not true,” he spat, squirming against my grip, “You wanted me! It was more than just lust, I could feel it.”
“It was a poor lapse in judgement.” My grip tightened, my breath harsh. “I would never in a million years want to be with someone like you in any real capacity.”
He froze for half a beat before thrashing, kicking out. “Fuck you, Nathan! You wanted me—”
I tightened my hold, cutting him off. “For sex.”
“Stop! Leave me alone!” His voice cracked, but I didn’t let go.
My grip tightened around him, as I lowered over him.
No amount of discipline would ever set him straight.
“Please…” his voice sounded different, more raw.
I let go instantly. He curled in on himself, arms clamped tight over his chest like I’d strip him bare again. His knees were drawn up, head down, breathing uneven.
The silence between us was heavy. I didn’t let it settle.
“I’m not yours, Ryan.” My voice was cold, each word deliberate. “I will never love you the way I love my wife. Not now, not ever. Me getting a bit carried away isn’t going to change that.”
He looked at me like I’d just ripped the air out of his lungs. Good. He needed to hear this.
“You’re a pain in the ass,” I continued, my tone sharper now, “and now I understand exactly why your father wants nothing to do with you. You push, you manipulate, you turn everything into a game, and then you act surprised when people walk away. You don’t keep anyone without ruining them first.”
He flinched, but I didn’t stop.
“You think this little act will trap me here? That I’ll forget the life I built before you barged in? You’ve got no idea what real love looks like. All you know is how to claw at someone until they bleed for you, and you call that affection.”
I leaned forward, my eyes locked on his, my voice dropping low.
“Let me make this perfectly clear, what you feel for me isn’t love. It’s obsession. And obsession doesn’t keep people. It destroys them. Me and you have no future and the sooner you understand that, the closer you’ll be to the reality you live in.”
He gave a short, breathy laugh, like I’d just told the weakest joke in the world. But his eyes betrayed the crack in his armor.
“Is that supposed to hurt my feelings?” he said, standing and yanking his clothes back on. “Coming from the man still playing doting husband to the woman who let another guy fuck her?”
The hit landed, but I didn’t let it show. I swallowed hard, he turned with a grin. “Your opinion on love means very little to me.”