Chapter 22 Evan #3
“Well, that’s the thing,” I slap the mat with both hands. “He didn’t mind.”
“I mean—you said it was just a few days later, right?”
“There’s like way more.”
“Oh.” Sam’s brows lift. “Go ahead.”
“I decided for some stupid reason this would be a great time to tell Deacon I liked him.”
Sam freezes midway through switching legs. “Please be lying, bro.”
I press my lips together and shake my head.
“Dude. You really should have called me first.”
“I tried. You didn’t answer.” I called Sam when I was outside the restaurant freaking out but ended up leaving a five-minute voicemail I knew he wouldn’t listen to. “What would you have said?”
“I would have said step the fuck back and let it run its course. Also stop fucking your boss, but I’m sure everyone says that.”
That, in a nutshell is why no one but Sam knows. I can make my own decisions about who I fuck. “Noted, but there’s actually more.”
“All right, all right.”
I spew it all pretty fast. The blow job from Deacon, the walk in the park with Isaac, the awkward as fuck conversation I just had with my roommate, and, at the end, I throw in the job offer from Hunter, just for flavor. “That was all in the last twenty-four hours.”
“Jesus,” he says when I finally wrap it up.
“Also, you saw Millie’s post.”
He chuckles. “You just need to wait her out. Dogs don’t stay pregnant that long. If Apollo’s the dad, I imagine it’ll be pretty obvious.”
“I can honestly say that’s the least of my problems.”
“Why did the idea of having a conversation with Deacon and Isaac freak you out?”
“Because I swear to God, he was suggesting a threesome.”
“And?”
“Look, I’m not trying to star in a porn here. I just want to like the guy I like.”
“Which is who?”
Goddamnit. I hate that question. “Well, I like both of them.”
“Equally?
“It’s not exactly equally, but in terms of reciprocal feelings, it balances out.”
“Speak English.”
“I think Isaac really likes me, and I think I might have some buried feelings for him, but I’ve openly liked Deacon for a long time, and he’s kinda just starting to notice me like that.”
Samuel squints. “I’m still kinda hung up on the love confession from the park.”
“Yeah…” I sigh. “That was something. It really fucked with me to be honest.”
“You sure those feelings are buried?”
I stare at him but don’t answer. If I were a normal person and this were a normal situation, I’d be with Isaac right now, telling him what a fucking dream he is.
“Okay—it’s messy. You’re right,” Sam says. “But it’s kinda like you said, too. It balances itself out for now.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, like if you did go have the conversation, it doesn’t need to turn into anything. And if it does...” He shrugs.
“What?”
“You like them both, they like you. Seems like it could be hot.”
I cannot believe I’m hearing this. “It seems like a nightmare. Have you ever had a threesome?”
“No.”
“Well, I have, and they’re not exactly love fests. Half of it is just watching and waiting for your turn.”
“Evan. Come on. We’ve all got a front side and a back side. Two hands apiece. There’s plenty to work with. And what’s wrong with watching?”
“I don’t want to watch.”
“Then don’t watch.”
“Duh, that’s why I’m here.”
“I mean participate,” Sam says.
“Okay, did I mention Deacon tops Isaac?”
Sam laughs. “No.”
“Please for the love of fucking God, don’t tell Calyx that.”
“I can’t make that promise. Also, what the fuck is wrong with bottoming?”
“Have you done it?” I ask.
“Have you seen my boyfriend?”
“Yes.”
Sam tries giving me a meaningful look, but I’m not picking up on it fast enough. “He’s little.”
“Like little?” I do the thumb and forefinger measurement thing.
Sam shrugs. “Not tiny, but he’s kinda little. I like it. You bottom, right?”
“Well, yeah, but for Isaac.”
“And Deacon?”
“Deacon and I haven’t had sex.”
“Is it some kind of gay crime to like it both ways?” he asks.
“No, but, I just didn’t think Isaac would.”
“Are you being super judgy right now, or am I misunderstanding something?” Sam asks.
I sigh. “It’s me. Shit. I’m being very judgy. I’m being an asshole. I’m jealous.”
“Because you wanna top Isaac, too?” Sam asks with a smirk.
“Okay. I see what you’re doing. It’s just a lot to process.”
“So maybe you just needed a break to process it,” he says. “That’s okay.”
“I appreciate that. Deacon didn’t seem to think so.”
“Well, it seems like they both like you, Evan.”
“Is it wrong to just want one boyfriend at a time?”
“No, but it’s also not wrong to openly date two people at a time to figure out where you fit or what you want. As long as no one’s going behind someone else’s back and you can handle knowing they’re seeing other people, too.”
“All the same people.”
“It is kind of a situation, isn’t it?” Sam crisscrosses his legs beneath him to twist his back. Cracks travel up his spine, and the sound makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
“God, are you okay?”
“Feels so fucking good when it pops like that. Better than a hand job.”
I laugh. “Are you hurting all the time?”
“Pretty much. Anyway, I think you should try it. With the guys. At least then you’d know what you’re saying no to.”
“Try what? A threesome?”
“If you want. I just meant the conversation.”
I shake my head. “These two guys, though. They’re very…compelling.”
“There you go. It can be done.”
“Do I just say hey guys—let’s go for it. And then what? It’s like a free for all?”
“Dude, I don’t know, but I’d definitely wanna hear about it.”
“Would you and Calyx do it?”
“Fuck no. I’d kill anybody who touched him. With my hands.”
“So I guess you guys are doing all right.”
He grins again, and this time it’s that dumb, lovestruck grin all happy people have.
I hate it. I mean—I’m happy for him and them and whatever, but he looks ridiculous.
“Yeah, we’re great. His birthday’s next week, we’re gonna be in New York, he’ll look smokin’ hot.
I can eat whatever the fuck I want because I don’t have another fight until April. I’m excited.”
“Have you been to New York before?”
“With my dad, but that’s a whole thing I don’t wanna talk about.”
“I told you mine, tell me yours.”
“Yeah?” He looks both desperate and hopeful. “‘Cause it’s one of those things I can’t talk about with Calyx.”
“Sure. I’ve got nothing but time.”
Samuel and I end up getting our dogs and going for a long walk while he tells me about his parents’ impending divorce.
I’m not sure I say anything helpful since I was so young when my parents called it quits, but I’m able to listen as he goes through all his complicated feelings out loud.
I come home feeling better having touched base with him, and frankly, it was refreshing having a completely non-sexual interaction with someone besides Millie. It’s been a minute.
Also, it helped me make my decision. Before I go to bed, I text Deacon to say I’m willing to talk.