Chapter 25 Deacon
DEACON
Ican tell my roommate is trying. What he’s trying, I still haven’t figured out, but after we eat, my need is running white hot, and I want things, deeply.
Evan’s ass, which is currently settled between Isaac and me on the outside couch is only one of those things.
My hand rubs his leg, but it wants his skin.
It’s going to be very difficult not to force my will onto this situation. Again.
Evan looks me in the eyes, and I have a momentary fear that he read my thoughts just now.
“You all right?” he asks.
I nod. I’m fine, I’m just—still horny. Dinner was good, but now that it’s over, I was hoping we’d go back to the bedroom, but instead, we’re on the terrace again, not really talking.
Evan and Isaac are playing with each other’s hands, and I’m more or less feeling up Evan’s thigh, but we’re mostly just looking at each other, sharing smiles, the occasional wink and every now and then someone will let out a light laugh.
It’s not the most awkward I’ve ever felt, but it’s up there.
My desire to make a big move is building.
“Do you need more wine?” Isaac asks Evan.
“Sure,” he says.
“Deacon? Water?”
“No, I’m okay.”
Isaac takes Evan’s glass and stands.
“Are you trying to get drunk?” I ask Evan once Isaac is inside.
“It’s only my third glass.”
“Aren’t you buzzed?”
He looks at me. “A little. I think I’m still nervous.”
I squeeze his thigh. “I like you with Isaac.”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m not with him.”
“You’re like an old married couple. Like you know each other really well.”
“He’s an open book and super messy. It doesn’t take much to get to know him. You’ll see.”
“But you like him, and you’re attracted to him…” I pause, waiting for confirmation.
He nods.
“What would it take for you to fall in love with him?”
He appears to consider the question. “It’s hard to trust what he says he feels for me when he feels all these things for you, too.”
“That’s what you need? Trust?”
Evan gives me another look that makes me think he’s putting in some serious thought, which I have to say I appreciate. It means I might get a helpful answer.
“Trust is a big deal,” he says. “And not just like—I trust you are where you say you are, or you’re not hooking up with some random.
There are apps that can track that stuff.
I mean like deep, abiding trust. Like you’ll forgive me when I really fuck up.
Like I’m safe with you no matter what. Like you’ll never fuck me over on purpose. ”
“Tall order.”
“Is it?” he asks. “Because we might not always be attractive. Or healthy. I need to trust that someone will still be there because they love and accept me.”
“Is that the magic ingredient then?”
Evan gives a casual shrug. “It’s a good start.”
That’s totally something Isaac would say.
Isaac returns with two glasses of wine. He hands Evan his and takes a sip from the other glass as he takes his seat again—on the other side of Evan.
“I feel like the three of us haven’t done enough communicating,” Isaac says.
He’s extremely right about that. Since this was my idea, I guess I need to try to start the conversation we still obviously need to have about how this is going to work, but what comes out of my mouth is so random, I don’t even know what my brain is doing.
“What do you think the third ingredient is for love? If one is being attracted and the other is liking each other, what’s the third? ”
“Is that what you two were discussing?”
“I asked,” I tell him.
“I wouldn’t put attraction in the top three,” Isaac says. “I’d combine the first two and call it chemistry.”
“So, what turns good chemistry into love?” I ask.
Isaac props his head back on the couch and hums. I get stuck staring at his Adam’s apple as he speaks. “Chemistry is a big category. I’m trying to think of what else.”
“Evan says trust,” I offer.
“Evan has trust issues.”
Evan slaps him in the chest with the back of his hand, and it makes Isaac laugh. “I think it’s more like—when two people are better together than the sum of their parts. Like life is easier because you’ve got your ride-or-die. Someone you’d go to war for.”
“But what makes them that person?” I ask because Evan’s answer was easier to follow.
“Continued mutual interest,” he says.
I frown.
Evan snorts.
Isaac grins. “Think about it. It’s a perfect answer. What’s yours, Deacon?”
“I have no idea. That’s why I was asking. Emotion works weird in my head.”
“Right,” Isaac says. “Then just take my word for it.”
I smile because I like when he gets cocky. I get a wink for that, and it makes me want to crawl over Evan and onto Isaac’s lap. Or drag him onto mine. I really need to know what the rules are here.
I’ve fought off four erections in the last forty-five minutes, and none of them are from anything that’s actually happening.
They’re from the things I wish would. I want someone to touch me.
And not just anywhere, but someplace intimate.
My inner thigh, my crotch, hell, even my neck would be a start.
I’m leaning back on the sofa, feet planted on the floor and knees spread. Isaac has his feet on the edge of the fire pit, and Evan’s are tucked beneath him. I’m open for business, but I’m too nervous to start anything for fear everyone will disperse.
The restlessness is making my fingers tap the cushion, but it’s not nearly enough stimulation. I’m about five minutes away from excusing myself to pace and scratch or jerk off or something.
Evan must notice I’m restless because he grabs the hand I still have on his leg. It makes my cock twitch. “You’re like—thrumming,” he says.
“Sorry.”
“Have you been sitting still too long?”
“Sure,” I say. It’s half-true. “Did you mean what you said earlier?”
“Which part?”
Without regurgitating the conversation I’m referring to where he said he was willing to try this thing, I skip ahead to ask for what I want. “Can we switch places?”
His eyes widen. “Oh. Um…”
Isaac has turned his head and is watching this. He’s currently holding Evan’s hand again.
“Did you want to take things slow or something?” I ask.
He looks stunned. “We already—I mean…I guess I don’t know what you’re asking.”
Suddenly frustrated, I look at Isaac. “Are you good here?”
“I’m fine,” he says, but there’s something in his eyes that’s making me rethink everything.
“All right. Then I might head out.”
“I could be better, too,” Isaac says quickly.
Evan whips his head around to look at him. “What am I doing wrong?”
“Nothing, baby.”
“Am I being a cockblocker?”
“A little,” I say.
“Oh.”
It’s like there’s a clock ticking inside me.
I’m starting to wonder if my sobriety honeymoon is coming to an end.
I don’t mind being a third wheel, but I’d like to think I serve some purpose.
I liked Isaac before I knew Evan was interested in me or him.
That hasn’t just stopped. I’m not sure he feels the same way about me now that he’s got Evan willing to explore their relationship, but I’m gonna need a verdict, or I’ll be reactivating my profile on some of my hook-up apps.
Evan starts to move. “I mean if you guys wanna…I can go…”
“No one’s asking you to go,” Isaac says.
“But you want me out of the way, so…”
“Please don’t,” I snap. “I don’t need you out of the way, but if we’re just gonna sit here looking at each other for the next hour, I have other things I could be doing.”
“Whoa.” Isaac reaches past Evan to grab the front of my shirt. He pulls us together until we’re kissing across Evan’s lap—right in front of his face.
And it’s not a peck, either. It’s a good one. The kind that has me grabbing the back of his neck and giving him as much of me as I can.
“Shit,” I hear Evan whisper, but I can’t decipher the tone of it. I don’t really care. I need this. Isaac’s kiss is possessive and demanding. Exactly what I’m craving.
“Fuck. You look good together.”
Isaac finishes with a luscious stroke of his tongue and closes his lips over mine. I’m breathing heavy, still staring into his eyes. “You’re staying here,” he says. “Got it?”
I nod, stupidly dazed from one perfect kiss.
Evan’s hand touches my face, and I turn to him. I can’t read his expression. Maybe worry? He’s not happy, but he’s not angry either. “I’m sorry I keep fucking this up. I want you. You have no idea how much.”
“Show me,” I challenge him.
His mouth meets mine, quickly replacing Isaac’s taste with his own.
Evan doesn’t kiss as deeply or powerfully as our CEO does, but there’s something teasing, wet, and sexy about it that gets me desperate to undress him.
While he’s got my mouth occupied, I feel Isaac at my neck, sucking and licking, his low words in my ear.
“Don’t accept anything less than what you want. You deserve to have it all.”