16. Dee
CHAPTER 16
Dee
I f he had stood in front of me and taken down Cillian, I’d not have felt this way. The fact that Jax overrode his instincts to give me the space I needed to tell Cillian to feck himself off was more precious than him punching my ex in the balls.
I knocked on Jax’s door after we finished our drink on the bench, after I’d cleaned up, put perfume on my pulse points, and slipped into my sexy, lacy knickers. I knew he’d taken a shower because I’d heard him.
He wore nothing but a pair of boxers, those tight black ones that left nothing to the imagination. I almost lost my courage then. This beautiful Adonis of a man couldn’t want me, could he? I mean, I was Dee Gallagher. I hadn’t worked out in my life. The only weights I’d ever lifted were barrels of beer.
“Dee, all okay?” he asked.
I licked my lips.
So, how was this done? How did a woman walk up to a man who looked like Jax and say, “ Hey, I’d like a tumble with you ?”
I stood still as a statue.
“Dee?” He took my hand in his and led me into his room. “Baby, talk to me?”
I nodded.
Aye, I should talk to him, tell him why the feck I’d knocked on his door. But how could I tell him that I wanted him? How could I tell him that in four weeks, he’d gotten something from me that Cillian hadn’t been able to in three years? He’d gotten my heart. Sure, it hurt to see Cillian fuck Aoife, but the truth? It didn’t break my heart, just my ego. I could see that now. That made me think that maybe I hadn’t been in love with Cillian, and it made me worry (okay, it made me scared shiteless) that I was in love with Jax. Kind, wonderful, supportive Jax, with his feckin’ dimples.
He sat me down on his bed and crouched in front of me. Why wouldn’t he put on some pants, for the love of everythin’ holy? Because I was just about ready to jump the unsuspecting man.
“Dee, you’re scaring me, darlin’.”
I shook my head. “I’m fine. I….”
“What?” he asked patiently.
I looked at his beautiful face. The blue eyes. That awesome nose. Those high cheekbones. That slight stubble.
“I…I want to sleep with you.”
There. I’d said it.
He looked confused. “You want to sleep here with me?”
What? This man couldn’t be that dense, could he?
Before I could say more, he winked at me. “You want me to fuck you, darlin’?”
Okay, so that was not quite how I’d put it, but sure, let’s go with his version.
I nodded like a daft eejit .
He grinned and rose. He sat next to me, holding my hand. “Dee, I want you. You know that, right?”
Did I?
“Aye, I suspected,” I managed to toss out.
Why the hell was I nervous? I was a grown woman of thirty. I wasn’t some doddering virgin offering myself to an aged lover.
He took my hand and put it on his cock. “Can you feel how hard I am?”
I squeezed slightly, and he groaned, his eyes on mine.
“Aye,” I breathed.
“I want you. But we’re not going to do this if you’re sad or?—”
I pulled my hand away and stood up jerkily. “What the feck does it take for a lass to get laid around here?” I demanded angrily.
He looked at me in shock for a moment and then began to laugh. Uncontrollably.
Well, the hell with it.
I was about to stomp out of his room when he grabbed me by the waist, his chest against my back, his lips close to my ear. He pushed his erection against my ass. “You want me to fuck you?”
He made me breathless. “Yes.”
He turned me around. “You sure?”
“ Yes ,” I said in exasperation.
He pushed me onto the bed, my knees hanging over the edge. “Ass up, baby.”
I slid further up, my head close to his pillow. He straddled me and started to unbutton my shirt. “You know what’s the best part of sex?”
“An orgasm?” I suggested sarcastically.
“Well, that’s a requisite, darlin’. But no, the best part is consent. I don’t want you to ever regret this. I don’t want you to ever think that you were weak and you gave yourself to me.”
Feck the man! If I weren’t already in love with him, I’d be now, wouldn’t I? Why did he have to be so good? Why couldn’t he be the way I thought Yanks were… arseholes ?
“Jax.” I put a hand on him before he proceeded to peel my shirt off. “I want this. I want you . I’m not scratching an itch. I want you .”
He smiled and brushed his lips against mine. “I want you too, Dee. Very much.”
My heart began to race as I let go of all the suppressed attraction and denial I’d been holding onto for weeks.
“Now, Dee,” Jax looked at me seriously. “I want you to know something before we get started.”
I waited.
“I’m going to ruin you for other men.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I’m serious. Women get addicted. I just want you to know that could happen to you. I’m okay with that.” He pulled my shirt away and sucked in his breath as he saw me in my lacy bra and jeans. He cupped my breasts. “I don’t mind it at all. In fact, I want you to.”
“What if you’re the one to get, you know…addicted?” I demanded, though my thoughts were scattering because he was scraping his thumbs over my nipples.
“Baby, I already am, and I haven’t even been inside you.”
He kissed the top of my breasts and nuzzled against the fabric that covered my nipple. “I’m going to take this off now.”
Aye, please .
He slid a hand to my back as he cupped a breast, and used it to unsnap my bra. Now, those were some fine undressing skills.
He removed the fabric slowly as if he were watching a striptease. He threw the black lace on the floor and stared at my breasts.
What did he see, I wondered. I had nice breasts. I mean, nothing to write home about. A decent 34C. I had a regular body. A slight pouch—but then I’d never had a flat stomach. My bum, I’d been told, was pretty sexy. But there was sexy for Ballybeg, and then there was sexy for professional athletes.
“Wow.” He touched the tips of my breasts reverently. “Beautiful. You’re beautiful.”
His hands slid down to my waist, right above my jeans, and then went back up, cupping both breasts, his thumbs playing with my nipples.
I began to pant. He was going slow . I was used to fast, passionate, let’s get this done kind of a tumble. This was seduction.
“I’m going to taste now.”
I wasn’t sure if he was still asking for consent, just telling me what he was planning to do, or talking to himself.
He took a nipple in his mouth and began to suckle. As he did, he raised his eyes to meet mine. He watched me as I watched him shape my flesh and as his fingers manipulated my nipple.
“Jax.” My fingers tangled with his hair. Silky, beautiful hair that I’d often thought about touching, running my hands through.
He kissed a nipple and then blew on it. “Yeah, baby.”
I pushed my hips up, wanting the friction, wanting to feel him hard between my legs.
“You want more?” he asked.
His eyes were hooded. His jaw was tight. His cheeks rouged. He was aroused.
“Yes.”
He slid down and unbuttoned my jeans. He slowly slid the denim down my legs. He then stared at my black knickers that matched my bra. They both had a black bow and were lacy. I liked to have sexy lingerie against my skin. It was my one splurge.
“Good thing I didn’t know what you packed underneath your clothes, darlin’, ‘cause I’d have ripped them off a long time ago.”
He dipped his nose between my legs and inhaled. “What do you call pussy in Irish?” He cupped me, and I felt the surge of liquid drench my knickers.
“ Faighean ,” I told him.
“Fine?”
I smiled. “No, it’s….” I spelled it out for him and then grinned. “It’s also the Irish word for condom.”
Jax pulled his nose out of my center and looked at me. “You Irish are weird.”
“Coming from an American where they haven’t spoken English for years, that’s something.”
Were we having an argument during sex about language?
His face lit up like a beacon. “You’re a My Fair Lady fan.”
I narrowed my eyes, feeling enormously weird that we were both in just our underwear, mostly aroused, discussing a musical. “I’m surprised you are.”
“My gran…nope. Not going there.” He looked down at my pussy. “Going back down there.”
Now, Cillian liked to receive oral like every other red-blooded man I knew, which I liked to give, but he wasn’t always too keen on returning the favor. Since I didn’t think that was fair, we just didn’t do it.
I had a feeling Jax would be very good at this.
He yanked my knickers down my legs and then gasped…no, really, gasped when he saw me bare. “Dee, what other secrets do you have?” He stroked my lips, dipping a finger inside just enough to pull some of my juices out.
So, I liked to keep it bare down there. Cillian never admired me the way Jax was, and if that wasn’t a boost to the old ego.
He put his fingers in his mouth, the ones that had just been inside me, and as he gazed at me, trapping my eyes with his, he sucked.
I felt an answering jolt of arousal run through me.
“I can’t wait,” he murmured, and I knew he was talking to himself. And before I could arrange my thoughts, I lost them all because, as I had suspected, Jax Caldwell knew how to eat a woman out.
I came within minutes, which was a record. With Cillian, we usually needed a toy, something to help me get there. Sometimes, because I didn’t have the energy, I’d just fake it so he could get himself off, and I could take care of myself alone. I mean, no one knew my body better than me…well, except Jax, it appeared.
I screamed my orgasm.
I wasn’t a screamer. I was a quiet lovemaker. I wasn’t prim or proper, just not loud.
By the time I was coming down, Jax had wrapped his cock in a condom. He gently touched the tip of his erection to my clit, rubbing himself over the sensitive nub.
“Ah,” I moaned.
“I’m coming in, baby. You good with that?”
It was sweet how he stopped to make sure I was comfortable with what we were doing. Whoever raised Jax had done a good job. He was by far the most considerate lover I’d ever had.
He entered me slowly, eyes open, aware of one another. Usually, around this time, I closed my eyes and let my body take over, but with Jax, I couldn’t do it. He wasn’t letting me.
Once he was seated all the way in, my insides squeezing him in anticipation, stroking him, he whispered, “Is this better than the rabbit you’ve been usin’, darlin’?”
I froze. The shitehawk went into my room!
Before I could tear him a new one, he kissed me and began to move. I moaned. Yeah, he was way better than my vibrator, he was probably better than all the sex toys in the world.
“Fuck, baby. You feel so damn good,” he breathed.
I wanted to look away. But the power in his eyes, the appreciation—the…hell, there was no other word for it but reverence —wouldn’t let me.
“Stay with me, darlin’.” He kissed me over and over.
My thighs tensed as I felt the forerunner of release. “Clit?” he asked softly.
“Yes.”
He slid a hand between us and began to thrum where I needed him to so I could fall off the edge with him inside of me. I came in a rush, clenching all around him. His mouth dropped to mine in a bruising kiss, and instead of letting me ride my release, he pushed harder, in and out, extending my orgasm, making me feel like I was floating.
I was a grown lass. I’d had sex before, several times with several partners. I wasn’t indiscriminate, but I was no virgin, and yet, what we were doing together felt new, all fresh, untouched.
What a bunch of shite ….
“Jax.” I lost my train of thought when he pulled out of me.
“I want to watch that ass,” he muttered hoarsely, getting me onto my knees.
He slammed into me as if all patience had left him, as he now wanted release. He leaned and nuzzled me. “Give me your mouth, Dee.”
I did as he asked, and he kissed me again as he held my hips tight and pounded. God, was anything better than this? I couldn’t remember. He felt good. This felt good.
He reared up, taking me with him so my back was plastered to his chest. His hands were on my breasts, squeezing hard.
“I like the feel of your thighs against mine,” he murmured.
My core clenched.
“You feel incredible. I’m going to want inside you all the time, darlin’. Your pussy is…fuck….” He came. I felt his release. As he shuddered, his forehead fell on my shoulder. And then we collapsed, him atop me, both of us breathing hard.
When we were able to speak, my first words were, “How the feck did you know about my rabbit?”
He chuckled and bit my earlobe gently. “Only one way that’s possible, baby.”
He rolled over and took me with him. He slid out of me, and I saw the condom glistening with our juices. He had a nice cock. A very nice cock. He was an eejit , sure, but he knew how to use that damn thing.
I really wanted to reduce what happened between us to just sex because my brain couldn’t compute the meaning of the intimacy I’d shared with him, finding my release while I watched him and seeing the possessive flare, and satisfaction in his eyes when I came. But even I wasn’t such a big liar.
“Were you in my room, Yank?”
“Yes.”
I bit his chest. He laughed.
“Jax?”
“Yeah?”
“What if I…what if I regret this tomorrow morning?”
He kissed my hair. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, darlin’.”
I loved how calm he was about the inevitable freakout that was coming, which is why he kept asking me to consent to what was going on between us. I loved how gentle he was. I loved…no, I was not going there.
I dozed off and felt him leave me for a while. I heard the toilet flush.
He came back and pulled me back to him. I let him.
After a man gives you two good orgasms, he earns the right to hold you.
“Sleep well, darlin’ Dee.”
“Jax, was it okay?” The words slipped out before I could hold them back. Aye, those bloody insecurities kept rearing their ugly head.
“Baby, if it was any more okay, I’d have a heart attack.”
I smiled. And on those words, I fell into deep sleep, which I hadn’t done in months.