23. Jax
CHAPTER 23
Jax
I didn’t want to leave.
It was as simple—and as complicated—as that.
I’d now been in Ballybeg for over four and a half weeks. And in that time, somehow, this tiny, muddy, windswept village had worked its way under my skin. The pub, the people, and the long walks through fields that seemed untouched by time were things I didn’t think I’d enjoy, but I did. I was a city boy. I didn’t spend time in the countryside where a body couldn’t find a Michelin-star restaurant and a good bottle of Burgundy—but I didn’t miss any of that, not with Ronan fattening me up, but thanks to Mickey, I was in better shape than I’d ever been.
I thought I’d miss being able to get on the green, but I didn’t.
Was I done with golfing? Already? I knew players reached a point where they felt they were ready to retire—but I was too young for that, wasn’t I?
Or maybe it was Dee. She was the reason I didn’t miss things; she filled me up and sated me.
But real life was knocking on my door, loud and insistent, and I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
“I have to go.” I held her close to me.
We’d just made love, and as always, I felt like I’d won a championship. This feeling of victory every time she gave herself to me was intoxicating.
She nuzzled my chest. “I know.” She waited a moment. “When?”
“In a couple of days. I have a meeting with one of my sponsors in London.” Nike was bringing their CEO to London, so I couldn’t just not show up.
Her shoulders stiffened just slightly, but then she relaxed around me. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Did you cheat on your ex-girlfriend?”
I pulled away so I could look at her face. “What?”
She looked sheepish. “I googled you, alright.”
I chuckled. “First things first, they write whatever they feel like, and it doesn’t have any connection to reality. Francia and I had a thing; we hung out for a short time, a couple of weeks, and we got our picture taken. We didn’t exactly break up because there wasn’t anything to break up . It was casual. She knew it. But she has a movie coming out, and she thought she could gain some publicity.”
Dee moved away and sat up. “Are you saying she just lied?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why didn’t you say something? Tell…those people that you didn’t do that.”
She looked adorably furious. I cupped her cheek. “If you brawl with a pig in the muck, you get dirty, and the pig likes it. I don’t talk to the media about my personal life. I don’t talk about friends, family…anything that’s important to me.”
She nodded.
“What?”
“I may have watched some of your interviews.”
I grinned. “Dee, were you stalking me online?”
“Hardly.” She folded her arms, and her beautiful breasts pushed out.
I touched a nipple with a finger and then the other. “You’re so beautiful.”
“So…you didn’t cheat?”
“I’ve been in two relationships my whole life,” I told her, my eyes on hers. “I never cheated on Dani.”
“And the other?”
“Is with you, and I haven’t cheated on you and would never do that. It’s wrong. It’s disrespectful. And it’s not who I am.”
She cleared her throat, and then, realizing she was naked, she pulled the comforter over her breasts and held it there. “We’re in a relationship?”
“Yes, Dee, we are.”
If she made a flippant remark, she was likely going to hurt me, so I braced myself. Knowing Dee, I knew she’d want to protect herself, and she did that by being prickly.
She swallowed. “So…you’re my lad now, is it?”
I leaned back against the headboard, enjoying the way her cheeks turned just the faintest shade of pink. “Well, if that’s what you’re callin’ me, I’m not gonna argue, Wild Cat. But if you’ve got another term in mind, I’m all ears. Like stud?”
“Christ!” she muttered.
“I like being your lad. I mean, someone’s gotta do the job, don’t they? Might as well be me.”
Her eyes narrowed, but I could see the corner of her mouth twitching, fighting a smile. “You think you’re up for it, do ya?”
I dropped my voice. “Oh, darlin’, I’m not just up for it—I’m overqualified.”
She snorted, rolling her eyes, but I caught the blush creeping up her neck. “You’re a cocky fecker, Jax Caldwell, you know that?”
I grinned wider. “Aye, but I’m your cocky fecker now, aren’t I?”
“So, you are.”
I pulled her back into my arms, and she kissed my chest. Her body was snug against mine, comfortable and comforting.
“So, is your holiday over now?” she asked almost sadly.
“I don’t want to leave,” I confessed.
“Then don’t.” Her voice was filled with tears, and I squeezed her close, feeling just as sad.
“You know what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder,” I joked.
She sniffled. “I…it’s okay…I’m fine.”
“You’re going to miss me,” I stated. “Maybe I should leave some photos of mine so you can gaze at them when you feel starved for me. Or you can just google me again.”
She yanked some of my chest hair, making me wince. “Like hell, I’ll miss you.”
“Sure, you will. When I come back, you’ll throw yourself at me and weep, demand that I never leave you ever again,” I said as if I were an actor in a movie from the thirties.
“Christ.” She rolled away from me and fell on her back. When I looked at her, I saw she was laughing, not a tear in sight. Yes!
“I’ll be back soon.”
The laughter went away as soon as my words were out.
“You don’t have to say that, Jax. I know how this works. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
Her words hit me like a slap. I rolled on top of her, caging her, nudging my half-aroused dick against her pussy. “I’m not doin’ that, darlin’.” I looked into her beautiful green eyes. “I’m coming back. I want you to trust me on that.”
Her lips pressed into a tight line even though her arms went around me. “Don’t, Jax. Let’s just have what we have now, okay?”
I saw the fear, and I hated it. She was my woman, I thought possessively, and just like that, my dick went from half-mast to full-on steel.
“I mean it.” I thrust into her and saw the flare of desire chase away her fear. “You think I’d just walk away from this—walk away from you—like it doesn’t mean anything?” I pounded into her, fast, unrelenting.
She moaned, her legs wrapped around me as her hips lifted to receive me.
I kissed her, bruised her mouth and mine, our teeth knocked against each other as frenzy caught us off guard.
“Dee, I lo?—”
“No, don’t say that, please don’t,” she moaned, cutting me off. “It doesn’t matter. Now is all we have.”
“ Bullshit ,” I snapped, feeling my orgasm pulse at the base of my spine. I slipped a hand between us and began to tap her clit hard. “You don’t get to run and hide from me. I’m here. I’m inside you. I may leave physically, but I’m in your blood, and you’re in mine. Say you understand me?”
She looked at me, tears in her eyes.
“Say it!” I ground out.
“Yes, I understand you,” she finally admitted.
“Good. Now, I’m gonna fuck you hard so you’ll feel me inside you until I come back home to you.”