Chapter 19 Kolton
Kolton
Exhaustion tore through me, sinking me into sleep as I held Sloane in my arms. I hadn’t had such an intense reaction to one of my fears in so many years, I’d begun to wonder if I was finally over it.
Not my fears and phobias, of course—those were still going strong.
Just the reaction, my uncontrollable response to the things that triggered me most.
Like fucking clowns.
Or my sister terrorizing me.
Or being locked in a tiny dark space with no way to get out.
The feel of bugs skittering over my chest had me jolting awake.
When I looked down though, it wasn’t bugs I found, but Sloane.
Her fingers were tracing down the ridges in my stomach, across the trail of hair that disappeared under the sheet that covered us both, and over the two star tattoos I’d gotten after the first time I saw her live in concert.
That had been back when she was still under Sidney Studios and seeing her in person made me fall deeper in love with her than I’d already been.
“Hey.” She peeked up at me with a smile as soft as her voice. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
A yawn overtook me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“Don’t apologize.” She cupped my cheek, smoothing her fingers along the side of my neck before she snuggled closer and laid her head back on my chest. She was still for a moment before she was at it again, tracing the ridges of my abs. “Tell me something.”
“Anything,” I said without a thought.
She stilled again but didn’t look at me. “You’ve been in dozens of elevators with me. Why didn’t you have problems before?”
My entire body felt like a deer locked in the headlights, unmoving. Each muscle in my back and neck seized before I could remind myself that I was okay. It took far too long for me to gain control of myself and force out a response.
“I, um…” I cleared my throat, shifted on the bed beneath her. Sloane peeked up at me and I shrugged. “It’s embarrassing.”
She lifted herself, scooted forward and kissed my lips. “I promise not to laugh.”
I slammed my eyes shut, scrunched my nose. “I triggered myself.”
“How?” Her voice was a whisper, her fingers like silk brushing across my cheek.
“I was”— I cleared my throat again—“trying to get rid of my erection.” I opened one eye, expecting to see a wicked grin that matched my sister’s, but it wasn’t there.
“I couldn’t help it, Sloane. You’re absolutely beautiful, and when I saw you there with your legs up and wearing that tiny little skirt and nothing but a thong on underneath… Well. I couldn’t help it.”
When I paused, I braced myself for ridicule. What I got instead was Sloane’s soft smile.
“I was trying to think of things to make it go away,” I sped on, trying to get it out before the mockery started, “but nothing was working, and I was afraid I was going to embarrass myself in front of the Sloane Rivera. So I thought about clowns.”
Her face pinched. “I hate clowns.”
My whole body shuddered. “They’re fucking terrifying.”
She leaned forward again, pressing her lips lightly to mine.
This time, she didn’t pull away. She held herself steady, until the gentle pressure of her mouth against mine had my rigid spine curving as I tugged her closer.
She opened her mouth only slightly, brushing her lips over mine until there was no more room for terror.
Her tongue slid against my own before she was licking into my mouth, deepening the kiss I never wanted to end.
My dick grew hard and desperate between us, the tip weeping in need of her tight clutch. But I couldn’t act on my desires. There was no way this was really happening to me. No way she’d want this again.
Sloane pulled away, brown eyes dark in the dim light of the room. “I’m sorry you went through all of that just because of me.”
“No.” I shook my head, shifting her until I could sit up against the headboard. “No, no, no, no, no. This is not your fault. This was completely, one hundred percent my fault.” I squeezed my eyes closed and turned my head away. “No, that’s not right.”
“What is it?” Her hand covered mine on the bed. I grabbed it and pulled it to my chest.
“It’s not my fault.” The words squeezed through my tight throat, and I felt my shoulders growing tense again. Sloane rose onto her knees beside me, putting her free hand on my shoulder and dipping her head to catch my attention.
“Talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s going on.”
If I could have taken away the worried look in her eyes, I would have. I took a deep breath, let it all out. “I was talking to my sisters in the hall before I came in and saw you.”
Her brow furrowed and she shook her head before issuing a drawn out, “Okay?”
“Kendra was telling me that I’d made a mistake, like she always does.
Saying that I never should have become a bodyguard, that not becoming a nurse was the worst decision I’ve ever made, as if she’s not the reason I couldn’t do it.
As if she’s not the reason I have trypanophobia and claustrophobia and coulrophobia and a thousand other fucking phobias. ”
“Hey, hey.” Sloane gripped my cheeks between her palms, and only then did I realize I was shaking. “It’s okay, baby. I’m right here. You don’t have to be scared.”
“Diva.” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to my chest before burying my face in the crook of her neck.
Sloane shifted her weight until she was straddling me, her thighs hugging mine as she sat on top of me.
She smoothed her hand down my head, down my neck, whispering to me that everything would be okay.
“Everything’s going to be okay.” She pressed a kiss to the side of my face. Tightened her grip around my back. “I’m right here. You’re okay.”
I sucked in a sharp breath, and Sloane’s lavender and vanilla scent filled my lungs. I held it in, imagined that scent spreading through me, calming me the way she did. When my throat didn’t feel like someone had sliced it with a knife anymore, I lifted my head to look at her.
She released her grip around my shoulders, bringing her thumbs up to wipe beneath my eyes. To wipe away the tears even a hint of a reminder of what Kendra had done to me had caused.
“She used to torture me,” I whispered, unable to speak the words any louder.
“She told me there were spiders and bugs and snakes and rats living under our house. She’d put plastic bugs in my bed while I was sleeping and squeal with joy when I awoke screaming.
She’d catch sp-sp”—I shuddered—“spiders and chase after me with them, sometimes throwing them in my hair when I wasn’t looking. And one day—”
Sloane pressed her forehead to mine, and I felt a tear splash onto my chest.
“One day, we were playing hide and seek. And she… she insisted she had the best hiding place for me. She lifted a floorboard in her and Kacie’s bedroom and shoved me down inside it before locking me in.
There were bugs in there and they crawled all over me.
Snakes and mice and other things. I pounded my fists on the walls, and I screamed and I cried but no one heard me.
Mom and Dad didn’t know. They went out to dinner, and Kendra and Kacie ran off with their friends, and when they finally pulled me out of there the next morning, I couldn’t speak for days. ”
“Kolton.” Sloane’s eyes were brimming with tears, her bottom lip trembling.
“She lied to everyone. Told them I must have crawled down there myself, that she didn’t know where I was or why I went down there. By the time I could even talk about it, they already believed every word she’d said. They always believed her, always thought everything was my fault.”
“I’m so sorry.” She brushed at my cheeks as her tears fell from her chin. I reached up, trying to wipe them away.
“Your voice was the only thing that ever brought me peace. I used to watch all the old Sidney shows just so I could see you. Hear you. You were my favorite singer long before you were writing your own songs, and when you did, it felt like you were talking right to me.”
I sniffed. Grabbed her hands and pulled them to my chest.
“I’m losing control, going out of my mind,” I sang, though nowhere near as good as her. “Wishing someone would save me from this, wishing someone could help me break free.”
My voice broke and I stopped. Closed my eyes and squeezed them shut.
Sloane leaned forward, laying her bare chest against my own as she curled her arms around my neck.
I held her tightly, as much to fend off the past as to hold on to the one thing in my life that I wanted more than anything. The one thing that helped.
“I’m so sorry, baby.” When Sloane sniffed and hugged me harder, I pressed a kiss to her head. “How could she do that to you? How could your parents let her get away with that?”
Shrugging, I looked away. “Kendra was a latchkey kid. Mom and Dad were always busy working, so she learned to take care of herself and Kacie. By the time I came around—Mom called it a happy accident—they just let Kendra do her thing. She treated me like her very own baby doll and promised our parents she’d take care of me.
And when they weren’t around, she did whatever the hell she wanted, even if it made my life hell. ”
“What about your other sister?”
I huffed out a breath, then watched my finger as I lifted it, tracing an invisible line up Sloane’s arm.
“Kacie was beaten into submission long before I was born. She learned not to step out of line and just let Kendra do what she wanted, because the consequences of not doing it were too great. When I was born, it just gave her an occasional reprieve.”
“That’s not right.” Sloane brushed her thumb across my cheekbone. “You shouldn’t have to be less than you’re meant to be just to appease a bully.”
Tongue pressing against my cheek, I looked right into her eyes. She sucked in a breath and tucked her chin.
“I’m trying.”
“I know you are, Diva. And I am too. Ever since your album came out, I’ve been trying to stand up to her more.
Your words inspired me to drop out of nursing school and do something I’d always wanted to do, despite knowing how Kendra would react to my decision.
I’m trying, every day, to live for myself, just like you say in the lyrics of your songs. ”
She let out a noise that was half-laugh, half-cry. “Well, Kolton Johns, you’re ahead of the curve on that one. It took me walking in on my boyfriend fucking my best friend for me to realize just how bad he was for me.” She paused, her brow pinched. “What?”
“What what?”
“What’s that face for? Poking your cheek with your tongue. You just did it again.”
“It’s nothing,” I tried, shaking my head, but when she raised her brow and pursed her lips, the words came tumbling out of my mouth.
“He was a horrible piece of shit, okay? Cocky and arrogant and a bad actor and horrible singer. Whenever you were near him, his dark energy sucked the light right out of you, and I couldn’t stand to see such a beautiful, wonderful, talented woman suffer at the hands of that conceited ass.
What the hell has he ever done that was worth the air he breathes? ”
Sloane’s cheeks pinked as she scrunched her nose.
“He brought me to you.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine.
“And that,” she said against my lips as her fingers traced down my sternum, down my abs, to the trail of hair that was no longer covered by that blanket, “is one of the best things that ever happened to me.”
“Fuck, Diva,” I gasped as she took my semi-flaccid dick in her hand, giving it a light squeeze that had all the blood in my body redirecting as it pumped right down to greet her between my legs. “I’ve got to be fucking dreaming.”
“If you are,” she said, lifting up onto her knees as she pumped my cock in her fist, “then we’re dreaming together, and I don’t ever want to wake up.”
I captured her mouth with mine, tugged her closer until her chest was pressed to my own, and I was just reaching around behind her to finger her clit when a knock sounded at the door.
Monica’s muffled voice sounded from out in the hall. “Sloane? Are you in there?”
“Oh, shit!” Her eyes were as large as saucers, and I was sure they were a mirror image of mine.
She scrambled off me, diving for the robe draped across the chair as I tumbled off the side of the bed and grabbed my pants.
“We can’t be seen together,” she said, echoing my thoughts yet causing a sharp pain to lash through my chest. “Kolton, I’m not ready to give you up and we can’t risk Monica canceling the contract with you because we’re together. ”
“We’re together?” I blinked at her, dumbfounded. Couldn’t move until she jumped on the bed and stood in front of me, looking down into my eyes.
“If you’ll have me,” she whispered, fingering the shirt I hadn’t quite gotten all the way on. “I really, really like you, Kolton. I think we could be good together and want to give this a shot.”
The words were barely out of her mouth before I yanked her against me, arm around her back, and crushed my lips to hers. “I fucking love you, Sloane Rivera,” I murmured before deepening the kiss for one quick moment before wrenching away. “I’ve gotta go to my room.”
“I’ll cover for you. Go lay down and rest.”
Nodding, I raced out of her bedroom and rushed to mine as she dashed through the suite to the door. I dove onto my bed just as Monica’s heels clacked on the tile floor in the entry, then grabbed my pillow and tried to smother myself with the crappy feather-filled sack.
“What the fuck!” I hissed against the cotton fabric as heat flooded my entire body until I thought I would die.
I just told Sloane that I loved her.
I’d never said anything truer in my entire life.