Chapter 10
Elena
Unlike what I had planned, I spent my Friday evening at Alex's. I thought he'd want to avoid having me over, but he’d been the one inviting me to spend the evening with him.
Leaning against the counter, I watched Alex as he sliced a cucumber. He'd decided to make homemade hamburgers, something I never ate at home. Mom didn't like wasting much time cooking after work, so she just made quick and simple dishes. It was strangely domestic having Alex cooking for us.
“So not only are you smart and handsome, but you also know how to cook,” I observed. “Assets truly aren't distributed equally at birth.”
This man is too perfect. I was beginning to feel useless next to him. Apart from sports and studying, I had nothing to measure up. Alex raised an eyebrow.
“Instead of complaining, why don’t you help me?”
“I can’t cook.”
Alex passed me a bamboo board, a knife, and some tomatoes.
“It's never too late to learn. Dice the tomatoes.”
“Yes, sir.”
I cut the first tomato as best I could and made a face at the result. Each piece of tomato had a different size and shape. Cutting the second tomato, I cut myself, like the clumsy idiot that I am. Alex looked up at me, surprised.
“Did you just manage to hurt yourself by cutting a tomato?”
“I told you I’m bad at cooking!” I exclaimed, pouting.
I sat on the countertop with my finger bandaged, leaving Alex in charge of the food. Whenever he wasn't looking, I pecked at the salad plate, stealing cucumber slices. At one point, Alex realized that the amount of vegetables was decreasing. He grabbed the salad bowl and put it out of my reach.
“If you don't cook, you don't peck.”
I sighed. “I'd better find a man who knows how to cook, or I'll starve.”
“Don't worry, I've got several recipes up my sleeve.”
“What?”
His words caught me off guard. I couldn't answer anything coherently. He didn't mean what he'd just said, did he?
“You and I are annoying, so I don't think we'll find anyone who'll want us for a lifetime. Might as well stay together.”
I knew he was joking, yet I couldn't help wondering if he meant what he said. Knowing Alex, he probably did.
“You think I'm annoying?”
“Yes. You think I'm annoying, too.”
Those words were like a slap to the face. Of course, I knew I was annoying, but hearing him say it out loud hurt.
“Not really,” I mumbled.
It was true that I didn't like the fact that he'd inserted himself into my daily life without giving me much of a choice.
Yet I'd come to enjoy his company. When he wasn't making lame jokes, Alex was kind and thoughtful.
I didn't like the fact that he found me annoying.
As always, it made me feel like I wasn't good enough.
Alex put down his knife, focusing his attention on me. “I've upset you. Why?”
How could he not understand? “You think I'm a pain in the ass. Why?”
“Because you won't let me into your life.”
I laced my fingers, looking into his eyes. He held my gaze with such force that I had to resist lowering my eyes. I had a bad feeling about the rest of the evening. But I had to know. “All right, let's be honest. If I tell you my most painful secrets, will you do the same?”
“I don't have secrets,” he replied.
Too quick, too defensive. He was lying. I was stupid, but not that stupid.
“And you said you didn't like hypocrisy.”
Alex clenched and unclenched his fist. I had gotten under his skin. Usually, nothing could disturb his cool; now cracks were becoming visible in his facade. I'd finally gotten a glimpse of the person behind the pretence, and I wasn’t sure I liked what I was seeing.
Alex was a mess, just like me. But he and I had changed in different ways.
Life had made me a scared, withdrawn girl.
Alex seemed to have a feral beast locked inside him.
And when it broke free of its chains… I didn't dare think about it.
I'd heard many whispers in the school corridors that Alex had once again lost his temper and fought someone to a bloody pulp.
They said that he became wild when anger overwhelmed him.
The more time I spent with Alex, the more I realized how little I knew about him.
The reasonable part of me whispered to let it go.
Yet I couldn't listen to myself. How was I supposed to trust Alex and build a friendship with him if he wouldn't talk to me?
“What made you this way?”
Alex crossed his arms. “What way?”
“You know...” I began, twisting my fingers. “Slightly fucked up?”
“You think I'm fucked up?”
The air around us became heavier. More dangerous.
“Aren't we all a bit messed up inside?”
“You’re probably right.”
He went back to his vegetables, like I would give up.
“What happened to you?” I asked in a small voice.
That was the last straw. Alex turned to me, jaw clenched. “Does it matter?”
Alex was becoming aggressive. A dangerous gleam danced in his eyes, and my hands began to tremble. I'd seen that kind of look countless times; it had often been directed at me. I also knew how things could go wrong in the blink of an eye if I wasn't careful.
And yet, I couldn't help but say, “Yes, it does.”
“Let it go!” he snapped, slamming his palm on the worktop.
Feeling my fear creep up on me, I decided to drop it and step back. Whatever he was hiding, it wasn't worth the risk.
“Do you think you could ever trust me enough to tell me about it?”
Staring into space, Alex lifted his chin. “It's not about trust. I don't want my past to influence your image of me.”