Chapter 15 #2
Of all their seven grandchildren, Ella and I were the only girls.
This had always meant that our grandparents pampered us a little more than the boys.
It had also been in our favour when we got into trouble.
The boys had always received the most persistent punishments, whereas Ella and I usually got away with anything.
And when Grandma or one of our parents scolded us, Grandpa always gave us sweets on the sly.
He was disappointed that I hadn't come to see him when we'd been so close.
Ella and Jade entered the kitchen, Tupperware and pie boxes in hand. My cousin jumped into my arms, then left to greet the others. Aunt Laurene turned up her nose. Ella still wore her riding outfit.
“Ella, you smell like horses.”
“That's not nice,” Ella countered, making a sad puppy face.
Aunt Laurene always had a knack for hurling barbs. I hadn't missed that part of the family. Jade ruffled her goddaughter's curly hair.
“Ella, wash up quickly,” Grandma said, kissing her cheek. “Then we'll eat.”
A few minutes later, my cousin came out of the bathroom, wearing a long Hard Rock Café T-shirt and black leggings.
She came to stand beside me, and some of my anxiety vanished.
With Grandma, Jade, and Ella by my side, I felt a little more at home.
If only Alex could be here. I took my iPhone out of my pocket and saw his message.
Alex: How’s the family party?
Elena: I expected worse (=^?ω?^=) as always
Alex: ＼(￣▽￣)／
It was the first time he used an emoji in his messages.
Was I rubbing off on him? I grinned despite myself.
The fact that he cared, even though he wasn't there, made me feel better.
This boy made me feel so much. In fact, Alex had just made me feel again.
As if the day he'd walked into my life, I'd started to live once more.
Ella hovered her head over my shoulder before turning back to me with a mischievous smirk. Oh no...
“Is Alex your boyfriend?”
“What?” I squeaked. “No, he isn’t! Why would you think that?”
Alex and I together? It seemed pretty unlikely. After all, he'd never want someone as boring and weak as me. And at that moment, I didn't have the strength to give my heart to anyone. So why did the idea of him not wanting me make my heart clench?
Ella pulled me out of my thoughts. “You seemed very close when we were over.”
“We're just friends,” I replied, keeping my eyes glued to my hands.
“Do you want him to be your boyfriend?”
I wanted to tell her no, but no sound came out when I opened my mouth.
Why couldn't I answer? It was a simple question.
Of course, Ella noticed. Barely a year younger than I was, her round cheeks and enthusiastic reactions made her look more childish than she was.
Underneath this first impression, however, was an intelligent and extremely perceptive young girl. Too perceptive.
“What are you talking about?” Jade asked as she passed us by.
“Lena's future boyfriend.”
My cheeks flushed. I'd forgotten this part of family gatherings. There was always a time to get embarrassed. Ella gave me a smug smile before changing the subject.
“Remember when you jumped off the swing and broke your wrist?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and smiled. “Remember when you pushed me too hard and I lost my balance before jumping and breaking my wrist?”
Ella pouted. “Shhhh! We agreed we wouldn’t talk about that detail anymore. Besides, it was your idea.”
“Touché.”
At the far end of the room, Grandma and Grandpa smiled as they watched us. Disobedience wasn't something I'd seen in the cards for myself. Yet here I was. Going against my mother had been a good idea. I hadn't felt this free in far too long.
***
Back at my parents' house a few hours later, I bumped into my mother in the hallway. She was the last person I wanted to see at that moment.
“How was the party?”
“Great.”
I tried not to say too much. The vaguer I could be, the better. With what I'd just learned, I didn't know where I stood. I was disappointed and angry. Two feelings that didn't mix well, and yet they often went hand in hand.
“What did you talk about?”
Mom was trying to play it cool, but this was an interrogation. I was well aware of it. An inquisition I had no desire to take part in. I ignored her and went up the stairs. Mom's footsteps echoed behind me.
“Elena, I asked you a question,” she said harshly.
It wasn't often she spoke to me like that. The audacity! I turned back to her, angrier than ever. This was the last straw.
“You forbade me to see my family for years, while all they wanted to do was get me out of this wretched place. You deliberately left me here when I had a chance to get out! And you want me to talk to you like nothing happened?”
Mom's eyes widened at my sudden outburst. All these years, I'd lived day and night with fear in my stomach, not knowing if the next time I would be the one found unconscious on the floor. And what for? Mom took a step towards me, and I stepped back.
“Elena, calm down. I can explain.”
I clenched my jaw. I planted myself in front of her and put my face level with hers. My mother had never looked so small before.
“Can you explain why you left me here, knowing it was dangerous? So tell me why you never stood up for me to Dad. Explain why you kept me from being safe.”
She opened her mouth without uttering a sound.
Just when I thought I'd hit rock bottom countless times, I realized there simply was no bottom.
Just as there was no escape for me as long as I lived here.
How could my own mother have knowingly put me in such a situation?
Sensing that she was unable to answer, or even to meet my gaze, I simply told her:
“When I'm eighteen, I'll go and live with Grandma and Grandpa.”
Without giving her time to react, I slammed the door and locked myself in the dark.