Chapter 26
Elena
Like every Thursday afternoon, we met at the Partea. This time, it was Alex's turn to order for the group.
“What do you want?” he asked.
“A classic bubble tea with tapioca pearls,” I said, grinning from ear to ear. “A large one.”
Calories don't count when it's good. At least, that's what I told myself.
“I'll have a mango bubble tea,” Nina added, her attention on her phone.
Alex raised an eyebrow before replying, “Get your own.”
Nina sputtered in protest. Sophie let her head rest in her hand—she was used to it.
“What kind of favouritism is this? Elena gets chivalry from you, but we don't? Bros before hoes!”
Alex let her simmer, pretending not to care about what she was saying, but his gaze was playful. He was pulling her leg, and Nina didn't even realize it, too offended. After a while, he seemed to take pity on her. “I'm kidding. Of course, I'll order for you.”
Sophie and I giggled.
“He was going to order for you, no matter what.”
“He fooled me, didn’t he?”
“Just a little.”
I brought my thumb and forefinger together. Nina let her head drop against the table so hard that I feared she had hurt herself.
“Elena?”
I turned to face the speaker, surprised to find Robin standing in front of me. I hadn't seen anyone from the dance school since my accident. Going there as a visitor would hurt too much.
“Robin!”
His face lit up. “I knew it was you.”
He hugged me before I had time to respond. The Elena from a year ago would have had her heart racing. Today's Elena returned the embrace without losing her nerve. Robin stepped aside, all smiles.
“We're all looking forward to your return to the studio. When will you be back?”
“The doctor has forbidden me to dance while I'm revalidating. I'm still waiting for his approval.”
The dancer sat down in Alex's seat. Some of his sand-coloured curls were unruly. It was weird not to want to run my fingers through them anymore. Nina watched us with an inquisitive eye, but I ignored her while Robin and I chatted.
“The studio feels empty without you.”
My heart clenched. I'd managed to focus on other things, and yes, by other things I meant a taciturn boy who made my head spin, but I missed dancing.
Seeing one of the members of the hip-hop club reminded me of that emptiness I'd been trying to ignore for months.
I joked to keep the mood from getting gloomy.
“Of course, I'm the best.”
Robin ruffled my hair. “I can't say you're wrong. We should grab a drink sometime, what do you say?”
I opened my mouth to agree when Alex placed another chair on my other side and sat down. The hand he let rest on my thigh didn't go unnoticed. Robin wasn't impressed, his smile unwavering.
“Whenever you want,” Alex said, holding Robin's gaze.
The tension was palpable, but only on one side. Robin rested his elbows on the table, leaning towards us. Alex's hand became heavier.
“Don’t worry, Alex, I'm not going to steal your girlfriend.”
A small part of me wished Robin had been interested in me. After all, he'd been my crush for years. On the other hand, if I'd kept obsessing over him, I might never have found Alex. Just the thought of it gave me goosebumps.
“That said, the day you screw up, I'll find you.”
I mentally prepared myself for Alex losing it. Instead, he just nodded. Robin stood up, and I followed him to the exit. From the corner of my eye, I could see Alex not letting us out of his sight.
“I was happy to see you.”
“Me too.”
Robin hugged me one last time and whispered, “I didn't expect you to choose a guy like Alex.”
Even if it was rather blunt, he wasn’t wrong. “Why?”
“I thought you'd choose someone more like yourself. Someone with your passion for dance.”
“Weird, right? And yet, Alex is exactly my type.”
He ran a hand through his curls. Alex was my type, but Robin was still a tiny bit my type, too.
“There was a time when I was your type,” he murmured, smirking.
I swallowed hard. “How do you know that?” I squeaked, mortified.
“You're too transparent when you love someone. I hope he takes good care of you.” He winked before leaving the Partea, leaving me red as a peony in the café.
I took a deep breath and went back to my friends, who were all watching me. Sophie with astonishment, Nina with incomprehension, and Alex with displeasure.
“I can’t believe it. I’m gone for five minutes and you get hit on by someone else!”
“Robin wasn't hitting on me.”
Alas. My ego would have appreciated it if he had. Alex was seething; his neck turned red.
“You could have told him you were taken.”
I knew I shouldn’t, but I wanted to annoy him a little more. “I am? Since when?”
“Not funny,” he grumbled.
“Are you jealous?” I asked innocently.
Alex clenched his jaw. He was so jealous. I love this.
“I'm not jealous.” Alex went back to the counter to get our drinks. He returned to the table without looking in my direction. I kissed his cheek, but Alex continued to ignore me.
Nina rolled her eyes.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my cheek against his. “Are you done?”
“I've already told you, I'm not jealous.”
I gave up. Nina and Sophie glanced at each other, but remained silent. Perhaps I'd taken the joke too far.
“Yeah, and I’m the queen,” I mumbled.
Even though he had been scowling mere seconds before, he laughed. “What an honour, Your Majesty.”
The sky began to darken. Once we'd finished our drinks, Alex offered to take me home.
I was about to accept when Nina interjected, “We'll bring her back.”
“I can do it,” said Alex, grabbing his car keys.
“We'll bring her back,” Nina repeated in a tone that indicated she didn't want to be contradicted.
I wanted to retort that I could very well choose who I wanted to go home with, but I kept my mouth shut. What was going on? Alex accepted and left the café. Only a couple remained at the other end of the room.
Nina turned back to me. I gave a questioning glance at Sophie, who looked just as lost as me. “Can I ask you a question?”
It wasn't often that Nina took a serious tone. I already knew I wasn't going to like what happened next. I nodded anyway, waiting to hear what she wanted to ask.
“Don't you feel like you're leading Alex on?”
My heart skipped a beat. This was the blow I'd been waiting for, only worse. I had expected an unpleasant question. This one had the same effect as a punch in the stomach. Sophie's instincts kicked in.
“It's none of our business,” said the little blonde. “You shouldn't ask such things. Lena, ignore her.”
“I just want to understand,” Nina replied. “Alex follows her around like an enamoured puppy. I'd like to know why you're giving him hope if you have no intention of going out with him.”
That was indeed what I was doing, wasn't I? I let him run after me, making promises that hadn’t led anywhere. We'd finally set things straight, gone on our first date, and that was it. Nina was right.
Her gaze softened, which made me feel even more guilty. Everyone looked at me like I was this little thing that would break at the slightest unpleasant word.
“I'm not blaming you. I just want to understand what's going on in that head of yours.”
How was I supposed to make them understand what was going on in there? The more I thought, the less clear things became. I took a deep breath, running my hands through my hair. I tugged at a few strands.
“I don't want to start a relationship with Alex while my life is a total mess,” I began, uncertain. “He's already seen things he shouldn’t have. If we date now, he'll only be more concerned, and I don't want that for him. I don't want that for myself, so if I can spare Alex, I will.”
There it was. Nina put her hand on mine.
“Don't you think that's his choice to make?”
She was right, once again. I should give Alex the choice instead of making these kinds of decisions on my own, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't inflict my life on Alex, just as I couldn't inflict the consequences on myself. I looked down at my hands, unable to meet my friends' gaze.
“I don't know. If we were together now, he'd feel even more like he has to save me. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want him to feel like he has to fix me when that’s my job.”
The image I had of my life was that of a broken vase.
I couldn't expect anyone else to try to put the pieces together.
Alex was already doing too much. If Alex fixed me, I wouldn't know how to live without him or his magic glue.
I couldn't give that power to anyone. If he ever realized that I wasn't good enough for him and decided to leave, there would be nothing left of me.
When we were together, I tried to look confident.
In reality, I was just as scared as Alex was, if not more so.
I already knew I wasn't good enough for him, but I still wanted to do my best to become better, for him and for me. That way, the day he’d realize all this, I wouldn't be completely destroyed. Alex loved me now, and I trusted him, but that didn’t mean forever.
One day, he'd figure out what he was worth, and apart from a wounded heart, I had nothing to offer him.
“You're crying,” Sophie remarked. “Well done, Nina.”
Sophie pulled me against her and stroked my hair like a mother would. The kind of mother I didn't have. I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't feel like crying in a café, even if no one was watching.
“I'm sorry,” Nina murmured.
***
Alex
Alex had texted Elena to see if everything had gone well with Nina, as the situation had seemed rather tense. For several hours, she’d been offline. That didn’t feel right. Normally, she was very responsive.
The doorbell rang, and Alex went to check. It was past ten at night. Who the fuck would come at this hour? Alex was surprised to see Elena in front of him. What was she doing here, and where had she come from? She was drenched from head to toe by the rain.
He stepped aside to let her in. Alex handed her a towel and a pair of pyjamas. She must be freezing. Instead of leaving to change, Elena stood with her clothes in hand, staring into space. Her eyes were red, like she'd been crying.
“Are you okay?”
This question shook her out of her trance. She looked around Alex's room, surprised how she'd ended up there. What had happened with Nina to make her so upset?
“Yes.”
“Tell me.”
“I'm fine.”
“If you want us to work, you're going to have to be honest with me.”
This struck a chord. Elena lowered her eyes without saying another word.
“Go get changed. We'll talk later.”
Without retaliating, Elena disappeared into the bathroom. Five minutes later, she emerged. Unlike usual, she stayed close to the door. Alex patted the spot next to him on the bed, but she hesitated. What could have happened to make her suddenly so suspicious?
“Alex, do you feel I'm leading you on?”
“Why are you asking me this?”
“Answer me.”
“Not really.”
Her shoulders slumped. Had she really walked all the way out here in the rain to ask this? Alex had thought things were going well between them. Until Nina seemed to have sown the seeds of doubt. They went round and round in circles.
“So a little.”
He came to stand in front of her and tucked one of her orange locks behind her ear. In a similar situation with someone else, Alex might have thought he was being led on like a fool. Elena was different; he knew her. And he knew she loved him, even if she wasn't ready to go any further yet.
“I don't think you're leading me on. You've been honest from the start. That doesn't mean the wait isn't long at times.”
“Sorry...”
“Don't be. I know your feelings are genuine.”
Alex spread his arms, and Elena clung to him. He felt the tension in her body dissipate. If she was here, he knew they'd be okay. Whatever was going to happen, Alex knew they were meant to be together.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I know. I love you, too.”