7. Leo
CHAPTER SEVEN
Aria and I are both silent as we go through our routine again. It's the twelfth time we've gone through it and for some reason, we can't get it right. It's not a technical issue, but more of a unison issue. Our timing is off when we break apart. Something is just off between us right now, and I can't quite put my finger on what the issue is. The tension hanging in the air is so damn thick you couldn't even cut it with a knife. A chainsaw would be the most appropriate tool to cut through the thickness right now.
As we skate around the end of the rink again, Aria glances over her shoulder as I grab her hips. She gets into position and I lower my knees as I hurl her up into the air. She spins three times before she begins to drop down toward the ice. Aria lands the jump perfectly and instantly begins to skate without missing a beat. I lose an edge and stumble as I skate after her. It throws off the entire routine and I'm a few fractions of a second behind her as we both begin to spin in spirals.
Aria comes out of her spiral before me and I see her from the corner of my eye as I begin to slow down. She isn't moving and instead, she's standing there staring at me as I come out of my spin. My chest heaves as I suck in a mouthful of oxygen and stop skating. Disappointment is written across her face and she purses her lips slightly.
"What's wrong?" I ask her breathlessly. I already know the answer, but I want to hear what she has to say about it.
She lets out an exasperated sigh. "You tell me. Why are we off right now?"
I shrug because I genuinely don't have the answer to that question. We hadn't been skating together for long but this was the first time either of us had experienced this disconnect together. So far every time we had skated, it was nothing short of perfection. I don't know if there's some kind of pressure that is hidden beneath everything. We both know we have to perform at an elite level. "I don't know," I tell her honestly. "Maybe it's just an off day. Our timing isn't right."
"We can't have off days." There's nothing playful in her voice. Aria's spine is rigid and her jaw is set. It almost takes me by surprise with how she's acting. I know how she's feeling right now, but we're not in a competition. Mistakes will be made and that's okay. She's clearly under a lot of stress, but we both are.
I tilt my head to the side as I let my arms hang loosely at my sides. "Aria, it's okay. Everyone has days where they are off a little bit. We're still new in the process of skating together, so I think this is normal. We will get it right."
"We have to," she says with irritation in her tone. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before she opens them again. Her shoulders fall as she exhales and looks back at me with a softer expression. "I'm sorry. I'm stressed, I'm anxious. We have less than two weeks now to perfect this if we want to have a chance at winning. We just have to get this right by then and we cannot fuck it up at the competition."
"I promise you, the competition will be fine. Everything will work out and we will do great, okay?"
She shakes her head at me, like she's refusing to believe the words I'm speaking to her. "You don't get it, Leo. It has to be perfect. We have to be perfect."
There it is.
She's a perfectionist. I didn't realize the extent of it until now. I always used to notice how much time she spent on the ice practicing the same things over and over again. I thought it was just because she liked to win and she wanted to be the best at what she was doing. I didn't know it had to do with her having to have everything perfect.
"Things aren't always perfect, Aria. They don't always have to be."
Her eyes widen slightly and she stares at me like I have three heads. She swiftly shakes her own head as she uncomfortably shifts her weight on her feet. "It's better if they are."
"Let's take a break?" I suggest as I motion toward the door. This isn't good for either of us right now. A break would be better, mentally and physically. That way we can almost do a bit of a reset before we get back on the ice. "We have unlimited ice time to practice, so it isn't going to hurt us if we just take a little bit of time to collect ourselves."
"I don't need to take a break."
I stare at her, the muscle in my jaw twitching. She's incredibly stubborn and her perfectionism isn't helping in this moment. "Forget I asked you then. We are taking a break, Aria. It's not up for debate."
A worried look passes through her expression. "We need to use this time sensibly. If we're not on the ice practicing every second that we can, what are we even doing this for?"
"Aria." Her name feels good rolling off my tongue, but I don't like the stern way I say it. "Get off the ice. This isn't going to be productive for anyone."
She stares me down in a challenging way. I don't back down and I don't falter. Instead, I close the distance between us, half blocking her from skating anywhere else in the rink. Aria huffs and she's visibly irritated. It rolls off her in waves and she gives me a dirty look before finally caving. "Fine. I'm not going to argue with you, but that doesn't mean I agree with you or like this at all."
"I don't care," I tell her as she turns away from me and skates over to the door. "You're not thinking straight and this is what we both need whether you want to admit it or not."
She looks at me over her shoulder as I follow her off the ice. "You don't know what I need, Leo."
I don't respond and instead walk past her as I head over to the bench. Aria is purposely slow, like she's dragging her feet to make a point. The silence is deafening as we sit side by side and I begin to take my skates off. Aria doesn't move to unlace hers. Instead, she sits there with her hands in her lap and stares out at the rink.
"Take your skates off," I tell her as I put my skate guards on mine and put them in my bag. "We're going to go get some food and then we will come back."
She sighs and complies without challenging me. It's almost as if she's defeated, yet the annoyance is still radiating from her. I can't help it as the corners of my lips lift in the slightest as I watch her untie her skates and take them off. She wipes the snow and ice from the blades before putting on her skate guards and placing them in her own bag. I slide my feet into my sneakers and wait for her to finish up.
Aria puts on her shoes and stands up before she looks up at me. "You're buying."
A chuckle rumbles in my chest and I don't bother fighting the smile as I look into the swirling gray hues of her eyes. "Come on," I nod my head toward the exit, "I'll even drive too."
"Good," she says, her voice warm and soft. She's still clearly annoyed with me, but she has softened a bit.
Her struggle with being perfect is something that seemed to cause her a bit of distress. The anxiety was evident in her face when I told her that we were taking a break. It's not my business and I shouldn't care, but for some reason, it bothers me seeing her like that. If she's going to be my partner, whether I like her or not, part of my responsibility is making sure she's safe.
Even if it means keeping her safe from herself.
We head out into the parking lot and Aria follows me to my car. There were a few other skaters at the rink, all practicing to get ready for the upcoming competition. Figure skating is the type of sport that requires hours upon hours of practice. Aria and I really need to make sure we get in as much ice time right now as we can. We are at a slight disadvantage considering the fact that we’re a new pair. Most of the other skaters have been skating together for years.
Aria and I have the chemistry and all the right tools to make this partnership work, but we still have a lot of work to do.
"Your car is abnormally clean," Aria muses out loud as she sits down in the passenger's seat and shuts her door. I look over at her as she buckles her seat belt. "Did you just get it or something?"
I raise an eyebrow as I glance at her while securing my own seat belt. "No. I just make sure I clean it regularly."
"Weird," she mumbles before looking out the window. She's in a weird mood now and I'm not sure how to play this. It's like her anxiety has made her irritable.
I'm genuinely curious now. "Is yours not clean?"
"No, it is," she tells me as she looks back at me. I turn on the engine and pull my car out of the parking spot. She leans forward and wipes her finger along the dashboard. I watch her from the corner of my eye as she inspects her fingertip for any dust. "It's just a little more lived-in than yours."
I don't bother saying anything else to her about the car. She's not happy with me right now, and that's okay. She doesn't realize it, but everything will be okay. I don't like losing any more than she does. I also know that stress has the ability to leave you crippled. When you're under an immense amount of pressure and stress, that's when you're more likely to fuck up. I need Aria to be at her best, and the woman I was skating with not long ago was not at her best.
I don't want to be the cause of Aria's anxiety. I don't want to be the cause of her stress. As much as I like getting a rise out of her and pissing her off, this isn't how I want it to be.
We drive into the heart of town and I pull my car up along the curb in front of the local coffee shop. Freckled Hen is the only one on this side of town and in my opinion, they have some of the best brunch food. They also have a lot of vegetarian options and I know Aria doesn’t eat meat. She's distant, almost as if she's lost in her own mind as I put the car in park and kill the engine. I watch her for a moment as she drops her gaze down to her lap and undoes her seat belt.
As she reaches for the door, I reach out to grab her arm. She looks down at my hand on her forearm before her gaze meets mine. "Hey. If you don't want to eat here, we can get our food to go." I pause for a second. “I can go in and order for you if you’d rather that. They have a lot of vegetarian options here.”
Her eyes soften and she shakes her head. "No, I want to eat here."
I nod, quickly releasing her arm before I undo my own seat belt. Aria doesn't give me a chance to open her door for her and a part of me is glad. My grandmother would have scolded me up and down for not being a gentleman and opening it for her. I didn't want Aria to get the impression that this was some kind of a date. We're not friends. We're just two people stuck working together who decided to come get some food.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Aria and I walk up to the front door and the bell dings as I pull it open and hold it for her to walk in first. Her perfume invades my senses as she steps past me and I instinctively take a deep breath, breathing her smell in. I fall in step behind her and we walk up to the counter. Aria looks up at the menu on the wall behind the baristas and I do the same. There are two other people in line and the smell of fresh coffee fills the entire shop. I glance around, looking for an empty table, when I find one over in the back corner. It's pretty busy, but that’s to be expected at this time of day.
We both order and I pay for our food before grabbing one of the small signs with the number eight on it. I point to the table in the back and Aria heads in that direction. As we approach it, I lengthen my stride so I can get to the table before her. Extending my arm, I wrap my fingers around the top of the chair and pull it back for her. Aria pauses and raises a curious eyebrow at me. She doesn't say anything as she sits down, but I notice the pink tint creeping across the tops of her cheekbones as she ducks her head.
I step to the other side and take a seat across from her. Aria folds her hands in her lap and her gaze meets mine. Her face is free of any makeup, her hair pulled up in a tight bun on top of her head. She looks absolutely beautiful. I could stare at her all fucking day.
"I'm sorry for being bitchy," she says, her voice quiet. "When things don't go the right way, it makes me really anxious and I get irritable. It's better if I keep my distance from people when I'm feeling like that."
My eyes slowly search her face before settling back on hers. "You don't have to apologize, Ari. Believe it or not, I understand." I take a deep breath, exhaling before I start to talk again. "We're both under a lot of pressure right now, but stress is never good for anyone. You know as well as anyone else that in this sport, your physical health isn't the only thing that is important. Your mental health is equally as important."
"My mental health is fine," she tells me, her voice a bit clipped. "It was just a moment I was having."
Her guard is up and there's no breaching the walls right now. I don't want to piss her off any more, so I simply nod. "I wasn't saying your mental health is not good. I just don't want to see your need for things to be perfect to be an added stressor."
Aria chokes out a laugh as someone walks up to our table with our drinks and food. Aria ordered a garden salad and I got a cup of soup and half a sandwich. She waits until the girl disappears from our table before she starts to talk again. "That's easier said than done." She pauses for a moment and takes a sip of her drink before her eyes search mine. Vulnerability etches itself in her facial features. "What if I don't know how to not be perfect?"
Hearing her ask that question has my chest and throat tightening. I don't like how it feels. I don't like the way her eyes are glossier than normal. I shouldn't care—I can't care. Aria is in my life for one reason and one reason only—so we can win.
But I can't not help her, not when she's looking at me like that with those big gray eyes.
Goddamn her. I'm not supposed to like her. I'm not supposed to be growing soft for her.
"No one is perfect, Aria. We all have flaws and we all fuck up from time to time." I pause, trying to search for the right words. I don't know how to respond to her question because I don't have the magic answer for her. "You can't live your life under the assumption that you have to be perfect in every aspect of your life. All it will do is bring you disappointment. It will destroy you over time."
"I don't know how to be okay with that," she admits, her voice barely audible. "I am my biggest critic. No one is harder on me than myself."
I may not be a perfectionist like she is, but I used to be the same way. When it came to skating, if I didn't perform well, I would literally beat myself up for it. Especially that time I fell and Griffin won. I snuck into the rink that night and skated for hours, practicing the same jump over and over until I eventually threw up. As I got older, I realized this wasn't healthy and it wasn't benefiting me at all. It wasn't a change that happened overnight, but I learned that we all make mistakes and there is no sense in harping on them. All we can do is do better the next time.
That didn't always apply to competitions, but that was a different beast. I still allowed myself to be frustrated if I fucked up during a competition, but eventually I would move on from it. I had to.
"We are all our biggest critics, but if you can quiet that voice a little bit, you'll be able to see how good you actually are."
Her lips part and she quickly clamps them shut before ducking her head again. Her expression is unreadable when she looks back up at me. She takes a deep breath, exhaling it slowly as she nods. "Thank you, Leo." A nervous laugh escapes her. "I didn't know you could be this nice to people."
The corners of my mouth twitch and I blow air out through my nose. "This moment is just a glitch in the matrix. Don't get used to it."
Aria's face is bright as she smiles at me and laughs more comfortably. The sound is like music to my ears and I want to hear it on repeat, playing just for me. "Noted."
"I'm going to be bold here for a second," I tell her as I finally pick up my spoon and slide it into my soup. The liquid sloshes along the sides of the cup but it doesn't spill out. "I promise you we will get in sync before the competition. We will get our routine down and we will skate better than any other pair there."
"You really think so?" she asks me as she lifts up her fork and spears the lettuce on her plate with it.
I take a bite of my food and swallow it as I watch her eat her own. Her lips wrap around her fork and she slides it out of her mouth. "Do you trust me?"
She doesn't break eye contact as she stares at me for a beat. There's a pregnant pause before she finally nods. "I do."
"Then trust me when I say, I know so." My gaze penetrates hers with the same intensity. "We won't be perfect, but we will be the closest thing to it."