SIXTEEN
Maeve
“Wow, Maeve, this setup is wild.” Finn is scanning the room, marveling at how I’ve rearranged things. We’re still in our sex dungeon of a studio, but with Leo’s help I’ve hidden the cameras inside of the walls. You can see small cutouts where the lenses are, but otherwise they’re unobtrusive and it makes the room feel less like a recording studio, more like somewhere we’re just hanging out.
“I think it’ll inspire our guests to open up even more. These big name guests are media trained, so I feel like it’s harder for them to be vulnerable in front of the cameras. Now they’ll hopefully forget the cameras are even here.”
Finn walks up to the wall and peers inward toward the camera. The cutout is perfectly sized for the lens, so he can’t see beyond it. “How do you adjust them?”
I walk forward and press on the wall to the right of the camera, in the same way we’ve learned to press to open the door. The hidden door slides open gently, revealing the camera on a tripod. “Voilà!” I exclaim.
Finn golf claps. “How long did this take you? I would’ve helped.”
I close the door, then walk around the table and drop into my seat. “That’s the best part. It took maybe an hour of me explaining my vision to Leo and the Streamify in-house team. And then they just did it.”
“Well, as always, you’re ten steps ahead of me.”
Before I can respond, Leo knocks on the door and then leads Graham in. “Graham! How are you?” Finn pats him on the back.
Graham looks mildly awful. He has dark circles under his eyes and looks thinner than when we last saw him, but his face is puffy, as though he’s been either drinking too much or crying. “Nice to see you again,” I add.
Graham nods morosely. “Did you get my email?” His eyes are glued to mine, as though he thinks I’m the one person who can get him out of the doghouse.
I nod as I grab Graham’s mic pack and hand it to Finn. “We did! And we think we can help.” Graham’s focus remains directed on my response as Finn snakes the lav mic cord under his shirt and pins it to the inside of his collar. He clips the mic pack to Graham’s waistband and ushers him toward his seat facing us.
“Really?” He reaches into the pocket of his sweats and pulls out a Tiffany’s box and pops it open. There’s a monster ring inside, at least five carats with diamonds studded around it. “I got a ring. Should I propose? Maybe that’ll sweep over it?”
Finn quietly gets up and starts opening the camera compartments to check if we’re recording, while I reach over to Graham and gently close the ring box. “Let’s not jump the gun here, Graham.”
Finn sits down and leans toward me. “Recording,” he whispers.
I catch his eye for just a second, so he knows I’m on the same page. No intro, diving straight in. We can film a pickup intro at the end, since clearly right now Graham is an anxious wreck. It feels good to be working together again. “So, Graham, I just want to recap the situation to make sure we’re all on the same page about exactly what happened.” And so our listeners know what the heck we’re talking about, since they won’t have read his letter. “You and your girlfriend, Tif, were going strong. You were planning to propose at your first Super Bowl. Before you even know if you’re in the playoffs, Tif gets pregnant. You decide to wait to propose, hopefully after winning the Super Bowl. Then you do get to the Super Bowl, but you, ah, don’t win, and don’t propose. Tif has the baby, and you two are having a bit more conflict. Then three weeks ago you showed up baked to your daughter’s christening, and since then you’ve been sleeping in the guesthouse.”
“Exactly!” Graham exclaims. “I don’t know what to do. She wouldn’t come to the gala with me. She says she goes off actions, not words, and mine don’t line up, and her mom always told her I wasn’t serious, and she was right. But I’m so serious. I’ve loved Tif since we were sixteen.”
I nod, my face placid, trying to keep him calm. “Got it. And we know you tried apologizing. Do you remember exactly what you said?”
Graham pulls out his phone and scrolls to the texts. “‘Babe, I’m so sorry. I got the date wrong, and then by the time you texted I could only sober up so much. It’ll never happen again.’” Finn visibly winces beside me and Graham’s eyes bug out in alarm. “What, man! I apologized!”
I pause, giving Finn a chance to jump in. “I know, I know,” he says. “Before meeting Maeve I might have said the same thing. But you didn’t take responsibility for your actions, you know? I mean, come on, I’m sure she told you when it was. Maybe you had an invitation on the fridge too? And if I had to bet, I’d guess she told your assistant, who put it in your calendar. You explained how it happened, instead of acknowledging her feelings and that you understand why your actions hurt her.”
“Do you want to try rephrasing the apology?” I ask. “Not to send; just as an exercise.”
Graham tilts his head. “Sure, sure. I think I see what you mean. How about, ‘Babe, I’m sorry. It was messed up of me to be careless with the times. It won’t happen again.’”
“That’s a good start!” I say encouragingly. “Mind if I tell you what I might like to hear?”
“Yes, please !”
I glance toward Finn for an instant, without meaning to, then tear my eyes back to Graham. If Finn knows how to apologize so well, how come he never managed to do it with me? But I take a deep breath and force my focus back to the episode. “A good apology acknowledges what you did wrong, how it impacted the other person, and how you’ll change what you did in the future. So something like: ‘Babe, I am so sorry. I love you and our daughter so much, and I recognize that not showing up to a once-in-a-lifetime milestone like this makes it seem like I’m not serious about this family, and it probably makes you feel like all the hard work you’re putting in to raise our amazing daughter is not appreciated. I will not act this carelessly with your time and feelings again. I know words are cheap, and I will make sure that my actions in the coming weeks, months, and years reflect how I feel, which is that you and our daughter are the most important part of my life. I will prioritize family time, take initiative and plan things for us to do, and make sure to express gratitude for you and your work.’”
The room is silent for a moment after I finish, and I wonder if this apology was too much. And then I try to quash that thought. Women are always made to feel they should downplay their emotions, try to placate their boyfriend’s negative feelings that are a result of their own bad behavior. He should be giving a thorough apology! Graham breaks the silence first. “Can we play that back? I want to write it down.”
I smile. “You can listen to the episode when it airs if you want. But the point of this is to help you develop your own skills. It’s better if you think about acknowledging her feelings and how you impacted her and create your own apology from there.”
“And then whip the ring out?”
“You know, let’s talk about the ring, the whole proposal,” Finn says. “Why didn’t you propose at the Super Bowl?” He looks genuinely curious as he asks this. I wonder if he ever thought he might propose to Cassidy. Their summer in Europe was so romantic, and given that she’s been his maybe someday since they were nine, it’s not that outrageous to think he might have brought a ring to Rome. I was more shocked to hear from TMZ that they’d broken up than I’d have been if he’d dropped to one knee.
“I lost man. I couldn’t propose after losing.”
“Do you think her answer would have been different?” I ask. I like where Finn is going with this.
“No. But I wanted to show her how great our life together will be. That I’m a winner.” I bump Finn’s knee under the table. During our negotiation meetings with networks, this was our signal to let the silence sit, to see what the other person says when we let them talk themselves out. Finn presses his knee back into mine and I feel a thread unravel somewhere deep inside me, because I know that even though this is supposed to just be a truce, he’s slowly working his way back in. And at my core, I want him to.
After a moment of silence, Graham continues talking. “I wanted it to be perfect. Back in high school, she wouldn’t date me. She said she was too smart to be spending all her time and energy on a boy when she could spend it on her own dreams. Even in college, she only let me take her out once she had a job offer for after graduation. And now … this life is hard for her. Being a WAG is a lot of work, which people don’t realize. I don’t want her to think I’m expecting her to put her dreams aside for me. That’s why I told her we should hire a nanny! So she can go back to work. I want her to know I’m not a loser who will bring her down. But at the Super Bowl I literally lost, so I couldn’t propose then.”
I nod, keeping eye contact with Graham. “It sounds like you might have some nerves over whether Tif will accept your proposal. And so by proposing after a literal win, you wanted to show her you bring value to the relationship.” Graham nods, blinking rapidly as the rims of his eyes become red.
“What do you think bringing value to the relationship looks like from Tif’s perspective?” Finn asks. “Like, when you’re not fighting, do you think when she thinks to herself, wow, Graham adds so much to my life, I’m so happy we’re together , she’s thinking about you being successful at football? Or something else?”
I nudge Finn’s knee with my own. That was a great question. He gives me all the credit, but he’s great with people. And sometimes, when I want to tell a guy what to do after hearing a Question of the Week, or a story from a friend, because I think they’re making boneheaded decisions that make no sense, Finn is able to break through to why they’re thinking that way. And together we can give both halves of a perfect response.
“She doesn’t give a shit about the money or the football stuff, other than that she wants me to achieve my goals. She tells me what she cares about. She likes that I listen to her talk about her work—she’s a journalist, and she’s so talented. I love hearing her talk about it, she gets so excited and it’s amazing. And she likes that we travel to new places together during the off season. And that we both care about our families and our faith.”
“And what do you value about her?”
“She makes me a better man every day. She helps me think about things I never would otherwise, like about people who are different from us. My charity work with The Human Rights Campaign is all thanks to her. She’s kind. She has her own thing, you know? Her own passions. She’s smarter than I’ll ever be. What I love most about our daughter is that she’s half Tif, and that Tif is raising her and teaching her how to be a good person. No one is a better mom than Tif.”
I’m tearing up now. I blink rapidly. “Graham. Don’t propose now. But don’t wait for a Super Bowl win either. Football is not an important part of your relationship. Your best proposal is one that is honest, where you tell her what you just told us. And I’m not saying do it now, because first you need to apologize properly and win back her trust, so that when you propose she knows it’s because you want forever with her, not because you want to sweep a fight under the rug.”
“Can I do it here?”
“Do what?” Finn asks.
“Apologize. On air.”
Finn and I look at each other. “Sure. But when you call her, you have to tell her you’re on air. If she wants to keep it private, then you should respect that.”
“Of course.” Graham pulls out his phone to call her and I see that she’s his pinned contact. It’s a small thing, but navigating to her number is so intuitive to him that I can tell he calls her constantly, and I love it. It’s the little things like that that make up a great relationship. I point at the table and he rests the phone on it.
“Graham? Aren’t you on that show right now?” Tif’s voice is quiet through the speakers, and I take my lav mic off and place it next to the phone speaker so it’ll pull her sound while they’re talking.
“I am. Baby, I’ve been talking to them about how badly I messed up. We’re still recording, but I was wondering if I could apologize.”
Tif snorts. “This should be good. Go right ahead.” She sounds pissed. I wonder how many times he’s made the fight worse through poorly constructed apologies and lack of communication.
Graham inhales deeply. I can see the tension in his shoulders. “Tif, I am so sorry. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You make me better every day. I am so sorry I disappointed you. You work so hard to raise our daughter, and I can’t imagine a better mom. I pray every day that our daughter is as passionate as you are about her goals, as smart as you are, as focused. It was so careless of me to forget about her christening and to show up in that state. There is no excuse for it, and I shouldn’t have tried to give one. That was about me trying to feel better about dropping the ball, not apologizing for not being there for our family. I will spend every day with you going forward trying to be the man you deserve, because I know you’re the best woman on this earth.”
“Graham,” she says softly.
“I have more!” he interjects. “I know the past year has been hard. You’re an amazing mom, but I also can’t wait to see you working again, because it lights you up. Baby, I never want you to doubt for a second that I’m always going to be committed to you and our family. Forget football, you and our little girl are my life. I am so sorry for my actions, and I hope over time you can forgive me as I earn back your trust. I love you.” He ends the speech with a huge exhale, and we all lean into the phone with bated breath.
“I love you, too,” Tif says finally. “And I appreciate the apology. I’m looking forward to moving forward from this together.”
Graham wipes away a tear silently. “Tif, thank you for giving me another chance. And I’m sorry for all the times I made excuses the past few weeks. I didn’t realize what I was doing was a faulty play.”
“I appreciate that,” Tif says softly. The line is silent for a moment, before she speaks again. “And Maeve? I know this apology was all you. Thank you for teaching him how to express what he means.”
Finn pulls his lav mic off and holds it in front of me, so my audio will be picked up cleanly. “That’s what we’re here for. Teaching men emotional intelligence so their partners don’t have to.”
Tif laughs, and Graham chats with her for a few minutes longer while Finn and I re-mic ourselves. Once he’s off the phone, Finn jumps in. “Now, Graham, since that’s out of the way … let’s talk locker-room talk. What goes down in there? And how do you respond when someone says something that isn’t cool?”
We dive into the next segment, with Finn leading the way, and for the first time since we started recording together at Streamify, it feels good to be working together again.