EIGHTEEN
Before the Streamify contract
Maeve
“What are we looking for again?” Finn asks, as he trails behind me while I comb through the racks of the third Housing Works of the day with laser-focused precision.
I don’t look up, instead carefully inspecting the seams on a Ralph Lauren sweater. “We’re not looking for anything. We’re just looking , in case we find something.”
This is Finn’s first thrift store crawl and he clearly is having trouble grasping the concept. I shouldn’t be surprised, since I don’t think he’s worn anything used in his life. “I don’t get it,” he mutters. “My mom’s stylist can source whatever you’re looking for. What should I be looking out for?”
I put the sweater back on the rack definitively. “I told you, I’m not looking for anything. I’m just looking in case we find a treasure. And that’s the fun part! Having someone source a specific item, one, probably is not a good deal and, two, takes away the thrill of the hunt. It’s only fun if you find something that’s, like, an obscene deal.”
I lead Finn over to the massive jackets rack. “Now just look through.”
He halfheartedly starts pushing through the jackets. “Maybe I need an example.”
“It literally isn’t hard. Just look for something stunning, or from a good brand, then inspect it and check the price to see if it’s a good deal.” I pull a jacket out with a flourish. “Like this! This is vintage men’s Burberry, which is an incredible find. But it’s missing the belt and is too big for me, so I would need it tailored. Which is only worth it if the price is incredible, which, at Housing Works, it probably is.” I check the tag. “Four fifty. Not worth it. But if it was one fifty? Treasure!”
Finn takes the jacket from me and looks it over skeptically. He winces at a stain on the collar that would totally come out with dry cleaning. “Do you want to go to the Burberry store? I’ll get you the jacket as an early birthday gift. And it’ll have a belt and be clean.”
“That’s not the point. This is for fun!”
Before I can dive deeper into the dopamine rush I get from finding something good, I hear a gasp from behind us, and before I even turn around I know what’s coming.
“Oh my god! Maeve? And Finn? Holy fuck! I can’t believe it’s actually you!”
It’s a group of three young women, one of whom is now filming us on her cell phone. I grin. “It’s really us! It’s so great to meet you!”
I hug each of them in turn, and then Finn does the same. We’ve never met these women, but just like every time this happens—which lately is almost every time we step outside—the vibe is more reunion between friends than fans meeting podcast hosts.
“I’ve been watching your show ever since episode three and it is literally so epic! I finally confronted my cheating ex and now I’m single and thriving!”
One of the other women jumps in. “You did my question on Questions of the Week last month! I wrote in asking how to explain responsive desire to my boyfriend, and it totally worked. Also, your episode about blow jobs is literally life-changing.”
“Well, we’re happy to help,” I acknowledge with a smile. “It really means so much to meet you all and hear that.”
“Want to go out?” the woman who originally recognized us asks. “We were just stopping in here on the way to the Bachelor bar!”
“Let’s do it!” Finn agrees quickly.
I roll my eyes. “He doesn’t understand the joys of thrifting.”
“We’ve gone to six stores in the last three hours. I think if I was going to find the joy, it would’ve happened,” he retorts as he throws an arm around my shoulder and squeezes it. “Besides, who knew there was a Bachelor bar? This is my first season watching the show with you, so I may as well get the full experience.”
“He loves it,” I stage-whisper to the women conspiratorially.
Fifteen minutes later, we’re in a bar that is completely packed and decked out for The Bachelor . There’s a bracket made out of printouts of the contestants’ faces on the wall, a kiss tally on a whiteboard behind the bar, and custom drinks for each of the remaining three contestants. I’ve never been either and am totally blown away by it, but I can barely take it all in because it seems like every single woman in this bar watches Tell Me How You Really Feel .
Finn and I have done shots with seemingly everyone in the place, taken at least a hundred selfies, and heard more stories about how our show has helped people’s relationships than I can count. Since we record at home, just us, the size of our audience and the impact of the show doesn’t feel real until we’re somewhere like this.
Right now, for example, an incredibly drunk couple is crying as they tell me how episode thirty-seven prompted them to both reveal their feelings for each other, and come out to their respective families. “I just can’t imagine what our life would look like without the show,” one of them gushes. She pulls her girlfriend closer to her. “I never would have said anything to Maria; I’d still be living a lie at home. And we never would have tried nipple play!”
Without warning, Maria launches herself forward and tries to hug both Finn and me at the same time. “We love you! And your custom lube!”
After we’ve thanked them, Finn grabs my hand and pulls me toward the bathroom. The line for the women’s is long, but he pulls us both into the men’s and into the handicapped stall. “This is incredible,” he whispers. “But we also have to get out of here before another girl asks me to sign her breasts.”
I nod and start tearing up. “This is … I can’t believe it. Every single person here listens to the show. I’m so happy, I just can’t believe this is real.”
Finn is only inches away from me in the tiny stall. He reaches down and wipes the tear off my cheek. “This is you, Maeve. You’re changing their lives.”
The tears are coming faster than he can wipe away now, and he pulls me into his chest. Eventually my tears subside, and I pull away, leaving two mascara stained spots on his white T-shirt. “I’m just happy,” I say quietly. “This is all so much bigger than I ever imagined.”
“It’s only going to get bigger.” Finn hugs me again for a moment, resting his chin on top of my head. It feels too good for him to hold me like this. We’re friends. Just friends. But this podcast has brought us closer than I ever imagined, and although the premise started as debriefing each other on our dates and giving sex and relationship advice, lately we’ve done more advice and questions and haven’t brought up dates. He’s probably just busy, or picky, but I haven’t wanted to go on dates, because I want to spend every night hanging out with him. It scares me how much I care about him, when I know I can’t have him. He’s never liked me like that and he could have anyone . When he could have the most famous, beautiful, talented, rich women in the world, there’s no way someone normal like me stands a chance. That’s probably why we’ve been able to be friends for so long.
But when I stare into his eyes, it always takes my breath away.
I pull away and look up at him, needing to end the hug before I say something embarrassing that I regret. “Should we make our escape? We’ll have to basically run out, or else we’ll spend the next five hours talking to people.”
Finn nods resolutely. “On three. One, two, three!”
He pushes open the stall door and I rush out ahead of him. He wraps his arm around me and helps propel us through the crowd. At the door I grab his arm to stop him and turn around, to see that at least ten people are filming us and almost the whole bar is watching our departure. “Thank you all so much! We love you so much! Also I think Poppy is going to win the show!”
That gets a resounding cheer, and so with that we turn and start running down the street, overcome with laughter. It’s now dark, and raining lightly, so when we turn the corner Finn pulls us under an awning while he calls an Uber. “Your place? We still have to see who he sends home.”
“Perfect.” I’m tucked in front of him, his arms making a circle around me while he’s using his phone. I don’t think I can remember ever feeling so safe and happy.