23. Lydia #2
Katie’s back is to me, red hair cascading down her bare back.
She never even glances up. But Eli does.
His eyes find me over her shoulder, widening in shock, then shifting into a guilt I’ve seen too many times before.
In the next instant, he throws Katie sideways, snatching at the blanket with one hand, stumbling for his boxers with the other.
Katie shrieks as she tumbles to the floor; a mess of fake-tanned limbs and betrayal is all I see.
Eli is already scrambling toward me, barefoot, half-dressed, and stuttering my name.
I walk back into the hallway slightly, still in front of his door.
“Lydia, wait—”
“Don’t.” My voice sounds calm, which surprises me. “Don’t you dare touch me.”
Katie is on her feet now, clutching the sheet to her chest. “Lydia? Oh—my God—this isn’t—”
“Shut up.” It comes out flat and lethal.
Eli tries to get me to come back inside, away from the open doorway, away from the cluster of curious faces that have started peeking out from rooms up and down the hall.
“Babe, please. I can explain. Just talk to me—”
“Talk?” A bitter laugh escapes me. “Talk like you talk to her with your dick inside her? Or talk like you talk to me with your fists? Which one, Eli?”
Confusion takes over Katie’s mascara-smeared, stupid face as she pulls her shirt on. “What is she talking about?”
“Oh, you didn’t know?” I keep my eyes pinned on the boy in front of me, but the words are for her. “The boy you’re so obsessed with likes to hit women. I guess you were just eager to be next, huh?”
“Lydia, stop,” Eli hisses. I watch as he gets nervous, and the facade starts slipping. “That’s not true—”
“Really?”
Katie takes a step backward. “Eli—did you—”
Eli spins on her, getting angry now. “Go.”
“You said she was—”
“Get dressed and get the fuck out of here,” he snaps.
Katie sputters something about me being crazy and calling an Uber as she grabs her jeans and bolts past me.
Eli turns back, jaw flexing, and suddenly the door frame feels too close. Nothing feels safe. I step away, but he snatches my wrist—the rare unbruised patch of skin he hasn’t hurt.
“Let me explain.”
His roommate—Jonah—appears behind him, eyes wide and concerned under his backwards cap. “Bro, you good?”
“Fine,” Eli snaps. Then, softer for our new guest. “She and I just need to talk.”
Jonah stares at my wrist in Eli’s grip, and I make a show of yanking it free. “Don’t worry, Jonah. I’m leaving.”
We were gaining an audience now—girls in glitter tops, guys with solo cups in their hands, all of them craning to see what’s happening and being nosy. I shove past them all toward the stairs, and Eli follows.
“Please, babe, wait—”
I hit the parking-lot door, and the cold winter air slaps my cheeks. He catches up with me, stopping at one of the light posts, breath coming out in clouds from the cold. “Katie showed up after the game. I was drunk. It didn’t mean anything. I promise!”
“What about when you slept with her after prom? That didn’t mean anything either?
All this time that you’ve lied to me didn’t mean anything?
Our relationship surely didn’t mean anything…
but I’ve known that for a long ass time now; that isn’t breaking news like me finding out from Harper that you slept with Katie after prom…
the same day we made up and had sex. How disgusting are you?
Oh, wait!” I say, snapping my fingers. “I bet all the bruises you’ve put on me meant nothing either.
Wow, look at that. It just all goes away now because it didn’t mean anything.
” My voice cracks. “Tell me, Eli, how many times does it not mean anything before it means something? And I know you asked her to come here tonight, so cut the shit.”
He scrubs a hand over his face, eyes wet and desperate. “Lydia! Please, don’t do this! I’ll get help. Anger management. Therapy. Whatever you want.”
“I want you gone.”
The words ache on my tongue, but I truly mean them this time.
He steps closer, lowering his voice to a plea. “If you leave, I—I don’t know what I’ll do without you. I can’t lose you.”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you found your way inside another girl and put your hands on me so many fucking times that I’ve lost count now, Eli! I don’t care about your threats anymore…I’m done.”
A muscle tightens in his jaw. “We’re not done, Lydia.”
“We are…I hate you,” I whisper, throat burning. “I loved you, and you hollowed me out. You took everything I had, and I have nothing left for you.”
Something behind his eyes darkens. He lunges for me—then stops himself when two guys round the corner of the building. Students, witnesses…my guardian angels in this moment. Eli backs up a step and just stands there, staring as they walk by, never taking his eyes off me.
I slowly back away. “We’re over.”
“Lydia, please—”
“No.”
For the first time, the word felt like a lock finally clicking shut…and I’m ready to throw away the key.
“You’re a real bitch, Lydia,” he bites out, finally dropping the act. “I promise you…if you leave me…everyone will know what a worthless piece of shit you are. I’ll make sure of it.”
Tears finally start to pour down my cheeks. I turn, not being able to look at him anymore, and run across the pavement towards my car, forcing myself not to turn back around. I don’t want to see his face ever again. I don’t want to see his guilt. Hear his pleas. Feel the pain he causes anymore.