27. Lydia #2
Confusion hits me when I open up my locker.
It’s completely empty. My textbooks, binders…
everything is gone. Maybe it’s just a mix-up or something.
Maybe they cleared it out by accident and have my belongings in the office somewhere…
hopefully. I close my locker, trying not to worry too much about it.
As I’m walking down the hallway to my next class, now with none of the textbooks that I need, I feel a hand grab my elbow. I can’t help the involuntary flinch at first before I turn to see that it’s John.
“Come here,” he whispers, nodding to a blocked-off area.
John is in the same grade as me, so I still see him at school, but I had started to avoid him a lot this last year with Eli being at college and our relationship getting pretty bad.
I follow him, and the guilt hits me as soon as we’re alone. “John…hey…how have you been?”
He looks away with pain in his eyes. “It’s been hard, but I’m doing better…seeing a therapist and all now. It’s kind of…helped, I guess.”
I nod sympathetically. “I’m sorry…that, you know, I never reached out to see how you were after…everything. We were friends. Well, at least I thought we were—”
John gently places his hand on my arm, stopping me. “Lydia. It’s okay. You’re going through a lot more than I am. I understand.”
“He was your best friend, though.”
“And you were his girlfriend. We both have been dealing with a lot.”
Girlfriend.
I don’t know why that word puts such a bad taste in my mouth now. I can’t change it, though. It’s just a part of my story…forever.
I look around, confusion finally hitting me. “John…why…why are you talking to me? Don’t you know everything that’s—”
“I know what everyone is saying, Lydia,” he interrupts, “and I know what Eli said…but it doesn’t mean I believe any of it.”
His words stun me. “You…don’t?”
John shakes his head slowly. “I watched you two. I knew Eli better than anyone, we grew up together. He had a lot of demons way before you came around.” His voice lowers.
“I saw how possessive he got with you and how toxic it was starting to get…but I didn’t know it was getting that bad.
He stopped talking to me, and I really wish he hadn’t.
I wish I had known, or stepped in, or done something.
But I really didn’t know everything that was going on.
I felt in the dark a lot with him after y’all started dating, like he was hiding a lot from me that he didn’t want me to know about. ”
“It’s not your fault,” I say, trying to reassure him.
“Did he ever…put his hands on you, Lydia?”
The question catches me off guard, and I shiver involuntarily.
John clears his throat gently, pulling me back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—” he starts, guilt etched into his face.
I nod, tears stinging my eyes. “Yes,” I whisper. “He did.”
His expression falls. “Geez, Lydia, I’m so sorry. Fuck, I didn’t know. I swear, if I had—”
He pulls me into a hug, and I freeze, not expecting the contact. After a moment, I finally relax and embrace him back.
It’s the first time I’ve hugged any guy since being with Eli, and as weird as it feels, I need the comfort.
“It’s okay,” I tell him. “I’m sorry…I know he was your best friend. I know you probably don’t want to think about him like that—”
He pulls back, eyes filled with sincerity.
“That doesn’t matter. Hurting you, hurting anyone…
is wrong. I should’ve seen it. I should’ve done something.
” He exhales, frustrated with himself. “I’m so sorry.
We were friends, though, Lydia. I knew what he said wasn’t you…
I even tried to reach out to you after everything happened, but you never answered. ”
“I had to change my number,” I explain quietly.
He nods, understanding. “It got that bad?”
I nod back without saying anything.
“Where’s your phone? Let me put my number in…just so you have it. In case you ever wanna reach out and talk. I’m always here for you. I know this has to be a lot to deal with. I’m happy to see you back, though.”
“You don’t have to do this,” I tell him, handing him my phone. “I don’t want you being seen with me or do anything that will cause you backlash…”
“Lydia, stop. I couldn’t care less what these people think. I care more about being on the right side and not seeing someone get torn down who doesn’t deserve it.”
“So, you really don’t think I’m the villain everyone is making me out to be, huh?”
He looks up from my phone, holding my gaze. “No, not even a little.”
He hands me back my phone, and I take it, sliding it into the side of my backpack. “Thank you. I uh…better get going to class.”
“I’ll see you around, Lydia. Seriously, though, text me if you ever need anything or just want to talk.”
He gives me a side hug before I walk off, heading to class. I pull my phone back out and send Simone a quick text so she doesn’t start worrying.
Lydia: So far, so good. Lots of stares, but no one has said anything to me. Maybe I can do this after all. Love you, I’ll text you later
Lydia: Oh…John just talked to me. That was weird, but good? I’ll have to call you after school and tell you everything!
My next class goes by just as quietly. Kind of boring, honestly. But I’m thankful for boring right now. I’ll take boring.
Mid-class, I get the worst cramps, and it dawns on me that I’m probably starting my period soon. I raise my hand, asking to use the bathroom, and get a pass from my teacher.
Walking down the empty halls, I rummage through my bag to find a pad, praying I have one. When I walk into the bathroom, I take in the quiet…the peace. I might actually be able to do this, get through this day, through the rest of the year.
When I step back out of the stall, I walk up to the sink and wash my hands, staring up at the mirror, giving myself a silent pep talk.
I channel my inner Simone and tell myself to keep my head held high.
I’m not who they say I am. I’m not what they think I am.
I have to write my story, and I’m not giving the pen to anyone else.
My phone buzzes, and I shake my wet hands in the air before pulling it out and reading the text from Simone.
Simone: I told you everything was gonna be okay! Ohhh, definitely need to know what happened with John! Call me after school! Love you!
I’m about to text her back when my phone is ripped from my hand, and a sharp shove sends me crashing against the sink, pain radiating through my spine.
“What the hell?” I gasp.
I look up to see three girls who had to have just walked in. They’re all looking at me with this self-righteous hate in their eyes, like they deserve to do whatever they’re about to do. Wherever this is going, I know it won’t be in my favor.
“You should have never come back here,” one spits at me.
I grip the sink behind me, panic rising. They have my phone, and everyone is in class right now. They have all the power here. I’m outnumbered and cornered like a wild animal.
“You think we’d just let the murderer come back and walk these halls like nothing ever happened?”
They all laugh, but it’s the furthest thing from friendly.
“Eli was one of my best friends,” another girl says, starting to fake cry.
I’ve never seen this girl a day in my life. Eli sure as hell never talked about her. So either he has a lot more that he was hiding from me—which I actually don’t doubt—or the more likely option, which is she’s just full of shit.