41. Bash
Bash
The library is peaceful today, with just the occasional student coming in and out.
Usually, this is the best place to study with no distractions.
I run my hand along the back of my neck, trying to ease some of the tension that feels like a second skin lately, never letting up.
Midterms are stressful enough on their own, but with all these new classes I decided to take for my major that make me do a lot of inward work on myself, I’m more emotionally drained than I thought I’d be.
Between the classes that make me reflect on my own need to heal, and the classes that dive into trauma and the early signs of struggle, I’m forced to unpack all the things I’ve tried to force my mind never to think about.
On top of my regular classes, I for some reason decided to add clinical psychology, developmental psychopathology, and a trauma it’s something deeper.
It’s the type of exhaustion that’s beyond physical.
I recognize it immediately. It’s unmistakable, because I know that feeling.
I’ve lived with that feeling for long enough to be able to read it on someone else.
She finds an empty table not far from mine and quietly sits down, pulling out some books and a laptop. She puts in a pair of headphones and adjusts her hoodie, pulling it low over her face.
I watch her for a second longer, my curiosity about her tugging at me.
I know I should look away, get back to studying, but there’s something about her presence that draws me in, which sounds crazy.
I don’t even know her. I don’t know her name or anything about her.
She’s just another stranger, another random face around campus.
I force my eyes back down to my textbook, determined to get a few productive studying hours in, but when I glance up a while later again, her head is resting on her arms, clearly asleep.
This ache hits my chest. She looks so vulnerable, so fragile, so…
alone. I want to check on her, but that’s weird, right?
And so not my place to do, so I just leave her be.
I get as much work done as I can, continuing to glance up at her every so often.
She never moves. If I didn’t see the slight rise and fall of her body when I looked close enough, I would almost think she was dead.
I wonder if part of that apparent tiredness is from coping with some substance, the same way that I used to.
I don’t know why that thought pains me for her.
You literally don’t know this girl, Sebastian. What’s gotten into you? You’ve never cared about a girl’s well-being a day in your life…and she’s a complete stranger.
Once I pack up all my stuff and go to head out, I still can’t quiet that pull to go check on her.
I hesitate for a second before making my way over.
As I reach her table, I pause, taking in the peaceful but heavy expression on her face.
I gently nudge her shoulder, and she jolts awake, a little disoriented.
Her eyes flutter open, unfocused at first, until they find mine, confusion swimming in those beautiful green—slightly dilated—eyes.
I wonder if that’s from the exhaustion or something she’s recently taken.
“Are you okay?” I ask gently, not wanting to bother her too much. I just couldn’t walk out of here without making sure she was okay.
She looks back at me with a blank expression at first, and now I’m the one who gives her a confused look, still waiting for her to answer.
“Did you say something?” she asks softly, still blinking away the sleep.
I offer a small smile, trying to appear casual and not creepy. “I asked if you were okay. You’ve been out cold over here for a while.”
She looks slightly defensive, her brows pulling together in suspicion. “Um, yeah? Were you watching me sleep or something?”
I laugh a little, amused at her bluntness. “No. I was in here when you came in, so I saw you sit down over here, then at some point, I guess you fell asleep, and when I was getting up to leave, I saw you were still asleep, so I thought I should maybe check on you.”
She stares up at me, then really stares, as if trying to figure something out about me. I use the moment to fully take her in, how striking she is, even in this slightly disheveled state. Something about her makes it hard for me to look away.
“You know,” I continue lightly, trying to break whatever trance we’re both suddenly caught in, “since most people just come here to study or work and typically sleep back in their dorms.”
She snaps out of her daze, glaring at me now. “Funny. I just had a long night, that’s all.”
She glances around, looking for something. “Um, what time is it?”
I quickly pull out my phone, checking the time and telling her.
She jolts up from her seat, grabbing her stuff in a chaotic rush.
I would offer my help, but I wouldn’t even know where to start.
There’s a lot going on here. It’s almost endearing, watching her all flustered and scattered like this.
It’s so different from the guarded expression she had just moments ago.
“Crap. I’m so late for my class.” She swings her bag over her shoulder and starts to walk away before abruptly turning back around, meeting my gaze again with a hesitant smile. “Hey! What’s your name?”
“Bash,” I tell her.
She pauses. “What kind of name is Bash?”
I chuckle lightly. “My name is Sebastian… but everyone calls me Bash.”
She’s walking backward, but her eyes are still locked on mine. “Oh…well, thanks, Bash. You know…for checking on me.”
She turns to walk off, clearly in a hurry. Without even thinking, I call after her, “Wait—what’s your name?”
But she’s too far away now, and we’re in a library. I can’t exactly yell any louder to her, and I’m not going to run after her like some weirdo, so I just stand there for a moment, staring as she walks out, still feeling such an odd pull to this girl.
Even though I don’t know who she is, there’s so much I strangely want to know.
I shake my head, telling myself I’m just overthinking this, that it doesn’t mean anything. She’s just a pretty face I can’t ignore.
Right?