Chapter 12
Twelve
Denise
Lucas walks me up to my apartment, that stupid smug look on his face bright as ever. I’m kind of tempted to slap it off him but I’m pretty sure he’d like that.
My legs already feel like jelly, making the walk up to my apartment harder than it needs to be.
“Stop.” I narrow my eyes, stepping into the now fixed elevator.
He follows me in. The elevator now feels smaller than usual but my senses also tell me that Lucas is standing too far away.
This constant push and pull my body and mind like to do is becoming exhausting.
He chuckles. “I didn’t even say anything.”
“You didn’t have to. Your face is saying enough.”
I lean back against the elevator wall, attempting to appear as casual as I can about needing the support because Lucas’s ego is already too big for my liking right now.
He leans his shoulder against the same wall, arms crossed and shirt unfortunately now back on his body.
He should really do us all a favor and walk around the campus shirtless.
Preston’s family owns Kingswell and his dad is the governor of Ellingbrooke—surely Lucas wouldn’t get into too much trouble.
Lucas watches me and I watch him. It’s a good thing no one else is in the elevator, otherwise it’d look like we were having a staring contest, but I see the glimmer in his eyes and I wonder if he can see it in mine too.
Do I look as light as I feel?
Can he tell that I don’t want to say goodnight just yet?
I want to invite him in. Tell him why hearing him talk to Xanthe had made a lump form in my throat and my hands shake at my sides, despite knowing his attention wasn’t even on her.
But I can’t explain any of that. Not without exposing a part of myself to Lucas that I’m not sure I’m ready for him to have. So instead, I do what I do best. I shove those feelings down, replacing them with something that I’m not proud of either but it’s safer.
“You definitely cheated.” I turn my attention toward the numbers that light up, telling me what floor we’re on.
He snorts. “How?”
“I don’t know but I’m going to figure it out.”
Lucas steps closer, my shoulder now brushing up against his chest and I try really hard to ignore the butterflies in my stomach at my proximity to him.
It’s ridiculous, really.
I’ve never in my life felt this kind of ache for someone and the fact that I just admitted to myself that I’m desperate for this man, just means that I need to create space right now. I take a step to the side, crossing my arms and keeping my attention on anything but Lucas, hoping to deter him.
This guy is far too confident in his abilities for his own good.
The steel of this elevator cab is suddenly very interesting and I think I’ve found my new calling.
Installing elevators.
Who needs ballet or psychology when I can spend my days repairing and installing vertical transportation systems?
My attempt to keep space is futile because now he’s just standing in front of me, arm resting on the bar behind me, boxing me in. “Guess we’ll just have to have a rematch.”
My thighs squeeze together but I try to play it off by pretending that my skirt needs adjusting. “Maybe.”
“Maybe, huh?”
I nod, now looking back at him.
“I’ll take it.” He pulls away when the elevator dings, the doors opening to reveal my floor.
He gestures for me to step out first and I do so without arguing because I think I might just suffocate from that adorable ass smirk he’s giving me if I remain in this elevator any longer.
The only thing I know what to do with the charged silence between us as we walk to my apartment is to run from it, but I allow myself to continue our walk. Because that’s all this is. I’ll just choose to ignore the fact that his head was between my thighs less than an hour ago.
Yeah, ’cause that’ll be easy for me to do.
“You don’t have to walk me to my door, you know?”
Lucas shrugs his shoulders, his pace matching mine. “Gives me an excuse.”
“Excuse for what?” I smirk. “Following me?”
I lean my back against my door, not ready to go in yet so I stare up at Lucas, my heels discarded and in his hand.
He shakes his head, stepping closer but not touching like that’s a line we haven’t crossed multiple times at this point.
And I wonder if maybe we should stop crossing it before something we can’t come back from happens.
Lucas runs the tip of his finger along my arm, tracing the random painted doodles from Sarah and Bethany. “It gives me an excuse to be around you longer.”
My grin slowly falls when Lucas pulls his hand away to bring it up to the back of his neck, stretching at the skin as if to soothe himself. Almost like he just gave me a piece of his heart that he now fears I’m going to slaughter instead of care for.
I shouldn’t care about that. I never have in the past.
I don’t owe anyone anything. Including the people I’ve slept with but with Lucas…damn it. Lucas has this way about him that makes me act stupid. Has me doing things I don’t usually do. Saying things I’d never say and thinking in ways I usually tease Bethany for.
I don’t know what’s going on with me but I guess I’m done fighting it right now. I step closer to Lucas, deciding to blur the line between us even more. My arms wrap around his neck, craning my own to get a better angle before I press my lips to his.
He sighs into the kiss, shoulders sagging as he presses into me, as if he could possibly mold us into one.
This kiss is different from the others we’ve had.
It’s not just heat and need.
Our lips move gently against one another, sitting in each other’s presence instead of rushing to some physical goal of getting each other’s clothes off.
Instead of pulling away, I step closer, allowing myself this pleasure of momentarily letting my walls down in front of Lucas.
It’s foreign, yes, but good. So good.
But I have to pull away, otherwise I’m going to start reciting love confessions in the hallway or something.
His lips chase mine and I chuckle, giving him one more peck before pressing a few quick kisses to the side of his neck. I unwrap my arms from him but I don’t step back, deciding that’d be too much space between us.
“Try not to miss me too much, Callahan.” I lightly pat his cheek.
“Mission failed.” He smiles.
When I finally do open my door, we say our goodnights and he’s wearing the cutest smile I’ve ever seen on a man. It makes it hard for me not to do the same and this time I don’t fight it.
Our eyes stay locked on one another as I slowly close the door with a click. I remain standing, my forehead pressing against the wood as if I can still feel Lucas on the other side.
From this angle, I can make out his handprints on my shirt, right on my breasts and I can’t help but laugh. The sound comes out soft like there’s anyone else in my apartment I could possibly disturb.
The idea of belonging to Lucas should scare me more than it is right now. Maybe it’s the booze or Lucas’s lingering scent. Or maybe it’s even the kiss that’s putting me in this daze.
But whatever it is, I don’t shove the thought away.
Maybe in the morning but not tonight.
Tonight, I let myself belong to Lucas Callahan.