Chapter 49
Chapter Forty-Nine
Maurizio
The morning had started well, reliving the previous night with Flora, although Sophie’s interruption and comments about the children had broken the moment.
Last night had been everything I could have dreamt of, and more.
Perhaps acknowledging our feelings had somehow brought a few more bricks down in the wall between us.
The wall was mainly Sophie shaped. There were still concerns around her living in the house.
I acknowledged to myself that we still had work to do in setting out our stall in terms of next steps and moving forward, but I didn’t want to push Flora too far, too soon.
I loved knowing she lived in my house and I would be happy to share my bed with her every night of the week, but I suspected that she wouldn’t be ready for that yet.
Suddenly, I realised that although I knew about her family, Maddie and her grandparents and of course the loss of her parents, we had never discussed her romantic history.
She hadn’t been a virgin when we met, nor did I expect her to be, but I also didn’t believe she was likely to have had multiple casual partners so there must have been boyfriends, at least one.
The alarm I had set on my phone startled me. I needed to go and meet Sophie. Perhaps I needed to focus on this afternoon with Sophie more than Flora’s romantic past because one was safely behind us and the other was potentially going to implode on all of our lives, not least my children’s.
Arriving with a few minutes to spare, I spotted Sophie immediately, she was hard to miss what with her nervously pacing.
“Hi,” I said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “How you doing?”
“I’m scared, Mo,” she replied, the first tear escaping and running down her cheek.
Pulling her close, I enveloped her in my arms and rocked her gently, desperate to offer reassurance.
“It’s going to be okay . . .” I couldn’t guarantee that and before I continued or backtracked, her name was called.
Taking her hand in mine, I led her towards the nurse who smiled and guided us past the reception desk and waiting area into a consultation room where two doctors sat waiting for us.
The following moments went in slow motion and time ceased to mean anything.
Words, lots of words, came our way and while we both remained calm, inside I was freaking out so I could only imagine how Sophie felt.
She appeared stoic and emotionless through it all, meaning she was reeling, and why wouldn’t she be, she had just been told she had cervical cancer.
I needed to step up and be the rational one, so, pushing all thoughts of my children and their mother from my mind, I put my brain into professional mode and asked the questions she would need answers to, facts and time frames.
“Is this treatable?”
Sophie squeezed my hand tighter.
“Yes,” the doctor replied.
“Curable?” That was the million dollar question.
“Potentially.” Not as positive as it could be, but not a no. “But you should have come back sooner.”
I was confused. This was her first appointment, wasn’t it? She looked between us and then facing me, explained.
“I missed some appointments.”
“What? Why?”
“I was scared, Mo, and for a little while I buried my head in the sand. When I became ill, I put it down to our separation, the upheaval of everything messing with my body and my cycle. I was in the dentist and read an article about a young woman with similar symptoms and so I acted quickly and made an appointment with my doctor. She sent me for bloods and then a scan. The doctors here contacted me quickly but I couldn’t do it, I didn’t want to hear them confirm what I already knew, so I avoided.
I came home and saw the children and decided that they deserved better than watching me become ill. ”
“Sophie, better they watch you become ill and recover than die!” I snapped the last part and was furious with her.
“I didn’t say it was logical, and I don’t want to die and leave my babies.” Any semblance of control was lost at that point.
Pulling her in closer, I held her, rocked her, and asked the doctors to go through everything from the beginning and then to talk us through some kind of treatment plan.
I felt like I had been punched by the time I had wrapped my head around the events.
Sophie had developed abdominal pain and irregular bleeding and after seeking medical advice had been sent for bloods, a scan and investigation.
She had then returned home, changed her number, and managed to ignore all follow-ups from the hospital as she had ignored her cancer diagnosis.
She had told me that she had cancer and was awaiting further tests.
I had believed her. There was no reason for me not to, was there?
She had also asked for me to keep it to myself until she knew the exact details and with the exception of my mother who knew Sophie was ill, if only to keep her meddling at bay, and Nico also knew, because, well, it was Nico.
I had kept Sophie’s secret. Perhaps, now, with the details known, she would allow me to share her illness with Flora so she might better understand Sophie’s reappearance.
My hammering heart thudded in my ears as I tried to take all of this in and order my thoughts and more questions for the doctors.
“You said this is treatable and could be curable?”
“I did. First thing we need to do is repeat the tests and scans to ensure that the cancer hasn’t spread. If it hasn’t then we will look at getting you scheduled for surgery and possibly some chemotherapy.”
“And if it’s spread?”
The doctor shook his head. “I’m not able to answer that question until we know what we’re dealing with.”
“When can you do the tests?” I probably sounded like a dick with my firm tone, but I needed information and a plan, and so did Sophie who was pale as a sheet and clearly struggling to hold things together.
I still couldn’t think about my poor children in the possible scenarios of how this might play out.
They’d found it hard enough when Sophie had left and they knew where she lived.
The burn in my jaw and the sting in my eyes caught me off guard.
I loved Sophie, I wasn’t in love with her, but her health and happiness were important to me.
I was happy for us to be divorced which we would be in a matter of weeks, however, I hadn’t expected her to die.
“The blood tests we can arrange today. I will take a look at scheduling the scan and we can take it from there.”
“Thank you.”
“I know this is a shock, for you both, but many patients live long lives after surviving cancer. The nurse here, Becky, will sit with you for a while and I am sure she will be able to answer any questions you may have.”
We remained at the hospital for the next couple of hours.
The bloods were taken and the doctor had even managed to get the scan arranged within the same day.
Sophie had to wait until after the weekend to see the doctors and discuss treatment.
If we’d needed it, we could have arranged private doctors and consultations, but the NHS team she had were doing a sterling job and really weren’t wasting any time.
On reflection, I was unsure if that should frighten me more than reassure me if speed was of the essence.
Sitting in the coffee shop around the corner from the hospital, we allowed the silence to wash over us.
I wasn’t sure what to say. When she had first returned and told me about her cancer, we had talked at length, but at that point I believed she was on top of appointments and that because there seemed no urgency in treatment, that it was in the early stages, non-aggressive and curable.
After today I had a feeling that all bets were off.
“I’m sorry.”
Looking up, I found Sophie’s eyes on mine, tears threatening to spill. Reaching across the small metal table, I took her hand in mine and gave it a squeeze. “Nothing to be sorry for.” Now wasn’t the time to point out the error of her ways over the last weeks, possibly months.
“I will never forgive myself if I have inadvertently committed our children to being motherless by playing ignorant.”
I couldn’t tell her that wasn’t the case, but I also wouldn’t kick her while she was down. “Sophie, I am sure that whatever happens, these weeks you waited will be irrelevant.”
Her brow furrowed.
“Don’t get me wrong, if you do that again and play Russian roulette with your health, I will set Mama on you and then you’ll wish you were dead.”
I hadn’t thought out those last words, but they actually diffused all of the tension, making us both laugh. Edging my seat closer, I held her against me, hoping to offer reassurance and comfort.
“Whatever happens, I’m here for you.”
“Thank you, but Flora–”
I cut her off. “Flora will want to support you, too. She is an amazing woman and once she knows the details.” I sensed an objection.
“I won’t continue to keep this from her, Sophie.
I have fobbed her off at every turn in order to keep your confidence but she deserves to know and to not second guess your reason for being in the house, and even if your treatment is straightforward and smooth sailing we will need Flora in our corner, me and the children. ”
“Okay, just not tonight. Tonight, I need to be Mummy and to spend an evening with the children, and you, if you want to join us for popcorn and a movie and then tomorrow, I’ll pull my head fully from out of my arse.”
“Deal, but tomorrow morning, I’m telling her.”
“You love her, don’t you?”
“I do, and she loves me.”
“I’m pleased you’ve found her.”
“Me too. I now need not to bugger it up.”
“You won’t. Now come on, I want to go home and see our children.”