16. Chapter 15 Carter
M arch 2024
Pools have always been a calm place to me, a tool to help center myself as the world rages on around me. The shimmering blue tone, the reflections, the unstable way the lines seem to bend and arch beneath the depth of the water—a pool has always been home to me.
So, when I wake up early on Sunday morning, hours before I need to head back to Georgia, I know Bryce wouldn’t be surprised to find out I left and sought out the comfort of the only pool I have access to in this state. My pool. Our pool.
“What are you doing here?”
The sun is barely peeking up over the horizon when I turn to see Katrina coming toward me, dressed in leggings, and a crew neck sweatshirt. There’s not an ounce of makeup on her face and she’s pulled her blonde hair into a messy ponytail. Most endearing of all, she’s wearing glasses. Something tells me not too many people get to see her like this, and I instantly feel like one of the luckiest men in the world.
Even if it means nothing.
“Just getting caught up in my own thoughts,” I tease. “What about you? As I recall, I’m the one who owns this place.”
She sits next to me on the bench, so close our legs are practically touching. “Ah, yes, but I also have a key and free rein for the duration of the remodel.”
I bite back a grin. “Seriously, the sun is not even up yet. Why are you here?”
“Couldn’t sleep. I had a couple of things to check.” She gives a casual shrug, like it’s the easiest explanation in the world. “All right, your turn. What’s got you up at dawn?”
I look back over the water, which is mostly still. “I told you, lost in my thoughts.”
“That’s not an answer.” When she laughs, the sound seems to bounce all around me. “You’re worried about this summer, aren’t you?”
I fight not to let my jaw drop open. How did she possibly know that? “I’ve never done this without Bryce.”
I can feel her gaze on the side of my face, but I keep staring straight ahead. “Never? I thought he retired a couple of years ago.”
“The Olympics, I mean. I’ve gone to international meets since he retired, but I’ve never done Trials or the Games without him. I followed a coach out to Georgia after we graduated, and that was the first time we really separated.”
“Because he’s not there at all,” she says in realization.
I nod and say, “People are still surprised that he retired while I didn’t. They ask me all the time if he’s going to make some kind of miraculous comeback or if I can even do this without him. There aren’t a lot of people who think I can.”
“Well, that’s bullshit,” she scoffed. “From my understanding, which I know is limited, you’re doing well. The way Bryce talks, it sounds like you have a good shot at making the team.”
The way she says it sounds so uncertain, and I can’t help but chuckle. “Bryce wasn’t kidding, was he? You really know nothing about this sport.”
“I’m trying!” she protests, but her scowl only makes me laugh harder. “I’m attempting to learn. I know you mainly swim the 400-meter IM and the 200-meter freestyle. I don’t know what any of that really means, though.”
I fight the urge to recite my whole program, knowing it would literally mean nothing to her. “I appreciate your effort, Katrina.”
“Going to the meet made me see how the sport can be fun, and it was exciting to watch the races, but I’m not sure I get all the work that goes into it. It seems like a lot of work for a few minutes of fun and a lot of staring at a black line.”
Nodding, I let my gaze drift back over the mostly still water. “There’s a lot of time to think. Which isn’t always a good thing.”
“Which brings us back to what you’re doing here. You can talk to me about it if you want. I’m a good listener and it might help to talk to someone clueless about what you’re going through.”
She’s got a point. Letting out a sigh, I lean forward, elbows resting on my knees. I keep my gaze locked straight ahead, unable to look at this woman as I rip open my chest and bare my heart to her. “I’ve had my eye on this goal my whole life—of being an Olympian. Everyone tried to keep me realistic, reminding me that hard work might not be enough, but I did it. I did it twice and am trying to do it a third time, but that’s never been the part that’s scary. I never let myself think about what would come next, and now it’s coming quicker than I ever expected.”
“I don’t think that’s true.” Her tone is soft, barely audible despite the silence surrounding us. “If you didn’t think about what would come next, I wouldn’t have this job.”
“I know Josie or Bryce told you how I bought this place. It was a panicked decision, and I didn’t think it through until I signed the papers. This is the result of not knowing what I want and grabbing the first thing that sounded good.”
“I don’t agree with you. You saw the answer to a question and took a shot, just like you’ve been doing your whole life. The only reason you’re unsteady now is because you can’t imagine what it’s going to look like yet, but you will. I promise you will.”
My deep breath is shaky, her words settling around me. I want them to be true. More than anything, I want this future to unfold the same way everything else has. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“No one knows what they’re doing, Carter. I can promise you that.”
I scoff, turning to face her. She’s watching the sunrise. “Says the girl who has a job she’s building a career from.”
She shakes her head but doesn’t pull her gaze from the sunrise. “Says the girl who went after her dream and has spent every single day since graduation trying to prove herself to a room full of sexist assholes who’ll never accept her as an equal. It’s exhausting, Carter, and I’m not even sure I want it anymore.”
I never would have guessed she was dealing with something like that. She seems so confident in her job and is always able to take control of a situation. Now that she’s said it, though, things are making more sense. The way she was so determined to have Bryce take her seriously, the way she keeps stressing how badly she wants this project to be perfect—she’s just trying to prove herself, just like me.
“Is that why you’re here?” I wonder aloud. “Did you take the job to prove yourself?”
She doesn’t look at me, even as she starts fiddling with a loose strand of hair. I want to reach out and tuck it behind her ear, but I can’t. “Yeah, if my stepfather had it his way, he would have never hired me. It’s all part of an image he and my mother put out there, two well-respected professionals in Charleston with a daughter following in his footsteps. It’s a farce, but it was still my dream. It’s just not working out the way I wanted it to.”
Frowning, I shake my head slightly. “I still can't believe he's your stepfather.”
“He never wanted kids,” she tells me. “I was just collateral that came along with my mother. Still, she’s determined to stick to an image. He would have preferred if I studied literally anything else. Now he’s micromanaging every little aspect of this project because he doesn’t trust me to do a good job.”
“I’m sorry, that’s some utter Gilmore Girls shit right there. What the fuck?”
Katrina lets out a surprised laugh that sounds like it’s tripping over itself on the way out. It’s a ridiculous sound that instantly makes me smile, wondering what else I can say to make her do it again. “You watch Gilmore Girls ?”
Still smiling, I shrug one shoulder. “It might be one of my comfort shows. My mom worked nights; we’d watch reruns in the afternoons during the summer. Josie and Mia have gotten me hooked on it and we’re all rewatching it.”
Her jaw drops open. “Is that what they do on Monday nights? That’s so rude! I don’t have anyone to watch with.”
I laugh at her pout. “We can fix that. Just remember, Bryce pretends he’s not interested, but he has opinions.”
Her grin is soft, her hazel eyes twinkling in the morning light. “I’m not at all surprised.”
I don’t know when the conversation shifted to focus on her, but I’m grateful for it. It’s given me a rare chance to get to know her away from everything else. It’s also helped my suspicions of her being someone who’s not surrounded by a lot of people. Whether that’s intentional or not, I find myself wanting to make sure she knows she’s not alone in all of this. As long as she’s here, she’s got us, and if she wants us after this is done, we’ll be here.
I bump her shoulder with mine. “You’re not on your own out here, you realize that, right?”
Her cheeks flush, and she ducks her head. A second later, though, she’s bumping her shoulder back into mine. “And you’re not nearly as lost as you seem to think you are. Look around, Carter, you have something amazing waiting here for you and you’re going to kick ass.”
My instinct is to argue that there’s no way she can know that for sure, that there’s nothing wrong with preparing for the worst, but the words die on my tongue. When I look back at her, she’s looking at the water again, a content smile on her features. The light breeze has the free strands of her hair whipping around her cheeks, and something in me twists. It’s not like anything I’ve felt in years, but it’s there, and I’ve missed it.
Bryce’s words ring in my ear, reminding me she has a boyfriend. It doesn’t matter that the relationship seems rocky, they’re still together, and nothing can happen.
I push off the metal bench, stretching my arms over my head as I go, ignoring the way my joints move a little stiffer than they did ten years ago. “Come on.” I nudge her knee with mine. “Let’s go get breakfast. I’m starving.”
She takes the hand I offer, allowing me to pull her up. “Are swimmers always hungry?”
Smirking, I climb down the bleachers before offering my hand once more, keeping her balanced. “Pretty much, yeah.”
She jumps down onto the concrete and we’re practically chest to chest. Our gazes locked on one another, and I want to reach out, pull her even closer, but I know I can’t. She’s not mine. Her hazel eyes drift around my face, never really settling anywhere. It feels like there’s a current of something zipping between us, an imaginary line pulling us closer. I can take one step and—
My phone rings. The sound is loud in the otherwise empty space, causing us to practically stumble apart. I break eye contact long enough to dig it out of the pockets of my sweats. By the time I look up, she’s heading back inside. Cursing under my breath, I answer the call and press the phone to my ear. “What’s up, Bryce?”
“Hey, you’re at the pool, right?” My point is instantly proven. We know one another too well. “Are you going to be much longer? Josie and I were going to go get breakfast.”
“Why are you guys even up?” I ask, looking at my watch to find that it’s barely six-thirty.
“Someone set the fire alarm off. There was no actual fire, but it woke us up.”
I roll my eyes, wondering if this was fate’s way of telling me to back off. Why else would something like that happen right as Katrina and I are having some sort of moment?
“Yeah, sure. Text me the place and I’ll meet you there.”
“Cool. Are you good?”
Absolutely not. “Yeah, of course. I’ll see you in twenty.”
By the time I end the call with Bryce and head back to my car, Katrina is gone.