Chapter Three Kami
Chapter Three
Kami
I walked out without looking back. I know it was rude, I know I should have controlled myself, but I couldn’t stand him acting that way with me.
It didn’t make sense! Or maybe it did, because ever since we’d confessed our feelings, we couldn’t seem to stop being pissed at each other, except when we were stealing glances through our bedroom windows.
Were we mad because we couldn’t act on our feelings?
Were we just taking it out on the one person who mattered most?
And did those stolen glances really mean anything if we were constantly acting like we hated each other?
I walked down the hall toward the library, thinking I’d study a bit, when behind me, I heard a door creak open. I stopped and turned. It was Thiago.
I studied him carefully as he came over. He was dressed in jeans, a shirt and tie, and a navy-blue sweater vest. He looked like the classic sexy professor, and he was driving me wild, but of course I had to try my best to pretend he wasn’t affecting me.
“What?” I asked. “Are you here to say sorry?”
He grinned. Did he think this was funny? “I’ll move your detention to your free period. Every day for the rest of the month. That way, you won’t have to miss work,” he said.
“What made you change your mind?” I asked with crossed arms.
“I’ll be in my office in the gym, not in the teacher’s lounge, FYI,” he said, without answering my question, looking down at me like I was a child.
“So?”
“Wait for me there, for your detention.”
He turned around and walked away, and I called after him, unable to help myself: “You know, you’re taking this way too far.”
He stopped and said blithely, “See you during your free period, Kamila.” Then he disappeared into the classroom, and I stormed off to the library, practically steaming.
Every free period for a month!
I headed into the library and saw that one of two plush chairs was unoccupied.
All the students fought over these spots during exam season since the other tables just had hard wooden seats.
There was no better place to flop down, stay warm, and study.
But since classes were in session, there were only a few people in there: seniors who had their free period and were studying for finals, which would start in December and could count for as much as 70 percent of our grades.
Everyone was cramming like mad, including Kate, apparently.
I saw her just past the last shelf by the window, sitting in one of the plush chairs.
In her lap was her history book, and she looked mesmerized.
And haggard. And incredibly sad. When I got close, she glanced up, surprised.
“You mind if I sit down?” I asked, pointing at the empty chair next to her.
She looked over and started gathering her things. “Sure, I was just about to go.”
As she started to stand, I said, “No, please, Kate, don’t go. I’m just here looking for a little peace and quiet. I mean, I’m also here because I got kicked out of class.”
I was hoping to find a way to connect with her. “What?” she asked. “They kicked you out of class? You?”
Her comment showed how little we’d talked recently. Whatever reputation I had for staying out of trouble was gone at this point. I’d almost gotten kicked out of school over fights and other problems I hadn’t even started.
“Yeah, me,” I said, sitting down, seeing that at least for now she’d given up on her idea of leaving.
“Who was your teacher?”
“Thiago Di Bianco,” I responded sarcastically.
“He’s a teacher now?”
“Sub. I was ten minutes late to class and he told me I had to give up my free period for the rest of the month.”
“I was twenty minutes late to PE the other day and he didn’t say a word,” she said.
Now that pissed me off. “He’s a jerk,” I said, rubbing my hands together by the heater to warm them. For a few seconds, we sat there in an awkward silence until I gathered the courage to say, “Kate, are you OK?”
She blinked several times and replied in a thin voice, “Yeah, I’m great. Why do you ask?”
I hesitated, then answered, “What happened with your brother must have been hard for you.”
“Stepbrother,” she corrected me.
I could have corrected her in turn—he was her half brother, not her stepbrother. They had the same dad. But who was I to criticize her for wanting to create some separation between herself and the most manipulative person I’d ever met?
“I’m fine,” she went on. “It’s just that people want to blame me for what happened, and it’s not fair.”
“It isn’t,” I agreed. “But do you have any idea why he did it? Or where he might have gone?”
She froze for a second, then leaped up. “You honestly think I know where he is? Are you fucking for real? Did you come here to try to get information out of me? Because I don’t know, OK? I don’t know!” She was shouting, and everyone nearby turned in surprise.
“Hey! I’m sorry, Kate, OK?” I held up my hands, frightened by how drastic her reaction had been. Her eyes bulged from their sockets, and I even began to wonder if she might be high.
“Don’t say you’re sorry, just leave me alone!” she shrieked, turning away and stomping out of the library.
I hid my head in the pages of my biology textbook and tried to pretend nothing had happened.
Everyone in the library was staring at me, and by the time my free period came, everyone seemed to have heard about my run-in with Kate.
Outside, a couple of girls stopped me to ask about it, and even Ellie ran over wanting to gossip.
“Ellie,” I told her, “I didn’t do anything, I swear.
She got hysterical. I mean, I’ve never seen her like that before, and Kate’s always been a drama queen,” I said as we walked toward the gym.
Ellie must have zoned out as I was talking, because once we were inside, she asked, “What are we doing here?”
“Thiago gave me detention,” I said, “and I’m supposed to serve it during my study period. And shit! I’m late again.”
As I pushed the door open, Ellie asked, “Thiago?” She was just as surprised as Kate had been.
“I’ll tell you later. Besides, you’ve still got secrets to tell me!”
She pretended not to hear this last part, and as I started in, I ran smack into a wall of muscle. “Shit!” I yelled, standing back and smelling his fragrance all over me.
“You’re late again?”
I stepped back to try and clear my head and studied him. He’d taken off his vest and loosened his tie, and his sleeves were rolled up. “I think you’re taking this sub position a little too seriously,” I commented.
“I don’t have class until after lunch. Follow me,” he ordered. The gym was empty, and I realized we were going to be alone. With the snowy weather, a dim light filtered through the windows.
He kept the office much neater than Coach Klebb had.
That didn’t surprise me. Thiago was uptight about those things; he always wanted everything perfectly in order, or perfectly in disorder as he liked to say when talking about his special way of arranging his stuff.
There was a desk, the whiteboard where he mapped out the team’s plays, and in one corner a bunch of fitness equipment and a pile of deflated balls.
Thiago sat down, grabbed a pencil, and started writing something on a sheet of paper. I stood there, unsure of what to do.
“I want you to blow up those balls and repair the ones that have holes in them. There’s some special tape over there,” he said.
“Are you serious?” I asked. “You want me to blow up all those balls?”
“Yep,” he responded curtly, then looked at me with his green eyes. “What did you think, you were just going to sit here staring off into space?”
“Yeah,” I said, gritting my teeth. “That’s what we normally do when we have detention.”
“Well, not with me.” He set his pencil down and turned all his attention to me. “This will help you learn to listen to what you’re instructed to do instead of showing me up in front of the other students.”
“I said what I said because you were being unfair.”
He half grinned. “There’s a lot of unfairness in the world, Kamila. I’m not sure this counts, though.”
“All I did was show up ten minutes late,” I objected loudly.
“No. What you did is put yourself in danger unnecessarily,” he said, now more somber.
So this was about the morning! “Seriously?! You’re actually punishing me for walking to school?” I was shouting now. I couldn’t believe this. At least Taylor had finally realized he was overreacting. Thiago just kept on going with his same hard-ass attitude and nodded.
“Exactly,” he said. “Maybe this way, you won’t do it again.”
“Is that a threat?”
“Mmmm…yeah, I think it is.”
“Stop being such a dick, Thiago.” I wanted to pick up one of those balls and throw it at his head.
“How about you stop driving me insane?”
That caught me off guard. I paused for a second before saying, “I drive you insane, huh?”
Our eyes met, and I smiled smugly as he gulped. “Get to work on those balls,” he said.
Walking over to his desk, heart racing, I pressed him, “Answer me first. Because you’ve barely said more than two words to me in the last few weeks.”
“Wasn’t what we said the last time we were alone enough for you?”
The last time we were together he’d said I love you. We’d both said I love you.
Fuuuuuck.
“What was the point of it, though, if we’re just going to treat each other like this?” I dared to ask, feeling the sharp pain of longing but unable to act on it.
“Like what?” he asked, standing up and walking around the table. Now we were close enough to touch.
“You know what I mean…”
“Alone in the same room during free period every day for the next month?”
“What?” I asked.
“You heard me.”
I blinked with surprise and responded, “You’re not telling me that…”
“Yeah, I am. I couldn’t resist the temptation to have you all to myself for at least half an hour…” He shrugged, and my heart froze for a moment.
“You punished me because you wanted to spend time with me?”
“No,” he replied, standing very still, his eyes roving over every inch of my body. “I did it because I’m fucking furious with you, and I had to do something to calm myself down. Punishing you felt like a gratifying way to do it. Getting to spend a free period with you was the cherry on top.”
“So I’m the cherry?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“And a very sweet one at that,” he said, and by the way he shifted his weight, I could tell he was dying to touch me, hold me, kiss me…
I stepped forward, but he didn’t move. I took another step, averting his gaze, and rested my forehead on his chest. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my impulses, and just as I was preparing to move away, he placed his hand on the back of my head.
Then he ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me on the top of my head as he inhaled the scent of my shampoo.
“You’ve got a choice to make,” he whispered, so softly I could hardly hear him.
Something clicked in my head. Was he asking me what I thought he was asking me? Thiago must have sensed what I was thinking, because he let me go suddenly, as if my skin were on fire.
“I’m sorry, forget what I just said.” He returned to his desk.
“We can’t just—” I replied in shock.
“I know,” he interrupted me icily.
Looking at the ground, I imagined Taylor. Taylor, my ideal guy, who adored me and took care of me.
“I can’t hurt him,” I said, hoping Thiago would agree, but instead he gave me a cold stare.
“You already are, Kamila. You think he doesn’t realize what’s going on? And he doesn’t even know the half of it.”
“It’s not like you and I could ever make it work,” I said, waving my hands around. “They offered you a permanent position. You know I’d never endanger that for you.”
“You’ll be going to college in a few months. After that, it won’t be a problem.”
“Yeah, except for the fact that I’ll be hundreds of miles away,” I replied, attempting to convince myself that I was right and there was no future for us. It was impossible.
“What do you want, then, Kamila?” he asked, tossing his pencil on the table, where it bounced and rolled toward my feet. “I’m tired of this, I’m tired of pining for you day and night, watching you sleep with another guy. And not just any guy, my goddamn brother, whom I happen to adore.”
Those words pierced my heart. “What’s the solution, then?” I asked.
“There isn’t one,” he replied calmly. “And you know why?”
I waited, and finally he replied: “Because you don’t even know what you want.
Do you think I don’t watch you two, that I don’t see how you look at him?
How he makes you laugh. Hell, I can hear you across the hall when I’m in my room.
Deep down, I know you deserve that, I know he can offer you so much more than I ever could. ”
“Don’t say that, Thiago.” I moved closer to try and touch him, but he raised a hand, keeping me at bay.
“There’s something broken inside me,” he admitted, his expression completely sincere. “And there always will be. That’s just who I am. Call it fate, but I’m just someone who can’t run from my past.”
“We all have our demons,” I told him.
“It’s not just my demons, though. I have my whole family’s demons. And my guardian angel isn’t strong enough to keep them away.”
My eyes filled with tears when I realized he was talking about Lucy.
She would always be the shadow he could never outrun.
A shadow cast over all of us: me, Taylor, their mother—but Thiago most of all.
He would never get over it. And I wished with all my heart that her shadow wouldn’t destroy us, but it was always there, looming.
I walked to the other side of the room, and he watched me in silence. I waited a moment and finally spoke: “Do I really have to blow up these balls?”
Without looking at me, Thiago said, “Yep.”