Chapter Twenty-Four Kami #2
“I’m sorry, Kami, I really am, but I need to stay away from you. I need to forget you if I’m ever going to move on. I love you; do you not understand that?”
“I love you, too,” I said, and I meant it.
“But you’re not in love with me,” he interrupted, emphasizing every word, and I had no idea how to respond.
“And I get it now. Finally. I guess I always knew deep down, but when we hooked back up, I thought—I don’t know, I thought we could save each other somehow.
I thought we could be happy together, that I could take care of you and make you smile again, but all we’re doing is hurting each other.
I don’t like it. I don’t like the person I’ve become.
You and I aren’t made to be together, and as much as it hurts, I think it’s time to bring this to an end. ”
I cried.
Of course I cried, because Taylor was my drug, he helped soothe my pain, and his pulling away destroyed me. He kept his distance. For months, I knew nothing about him, nothing at all, until… Well, until it happened.
When I finally went home, it was during the Christmas break of my second year.
The year before, I’d spent the holidays in the dorm and enrolled in summer classes, because I couldn’t stand the thought of returning to Carsville.
Doing so was as painful as I’d imagined.
My brother was getting huge, and he hugged me as soon as he saw me and wouldn’t let me go.
My parents were back together, and I made peace with them.
They still fought sometimes, but Cameron seemed genuinely happy.
Despite the tragedy, the town had gotten its winter charm back, and I walked through the square as if nothing had happened.
A closer look revealed the sad truth: When you looked at the faces of the mothers and fathers and realized you couldn’t ask them how their kids were, it was devastating.
Whoever said time heals all wounds should have seen them.
It had been a while since I’d seen Mrs. Mills, and when I finally stopped by the café, I found out her husband had passed.
She tried to smile when she saw me, but losing her life partner, the father of her kids, the man who won her heart and made her happy for fifty long years… That had been too much, even for her.
She poured me a giant mug of coffee with a pinch of cinnamon, and we talked for a long time. She asked about my family and about Harvard. By the time I left the café it was night, and snow was starting to fall.
I didn’t have an umbrella or even a hat, but I enjoyed the walk. I hadn’t known how much I’d needed it. I needed to make peace with the town where I’d grown up, painful as that was, agonizing as it was to look around and be reminded of all the friends I missed so much and would never see again.
I told myself it was finally time to go see Thiago’s mother.
Katia smiled when she opened the door for me.
There was pain in her eyes, but still, she pulled me in for a hug.
As soon as I saw her, I knew something bad had happened, and I felt my legs buckle when she used the horrible phrase withdrawal of care.
She invited me in to sit down as she explained the process to me.
“Taylor says it’s time. He says Thiago would never have agreed to live like this for so long, that this isn’t living.”
“Taylor said that?”
Katia looked at her hands, lost. “I don’t know what to do. He deteriorates more and more by the day.”
“He’s still there, Katia! It’s still him! And he’ll come back! I know it!”
She shook her head.
I shouted, “You can’t just let him die! You can’t!”
“If you could…” Katia began, but she couldn’t finish the phrase.
I stared into her eyes. “If I could what?”
She shook her head.
“Katia, tell me. Whatever it is, just say it.”
“Taylor made me promise not to tell you. He said you were in bad shape and needed to move on. Your parents said you couldn’t go see Thiago anymore, and I thought that was for the best. But the last time you saw him, he made clear improvements.
He even moved his fingers; he opened his eyes at one point.
The doctors told me not to get too excited, they said those were unconscious reactions to stimuli, and it didn’t mean he was going to wake up.
The days passed, and it didn’t happen again, but I thought—I thought it was you who did it.
I think he heard you and that made him want to come back. ”
I can’t describe what I felt at that moment. The last time I’d seen Thiago, I’d told him everything, I’d shouted at him, I’d let it all out, thinking he couldn’t hear me—but he could… He had.
I had awakened him.
“Mom, are you starting with that again?” I heard Taylor’s voice from the kitchen. I turned and saw him, and he looked upset, angry even. We hadn’t seen each other in months, not since we’d broken up, or whatever you’d call it.
“I told you to leave my mother in peace,” he told me.
I tried to answer, but Katia did first. “Taylor, Kami is like family.”
“She’s just going to get you upset!”
I got up from my chair, ready to go, but Katia grabbed my wrist, pulling me back toward her, and yelled at her son in a way I’d never heard her do before. “She’s trying to help us! And there’s nothing I won’t do before I just let my son die!”
Incredulous, Taylor spoke again: “Are you listening to yourself? Kamila can’t save Thiago, Mom; she’s not a doctor, and she doesn’t have a cure for him. Have you lost your mind?”
“I refuse to lose another child!” she shouted, bursting into tears. “If Thiago dies, I can promise you I’ll be the next to go!”
Taylor glowered at her, and a few seconds later, he broke the silence: “Then I guess I’ll have to learn to live alone. No mother, no brother, no father, no sister. I can’t control that. But I’m not going to waste my life.”
He turned and walked off, glancing at me for a moment with disappointment in his eyes.
What did he expect me to do?
I agreed with Katia!
I needed to believe there was still a way!
There was, wasn’t there? There had to be!