Chapter 35 Erin
Erin
The men came quickly. Augusto was carried into one of the bedrooms and laid on his back to rest. I was assigned a different room upstairs with Paige.
We slept for a while then woke to the sound of my mother bustling around fetching coffees for everyone, and Mallorie fussing over us both.
Every now and then, Arrow would check in on us and Mallorie’s gaze would lift.
I assume she’s grateful for the way he treated Augusto’s stab wound.
The day passes in a blur of quiet voices, soft footsteps and small bites of food, then when night falls, Paige snuggles into my side and I sleep.
When morning comes again, I wake up, careful not to move in case I wake Paige. I stare at the ceiling, a sinking sensation pressing me into the comforter. I have to do it. I can’t drag it out. I have to tell Augusto we’re leaving.
The sound of heavy breathing makes my head turn.
He’s here.
Augusto is lying back in a chair in the corner of the room, fast asleep. He was nearly stabbed in the heart, yet he’s still made his way to us.
His shirt is gone, the dressing replaced with fresh bandages around his torso.
“Mom?” Paige whispers.
I turn to see her sitting up, her gaze locked on the same vision mine was a second ago.
“He left his room,” she says, frowning.
A figure shifts in the doorway and I look up to see my mother standing there with Mallorie hovering just behind her.
“He doesn’t want to be apart from you,” Paige says.
I swallow then glance up at Mallorie. My best friend knows me so well I don’t have to give her any words for her to know what I’m saying and what I need.
“Come on Paige,” she says, with a sad but resigned lilt to her voice. “Let’s give your mom and Augusto some space. I was going to take your grandma for a walk. You should join us.”
“Um, okay. That sounds good.”
I stand to give my daughter a tight hug then watch them leave.
When I hear their footsteps on the stairs, my gaze drifts back to him and I remember how he stitched me together with blood on his own hands. I remember how he looked more afraid of losing me than of dying himself.
Then I remember what I’ve come to understand with absolute clarity. This life will never stop being dangerous.
He shifts in the chair, waking slowly, his eyes locking onto mine as soon as they can.
“You’re awake,” he says, brokenly.
“So are you,” I smile.
His gaze scans me slowly. “How are you feeling?”
I rub a hand over my eyes. “Relieved,” I say, honestly. “But also…”
“Also what?”
I look back at him wearily. “Sad. I feel sad because…” I turn away, unable to look at him. “I have to leave.”
“It’s safe to go home now,” he murmurs.
“No, that’s not what I mean.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” I drift my gaze back to his. “I need to leave you. This life. I can’t be a part of it.”
His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat but he doesn’t speak.
“I have a daughter,” I remind him. “And I put her in danger.”
“You didn’t put her in danger, Erin. Gerard did.”
“But you live in the same world, Augusto.” I shrug my arms to the side. “I don’t want her to be a part of it. I’m sorry.”
He stares at me for a long moment then shifts in his chair. Wincing from the pain, he reaches into a back pocket of his jeans and pulls out an envelope. Then he holds it out.
“Then you must take this.”
I glance down at the envelope. It’s thick with green notes.
I shake my head, sadly. “I can’t take it.”
“You earned this, Erin.” He closes his eyes and snorts softly. “You really fucking earned this.”
“I wanted to be here. With you. You’ve taught me so much about myself these last few days. I don’t need payment for that.”
“Erin…” His voice is stern. “Please take the money. If… If you’re going to leave me, at least do me this one favor and take the goddamn cash.”
His eyes glisten. “You deserve a better life, my angel. You deserve to live in a beautiful house, with your beautiful daughter, with beautiful clothes and nothing to fear. You deserve…”
His voice cracks.
“You deserve to have the best of everything.”
A tear rolls down my cheek when I lower my eyes to the envelope. He drops it onto the bedside table. “Can I lie with you?” he asks, quietly.
My eyes flick back to his.
“Just… one last time, before you go?”
My breath trembles in my throat. “Yes. I’d like that.”
He lifts his hands and I help him get to his feet. He only needs to take one step and he drops onto the bed lying back against the pillows. He raises his good arm and lowers me beside him.
“The risk has gone, Erin,” he murmurs into my ear.
“For now,” I whisper. “But what happens when Morozov’s successor finds out about me and Paige? What happens then?”
He doesn’t answer, because he can’t.
I slowly slip the ring from my finger and glance up at his face.
“I want you to keep that,” he says, his tone firm.
“I can’t. It will just remind me of you.”
“So let it.”
“No, Augusto. I need to move on, for Paige’s sake.”
“Then sell it.”
Stubbornly, he doesn’t take the ring so I drop it onto the bedside table next to the envelope.
Silence stretches as we lie together, our bodies warming each other. When he speaks again, his words devastate me.
“Please Erin,” he says, roughly. “Are you sure you can’t stay?”
I pause. Apart from seeing Paige strapped in that chair with a gun pointed at her head, nothing has ever made me feel so sad. How did I get so attached to this man in such a short space of time? Is it because…
No, I can’t think it.
‘The one’ doesn’t exist for me. It just doesn’t.
But God we fit so well together, like we were simply… meant to be.
I swallow down the lump in my throat.
“I’m sure. Gerard was right. I’ve played a role all my life. It’s time I played myself. But the thing is, I’ve been someone else for so long, I don’t know who I am anymore. I need the space to figure that out.”
“Will you ever come back?” he asks.
I can’t answer that because it hurts too much.
“I can only think of my daughter right now. I can’t continue to raise her in this world,” I say. “Even if your version of it comes with kindness, and protection… And you.”
His brow furrows like it’s taking all his effort to remain composed.
“But what about you? But what about what you want?”
I close my eyes and feel another tear cascade down my face.
“That’s the problem,” I reply. “I’m falling for you. Recklessly. And that’s what makes this so hard. Please, Augusto. Please don’t make this harder for me than it already is.”
Another silence stretches between us.
“I would have given you everything,” he says.
“That’s not ‘not making it harder.’”
“But it’s true.”
“I know,” I say, unable to hold back more tears. “And that’s exactly why I have to leave before I start wanting it.”
He holds me with his good arm while I cry it all out, then he gently rolls me to my side, tucking my back into his stomach. His breath rolls over my cheek, getting deeper and hotter with every second.
I feel his fingers curl over my waistband as he tugs my pants down over my hips.
My breath sticks in my throat.
His length digs into my back. Even when we’re breaking up this thing that never started, he’s aroused for me.
With my pants tugged down over my ass, he drifts his fingers between my legs, into my heat. I stifle a moan when he touches my clit briefly.
“Tell me you don’t want this,” he whispers heavily.
My breaths shorten. “I can’t,” I murmur huskily. “I want it so badly.”
“I know, my angel. You’re wet for me. Will you be this wet for another man?”
I choke back a sob. “I don’t ever want to think about that.”
“Then don’t. Only think about me.”
His fingers leave my heat and the sound of a zipper behind me pricks the air. My heart lurches when I feel the hot, soft skin of his cock against my lower back.
“Give me your ass, my angel.”
I stiffen.
“Not that ass, Erin. The usual one.”
I sigh with relief and he chuckles gently. “I would spend some time breaking you in before going for that one,” he assures me.
It is reassuring until I remember there will be no breaking in of anything, because this is going to be the last time.
He tugs me into position then gently lifts my thigh giving him access. The angle is still tricky, especially with both of us injured. I reach between my legs and guide him.
Once the crown of his cock breaches my opening, he slides all the way in with a moan that sounds like he just found Nirvana.
He holds me still while he regulates his breathing, then slowly starts to thrust. He doesn’t pull out far.
It’s as if he wants to be as close to me as he can possibly get.
So his cock only moves in and out by an inch or two.
It feels divine and so incredibly intimate.
“You feel so perfect,” he whispers. “It’s never felt like this for me. This good.”
Me neither. I think it, but I don’t say it.
I curl my fingers into the comforter as he works me from behind, slowly and decadently, as if he wants to drag this out for as long as he can.
Lips brush beneath my ear and his fingers come up to my jaw, turning my head to the side. He presses a wet kiss to the corner of my mouth and the moan he releases is both pained and perfect.
He turns my head further so he can slide his tongue into my mouth while fucks me deeply.
Our breaths curl around each other, our lips sucking hard, and our tongues stroking back and forth.
It’s messy and uneven but I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Clamping my inner muscles around him, I pull his cock deep, feeling the crown rub against my g spot over and over again.
Between his cock and his firm hand both holding me in place, I’m contained and protected from the world. Protected, for now, from the grief of leaving him.
Tugging my bottom lip between his teeth he lowers his hand to my sex and flutters his fingers over my clit.
He pushes back up my body and takes a handful of breast, squeezing it with a groan.
Sweeping his one good hand across my stomach he reaches for the other breast pinching the nipple and seemingly memorizing every surface and contour.
“Augusto…” I whimper.
“I’ve got you, my angel,” he whispers. “I want you to come apart on my dick one last time. I want to feel you shake the way no other man has made you shake. I want to hear you gasp my name, one last time. Do you think you can do that for me, Erin?”
He pushes a thumb into my mouth and I suck on it softly, murmuring my agreement around it. I’ll give him anything in this moment so I’m thankful he just plugged my mouth before he can ask me again for the one thing I can’t give him.
“You’ve shattered me, my angel,” he continues, brokenly. “If this is the last time you say my name, I want it to be the one sound that follows me to my grave.”
His words tear me apart and I choke back a tortured cry. This can’t be happening. I’m devastated and falling apart in his arms but I’m flying on the crest of an orgasm, one that is going to rip me at the seams.
“Augusto—” I gasp.
“That’s it, angel. Come for me,” he coaxes, massaging his fingers over my clit as the tremors rock me from the inside out.
“Augusto… My God, Augusto…”
“Jesus,” he croaks, then fucks into me hard. “Yes, Erin.”
My fists squeeze the comforter as I come forcefully around him, shaking with the intensity. He doesn’t let up, thrusting into me again and again, even after he’s spent and leaking out of me.
He buries his face in my neck and emits a moan like a wounded animal. It brings all the tears to my eyes.
We hold each other like this for a long time, him seated inside me, his good arm wrapped tightly around my body. Silently, I make my peace with who we are and what we need to do. I can only hope he’s doing the same.
When I crawl out from beneath his arm and it slips back to the bed, I glance at his face and know that peace is too far out of reach for him. And that is all the more reason for me to leave. It will only get harder for both of us if I don’t.
I bend down to give him one last kiss. His lashes are damp but if any tears have fallen from his eyes, they’ve long since dried.
“Goodbye, August King,” I say.
He smiles sadly, and I leave the room, forcing myself to not turn back.