Chapter 11
CASSIE
It was like listening to them through a wall, their voices seeming to come from another room.
That had been the biggest surprise about being blind: books and movies always made it seem like blind people had superhuman hearing, like their other senses were heightened because of their lack of sight.
But I’d spent the last three days feeling like I was removed from everyone else, like we existed in separate apartments and I could only guess what they were doing upstairs from the sound of their footsteps walking in the kitchen, the water running for a bath.
Now I was suddenly alert, the tension palpable as Bram squared off with Hawk while Maeve moved the brush through my hair.
“It’s not for you to decide,” Bram said. “You’ve had your fun. This is serious.”
“All due respect,” Vigo’s sounded distracted, and I wondered what he was doing when I heard the rustle of fabric coming from the direction of his voice, “we found Cassie. We saw the car. We know it’s serious.”
“You couldn’t find serious with both hands and a flashlight,” Bram growled.
“You don’t know us.” Jagger’s voice was controlled, with an underlying anger that made me realize he was on edge.
“I know enough,” Bram said.
The conversation seemed apart from me, like they were talking about someone else. Not being able to see made me feel helpless, a leaf on the wind of everyone else’s desires and conversation.
“Cassie’s only been with us a month,” Hawk said.
Was I imagining the hint of desperation in his voice?
“If you think the Hunt means shit right now you’ve got another think coming,” Bram growled.
I closed my eyes, sinking into the sensation of Maeve separating my hair into sections.
“It’s not just about the Hunt. You know that, right Cass?” I felt Jagger’s gaze on my face. “You know we want you with us?”
I opened my eyes in surprise even though it didn’t change the view.
I’d spent the last three days completely numb, adrift in constant darkness.
The Hawks had given me a new phone (mine had been shattered in the accident), but I had no interest in talking to Daisy or Sarai, no interest even in the coffee shop and how Kaylee and Drew were faring without me.
Now I felt the first flutter of emotion in my chest, a sign of life.
The Hawks wanted me with them? Even now?
Bram broke in before I could answer Jagger’s question.
“It doesn’t matter what you want. You’re not equipped to take care of her.”
“We’re not idiots,” Hawk said. “We’re no less equipped than you.”
“You’re all missing the point.” Maeve’s voice was close behind me, her hands working quickly to plait my long hair.
“What’s the point?” Vigo asked.
“The point is, it’s not for any of you to decide,” Maeve said.
“Exactly.” Jagger sounded satisfied. “It’s Cassie’s decision.”
“Cass…” Bram said, “you know you should be with me. We’re family.”
I wasn’t sure I’d ever heard Bram plead, but he was pleading now.
And yet… I didn’t love the idea of moving into the loft with him, Maeve, Poe, and Remy. I would feel like a fifth wheel, like a guest.
An inconvenient guest.
The truth was, I didn’t like any of my options because they all involved my living with people who would have to take care of me to some degree.
It wasn’t like I couldn’t move — I’d figured out how to feel my way to the bathroom even though the nurse had said I should call for help — but there were things I didn’t yet trust myself to do alone, like cook a meal or take a shower.
Moving in with Bram meant being his little sister all over again. We’d fall back into our old rhythms: Bram sheltering me from the world while I came to view his protection as a safety net instead of a prison.
It would mean going backwards, and even though I was still numb, still wrapped in the strange swaths of cotton that separated me from the rest of the world, I didn’t want to go backwards.
And it wouldn’t be good for Bram either. He needed to move past being my babysitter, needed to live his own life while I lived mine, lives where we could be equals.
Plus, there was a part of me — a distant part shouting at me from underneath all that cotton — that didn’t want to say goodbye to the Hawks. That worried if I left now, whatever had been happening between us would be aborted, gone forever.
I wasn’t ready for that.
“I’m going home with the Hawks.”
Bram cursed. “You can’t— ”
“She told you what she wants,” Maeve said. It felt like she was twisting the hair tie on the end of my braid, and a moment later she tugged gently on the rope that hung down my back. “You’re all set, Cass.”
“Thanks.”
“What do you know about taking care of someone who can’t see?” Bram demanded.
“Probably about as much as you,” Hawk said.
“We’ll figure it out,” Jagger said.
“Yeah, we know how to take care of our mouse,” Vigo added. “Unrelated, these hospital gowns are pretty comfortable. It’s like wearing a dress.”
“I’m sure Hawk, Jagger, and Vigo will manage,” Maeve said.
“I can’t believe you’re defending them.” Bram sounded wounded.
Maeve rose from the bed and I heard her boots on the floor as she crossed the room toward him. “I’m not defending anyone but Cassie. It’s her decision. She can change her mind at any time and come stay with us.”
“It’s settled then.” I would have known Hawk’s voice anywhere, but I knew he was close because he took my hand. Knew it was him because I recognized the familiar security of it. “Cassie comes with us.”