Chapter Sixteen
Allegra
I laid in the dark on Cooper’s satin sheets, trying to make sense of what had happened in the past twenty-four hours. My mind was racing, and I was having trouble keeping up with all of these new developments. Bianca kneaded the sheets next to me, her claws catching on the satin, most likely snagging it. But, since I wasn’t here by choice, I refused to feel bad for it.
It was Cooper’s fault I was in this mess.
But even as the thought crossed through my mind, I wondered if there was any chance that my father could be involved. It was odd that he was in Paris since the bulk of his operations were in Milan, but I hadn’t given it too much thought, considering it just a strange coincidence.
Should I tell Cooper?
My gut turned as I envisioned telling him that I was a giant hypocrite and was the offspring of a man who was a vicious, cruel dictator. My father granted no mercy, took no prisoners, and left nothing but despair in his wake. I knew that he’d been involved with drugs, weapons, and even orchestrated large hits on entire factions of what he considered to be his competitors. But my father operated in plain sight, so this type of stealthy attack, having me followed, wasn’t his signature .
It was easy to convince myself that this was entirely Cooper’s dealing. Besides, I’d been living in relative peace, Tomas aside, for years now. There would be no reason for me to get wrapped up in any type of underground dealings that my father commanded.
I continued to toss and turn in Cooper’s room, lying in his sheets. I could only imagine the sheer volume of women who had come before me (literally and figuratively.) Beautiful women that Cooper had seduced and screwed all night. Suddenly the thought made me ill, and I ran to the bathroom, feeling the buildup of sweat along my hairline.
“Allegra?”
Cooper stood in the bathroom doorway, looking at me with heavy eyes. The top floor of his building was basically an entire bedroom suite, but the actual bed was directly against the wall on the far-right side, with a wall preventing direct viewing access to the bed. The wall stopped on each side, creating a walkway on each side of the alcove. The bathroom was just off of the sleeping area.
“Are you okay?” He watched me as I fiddled with the copper tabs on the faucet, letting the water get cool. I dipped my hand in, then placed some of the cold water on the back of my neck.
“I’m fine, it’s just been a long day.”
He nodded, his sweatpants low on his hips. His shirt was gone, and he was barefoot. There was a five o’clock shadow on his face, and somehow that made him even more handsome. He wasn’t one to dress up, and aside from the event supporting the hospital, I hadn’t seen him in anything but jeans or athletic apparel. He had looked dashing in his tuxedo that night, but I found I preferred him like this. Cooper wasn’t the type of man who needed to wear a power suit; he exuded control and confidence in whatever he wore, simply by manipulating the handsome features that made up his face.
“Do you want a drink? Maybe something to take the edge off? Scotch? Wine?” He looked awkward, leaning against the door of his own bathroom, watching me with those observant eyes.
“That might not be a bad idea,” I conceded, knowing that I was so wound up that sleep wouldn’t come easily. Cooper motioned for me to follow him, and I made my way out of his bedroom space and back out to the living area. He had a small bar in the corner, along with a refrigerator and a sink. Standing behind the bar, he looked at me.
“So, what’ll it be?”
“Red wine, if you have it.”
He smirked. “I have everything.”
I couldn’t help but challenge him slightly. I guess I was used to it after challenging him during our therapy sessions. “Do you really have everything, Cooper? Is this dangerous lifestyle really the way you want to live your life? You’re in so deep that your entire house is basically a bunker. You’ve encased yourself in a prison. It’s a beautiful prison, but a gilded cage is still a cage.”
Cooper frowned, then popped the cork off a bottle of wine. He was silent as he poured the burgundy liquid into the glass, then he poured a pale golden liquid into another, and I assumed it was scotch. Padding over to the sofa, he handed me the wine. Instead of sitting next to me, like before, he sat on an oversized chair next to the couch. He took a long drink before he finally looked at me again.
“It’s who I am, Allegra. Take away all of this”—he gestured around the room—”and I’m no one. No one important, certainly no one interesting. My business is what makes me who I am.” He set his drink down on the coffee table.
“I don’t believe that for a second.”
Cooper launched to his feet, anger just underneath the surface of his usually calm demeanor. He moved in like a jackal, and for a moment, I felt like prey. He sank to his knees in front of me, wincing slightly as he bore some of his weight on his bad leg. “Really? Look at me,” he growled, and I couldn’t help but stare into his eyes. They were deep chocolate, and despite his frown, they were full of a beautiful warmth. “I’m a thief. A murderer. An opportunist. A womanizer. That’s all I’ll ever be. Don’t paint me as the hero of your story—because I’m most certainly the villain.”
His tone was harsh, but his eyes were pleading. Almost as if he was begging me to agree with him, to condemn him and end this…whatever it was between us. He was trying to frighten me, goading me into conceding. But for some reason, his speech had the opposite effect. Underneath his self-degradation, he was raw.
Broken.
Brittle.
Instead of flinching and moving away, I took his cheeks in my hands. He closed his eyes at the touch, exhaling deeply. His breathing was shaky, and I watched his naked chest moving with each trembling breath he took .
I should have walked away. Left the room. Demanded he let me go back to my apartment. My mind was screaming at me, telling me that spending another second around this man was the absolute last thing I should be doing. But instead, I leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips, wanting to fix whatever hurt he was carrying inside.
Cooper opened his eyes, and a flash of surprise crossed his chiseled features. “Allegra—”
“Don’t say another word. I don’t want to hear it.” I moved back in, and he groaned, grabbing me by the waist and shifting me onto his lap. He circled my mouth with his tongue, seeking permission to deepen the kiss. I instantly complied, losing myself in his masculine scent and warm hands. His fingers traced circles all over my thighs, which were bare since I was wearing his shirt.
“I’m not good for you,” he murmured, pulling away from my lips and snaking a hand underneath my shirt. His large hands went to my breasts, touching them softly at first, getting to know all of me, and then massaging deeper. His mouth nipped at my collarbone, and a shiver went through my entire body. As soon as he felt me shudder, he smiled and pulled the tee-shirt over my head. Completely exposed to the cold room, I moved my hand to cover myself instinctively. But instead, he grabbed my arms and held them back behind me. His hands were so massive that he was able to hold both my wrists with one hand, while the other made quick work of his pants. Once he was undressed, his fingers found the lace of my panties and he pulled them down my legs.
This time I whimpered, and a bit of fear rolled through me. I could feel my heart rate increase, and worry instantly grabbed at my chest. What if it didn’t work this time? Last time was so unexpected, and I wondered if that was some of the reason he was able to work himself partially inside of me. My mind started spiraling, and I felt my entire body clench in panic.
Cooper noticed immediately. “What’s wrong, ma belle ?” His gaze immediately met mine.
“Nothing,” I said, trying not to let my mind get the better of me and ruin this.
“Bullshit. Tell me. Now.” His voice left no room for argument, and he let go of my hands. As soon as I was free from his grasp, I crossed my arms in front of my chest, embarrassed.
“It’s just…maybe this isn’t a good idea.” I glanced around the room, looking anywhere but at the man before me.
His hand cupped my cheek, and he gently turned my head to look at him. “Allegra, something is wrong. And I have a feeling it’s something to do with some trauma—you’ve endured.”
I gulped. Cooper was more insightful than I gave him credit for. I shouldn’t have been surprised, he had to be good at reading people and puzzling out things in order to run his evil empire.
“You can tell me, sweetheart. I promise, whatever it is, I’ll fix it.” He ran a finger up and down my bare arm, and I shivered.
If only it was that simple. “It’s hard to talk about. It’s an uncomfortable subject…”
“You’ve taken a bullet out of my shoulder, and I’ve been inside of you. I think we can be honest with each other.”
“That’s just it…” I struggled for the words. I’d ne ver explained my troubles with anyone outside of my doctor and therapist, but something about Cooper made me feel like he was…safe. Which was ironic, considering that I was being stalked because of him. “I’m not sure if you were actually…in…”
He looked confused for a second, then gave a wry smile. “I might be a little big for you baby, but that’s nothing to worry about. We can work on it. Practice makes perfect—”
I sighed, cutting him off. “It’s not that…I just…I have trouble being…intimate. In that way…it got worse after Tomas, and—”
His smirk disappeared, and I felt my face redden. I suddenly wanted to disappear, shrivel into myself. I looked away, hot shame creeping up my neck.
“Hey. Look at me.” Once again, he placed his hand on my cheek, forcing me to look into his eyes. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” He gulped, and then his eyes met mine quickly. “Did he hurt you?” His entire body tensed, and for a second I thought he was going to combust.
“He….” I struggled for the words, not wanting Cooper to know the extent of my experiences with Tomas, but I also felt like I owed him an explanation, especially since he was the one to finally rid me of the asshole. “I never felt safe with him, and he pushed me for things I wasn’t…it was just a bad situation.” I hung my head, embarrassed that I’d let Tomas have so much power over me.
Cooper clenched his fists. “I’ll kill him. With my bare hands.”
“Cooper, calm yourself. It wasn’t all him, but he did make it worse. I…I have a medical condition where I te nse up inside whenever I’ve attempted…intercourse.” The last sentence nearly did me in, and I felt a tear start in the corner of my eye.
Cooper was there in a second. He crawled back on the couch and pulled me onto his lap again. He was still naked, and I could feel his erection straining against me. At least I knew he still wanted me, was still aching to be in me, despite my…shortcomings.
“Hush, sweetheart. I wondered…you were so…tight…but trust me, it was still the best sex of my life.”
“Don’t humor me, Cooper. I’m a big girl. You don’t have to pretend—”
“I’m not pretending.” His gruff tone was back, but he quickly dropped it. “I find you…you’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever been with.” His face angled down to my body, touching me everywhere, carefully, as if to prove he wanted every single bare bit of me. His fingers pressed into my waist, his large hands reaching down and rubbing my backside lightly.
My mouth dropped slightly. I searched his face, finding nothing but sincerity in his gaze. He was telling the truth. That single admission was more shocking to me than finding out that he was a criminal mastermind.
“I…I don’t know what to say. I’d worked through it, but then Tomas came along—”
“There’s nothing to say, Allegra. I want you. I want any part of you I can have. I’m not going to pretend that I’m good for you, or that what we have is healthy. But I promise, you’ll always be safe with me in bed. It might make me a pig to say it, but I’ll be the best you’ve ever been with. I’m not the type of guy that has girlfriends, and I’m not going to get married or leave my work. That’s the bottom line. But…I can’t stay away from you. Maybe…maybe we should just let this run its course. Enjoy what we have for as long as it lasts.”
I wasn’t looking for a commitment, but his brutal honesty hurt me for a split second. But there was no way I was going to marry someone like Cooper, and it would be a lie to pretend I didn’t want him.
“You’re right…let’s just enjoy this while we can.”
Cooper grinned. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He leaned in and kissed me on the forehead, and then grabbed the tee-shirt I was borrowing from where it had fallen on the floor. He helped me back into it, and then replaced his sweatpants.
I was instantly confused. “Did I ruin the moment…?”
“Absolutely not, angel. But now that I know what you need, we’re going to take things slow. You need to trust me fully before we jump back into bed together.”
I frowned. I wasn’t sure if I could ever trust someone from the underworld. But I didn’t admit that, and instead followed him back to bed. “What are you doing?”
He pulled back the covers. “You need cherishing tonight. Not sex.”
I hesitated, then crawled into his bed. Cooper went to the other side and lifted the sheets to join me. A sharp hiss sounded, and Bianca instantly arched her back, tail thick and quivering.
“Bianca!” I scolded. She looked at me, then back at Cooper, and jumped down from the bed, most likely heading off to sulk somewhere. “Sorry,” I mumbled towards Cooper.
He said nothing, but moved closer to the center of the bed. His arms instantly went around my middle, and he pulled me into his hard chest. The scent of scotch hit my nose, along with his cologne.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I’m just not an animal person myself.”
I let my head fall back towards his chest, and I exhaled deeply. I felt calm again, but one single thought kept running through my mind.
“Cooper…until this…runs its course, can you…will I be the only one in your bed?”
He was quiet for a long moment. “I’m surprised you thought you’d have to ask.”
“I just—I can only imagine how many women you’ve had in this bed, and I can’t be with you if I knew you were still with them, and—”
“You can rest assured, ma belle . No woman has been in this bed but you—and I doubt that will change, no matter what happens in the future.”