Chapter 24
ROSE
Ican’t believe I said the words that have been on the tip of my tongue all day. I’m guessing Julius isn’t a man who is lost for words often, but he is now.
He is obviously shocked, and I sense the storm raging inside him. If anything, he appears angry, and my heart sinks. He doesn’t want me. It’s obvious, and I bite down hard on my lip, wishing I could take the words back but accepting I would never rest until I voiced them.
He is the risk my heart is taking before my mind can beg me to stop.
“Rose.” He exhales sharply and fixes me with a frown.
“Do you understand what you are asking?”
“Of course.” I maintain a blank expression because if he is going to hurt my heart, I won’t let him witness it.
He tugs me down beside him onto the couch, and as he holds my hand, it’s as if he is about to explain one of life’s lessons to a child.
“It’s been two days since you left the convent you were about to dedicate your life to. Now you are asking me to marry you with no regard for the outcome.”
“I’m not stupid.” I straighten my back and fix some fire in my eyes.
“You said yourself I am a target. I am being hunted, and today was an example of that. My theory is to remove the bait. If I’m already married, it’s game over.”
He stares and then appears to relax and nods, leaning back against the couch, his expression a blank one.
“So you want to marry me to keep the threat away.”
“I’m not using you, Julius.”
“It doesn’t sound like that to me.”
“Think about it.” I implore him, hoping I don’t sound like an overeager schoolgirl.
“It makes perfect sense. We marry as soon as possible, and the threat is extinguished. We have time before Tiffany is required to marry and um–”
I break off, and Julius adds softly, “Is pregnant with her first child.”
“Yes, um, that.”
I’m unsure where to look because if I’m honest, I never thought this through and Julius sighs, running his fingers through his hair as he struggles to form a sentence.
I realize I’ve shocked him. It was pretty obvious, so I wait for him to digest this new information, and after a while, he huffs, “I could use a drink. Fuck this has been a helluva day.”
“Would you like me to fetch you one?”
I’m anxious, and if anything, his expression softens, and he reaches for my hand once again.
“No, Rose.”
I’m surprised when he pulls me a little closer and his soft smile reassures me—a little.
“Do you realize what you’re asking, baby? Marriage isn’t a contract I take lightly, and neither should you. It’s for life, much like the commitment you were preparing to make to God just a few days ago. You are making decisions based on fear, and I will never allow that.”
“Don’t you want to marry me?”
I throw it out there and the way his eyes bore deep into mine steals my breath as he leans closer and whispers, “If you had asked me that two days ago I would have said no. If you had asked me yesterday, I would have said maybe.”
“But I’m asking you today.” I smile and I’m surprised when he leans closer, his breath dusting my face. It’s as if my world stops spinning as I freeze, anticipating something I have only imagined before, and as his lips rest against mine, I close my eyes because I am so ready for this.
His finger trails lightly down my cheek, and he whispers, “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met and the sweetest. Why would I destroy that by chaining you to my side for eternity?”
My eyes flicker open as disappointment sits heavy on my heart.
He’s going to say no.
A huge wave of desolation hits me as I anticipate his refusal, and as his thumb rubs against my cheekbone, he whispers, “I am not a decent man, Rose. You told me yourself that is all you want. I am not that man. I am cold, callous, rude and dangerous. I have killed many men and haven’t given that hobby up yet.
I seek danger and thrive on it. My business is corrupt, and my future bleak.
I am not a decent man, Rose, not even close, so why in the hell would you want to marry a man like me? ”
This is so intense, and yet I have never felt so alive.
Julius makes life real, to count for something.
My heart beats faster, and my smile is wider.
My pulse races, and laughter bubbles around my full heart.
He awakens unknown desires inside me and provides companionship outside of anything I have ever had before.
He is a protective force in an uncertain world, and I know I’m safe with him.
Being with him is like stepping off a ledge and discovering I can fly. I am alive with him by my side, and he is the piece that has been missing in my life that I never realized was lost.
“Because to me you are already everything, Julius.”
I blink, unsure if I did the right thing in asking him. For some reason, I know in my heart it was the right thing to do, and yet he is hesitating. He is probably regretting ever agreeing to escort me to Washington, and now I have put him in a position he is uncomfortable with.
“If I marry you–” His dark gaze burns into mine, and I hitch my breath.
“It will not be a convenient get out of hell free card. It will be real, a proper marriage, and I’m not certain you can accept that.”
I’m not sure where he is going with this, and I’m shocked when he drops his hand, and I feel it slide up my leg. The skirt I am wearing is pushed up, and as his hand burns against my skin, I experience a rush of heat through my entire body.
“I would touch you, Rose.”
His voice is deep, husky and edged in passion.
“I would explore your body; it would be mine to own.”
I blink, the nerves crashing against a surprising need building inside me.
“We would sleep together, be intimate with one another, and you would bear my children. Have you really thought this one through, Rose, because life isn’t a fairy tale. Not when I’m involved, anyway.”
“I–”
My lips are dry, and I flick my tongue over them, staring at him like a startled fawn at the end of a hunter’s gun.
“I repeat, I am not a nice man, Rose, and you would never be free from me. Is that what you want, to dedicate your life to the devil rather than God because you would be.”
His fingers trace the elastic around my panties, and I gasp, unsure why my body is bending more toward him than away.
“I–”
He leans forward, his lips finding my neck, and as his teeth bite into the flesh, I freeze.
I never realized hearts could beat this fast, and as his tongue trails a path down my cheek, his fingers push through the barrier, rubbing hard against my pulsing clit.
“Julius...” I don’t know why I said his name, almost to remind myself that he is really doing this, and before I can object, his lips grab hold of mine in a surprising attack.
His kiss isn’t soft; it’s hard and demanding, passionate even.
As his tongue crashes into my mouth and tangles with mine, a small moan escapes me. My body is wired as he pulls me closer, devouring my lips in a hard, brutal onslaught.
For some reason I love it and reaching up, tangle my fingers in his hair as I kiss him back. God only knows how I match him, but I do. My first kiss — and what a kiss this is! With a man like Julius Ravera who never figured in my wildest imagination.
I am delirious with desperation because it’s not enough. Will it ever be enough? Because somehow I am craving something I believe only he can give me.
His fingers retreat, and his mouth leaves me, and he rests his head against mine, and his tone is hoarse.
“Ask me again, baby girl, now that you are aware of the cost.”
My breath hitches as my body throbs, desperate for some kind of release that I’m guessing only he can give me.
“Will–” I falter as his gaze burns into mine, intense, passionate and angry. The devil’s eyes.
My inner voice is screaming at me as it covers its eyes and wails like a banshee.
‘Ask him!’ Screams the impetuous voice inside my head while my heart is pleading, ‘He’s the one. You want him.’
My head is waging a huge war with my desire right now, and yet when I imagine not asking him, I already know I’m lost.
He isn’t safe, not even close. He’s not a decent man and doesn’t pretend to be. Loving him would never be safe, never the right thing for a girl like me, but in my heart I already accept that loving him is inevitable.