Chapter 17 #2
“I’m not fucking with you. I’m showing you I’m for real.
I’m not going to keep you a secret and decide later that this isn’t for me.
Whatever happens between us is happening for a reason, and I won't regret it, no matter what,” I tell him with urgency.
The quicker I convince him, the faster we can enjoy things together.
“You say that because you want to try something new, but I’ve seen this before. I know how it ends, and it’s not in my favor. I don't want to be your novelty,” he insists, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms.
I lean toward him, resting my elbows on my knees and gripping his thighs with my hands. “So tell me about those other guys and what happened. Let me learn from their mistakes so I don't repeat them. I don't want to make you feel like they did. You deserve so much better than that.”
He raises one hand to his face and rubs his eyes, like I’m exhausting him with my continued arguments.
Good. I want to wear him down. I’m stubborn as hell, and now that I’ve set my sights on what I want, I’m determined to get it.
He blows out a breath and cups his cheek as he looks at me with helpless blue eyes, and I know I’ve gotten through to him, at least a little bit.
Our server returns with our drinks. “What can I get you, guys?”
I tilt my head at Tucker, asking silently if he’ll let me order for him. He shuts his eyes and nods briefly. I smile victoriously and turn to the woman, looking at us expectantly.
“We’ll start with the Southern spread and crab cakes, please. I’ll have the chef’s grilled chicken chopped salad with a side of fries, and the Southern gentleman here will have the fried chicken. Thanks.”
She nods and walks off to put our orders in.
“Did I do okay?” I ask Tucker.
Reluctantly, he nods and drops his arms. “Not knowing what else is on the menu, that sounds fine enough.”
“It was the chicken or the Carolina trout, but I thought something a little heavier would work. That, and I want a bite since I ordered a meal that fits my nutrition plan instead of splurging like I wanted to.” I smile at him when he raises an eyebrow at me.
“Oh, you get me the fatty meal while you get the salad so you can keep your pretty figure, but you still want a bite?” he asks with a growl.
“You think I’m pretty?” I ask, leaning toward him with a grin.
“You’re impossible,” he groans, but he’s smiling and looking more relaxed than he was earlier, which means he’s in a better headspace to talk.
“Ok, back to my earlier question. What happened with the other guys?” I ask, dropping the playful tone.
“This is gonna take some backstory.” He blinks and blows out a breath as he runs a hand over his beard with a rasp before he begins.
“I’ve known I was gay since I was twelve.
Do you know how hard it is to just be yourself and like who you want when you’re growing up gay in the Bible Belt?
I came out to my immediate family when I was fourteen.
I hadn’t planned to come out publicly, but my cousins learned about it and told the whole school. ”
“Wow, your own family did you dirty?” I ask with trepidation, thinking about my large extended family in New York and the unspoken rule of family coming first, no matter what.
As annoying as it is to have my mom want to be so involved in my life, I know it comes from a place of love.
I have no fear of anyone in my family selling me out from a place of mean-spiritedness or wanting to profit off of me.
They’d just ask me to my face for whatever they needed if that were the case.
“They’re pretty shitty humans and liked to humiliate and harass me even before they knew I was gay, so this was pretty on brand for them.
” He shrugs and doesn't seem too bothered by the whole thing, so I don't comment further.
“Well, that started the expected treatment, and people in my classes tried to bully me.”
I place a hand on his thigh and hope it’s as reassuring as his touch has been for me. “People are fucked up. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
He eyes me seriously. “It’s something for you to consider.
If you want to be with me and you think this is something you're willing to change your life for, it won't all be jacking off over FaceTime and instant acceptance from strangers like our nice server. The world is cruel, and even now, there’s so much hate for those of us who love differently than what most of society says is right. You need to be prepared for the fallout and expect it no matter what.”
“I’m perfectly capable of dealing with the opinions of others, Tucker.
I live in the public eye, remember? I have plenty of people in my business daily, opining about my playing style, and if I sucked during a game, telling me how I could have done better with passes I missed, or shots I could have taken.
They let me know my cardio is shit and I should be upping my conditioning, and even weighing in on if the suit I wore for walk-ins made me look fat.
I’m used to it. It hardly gets to me now.
You think someone getting on me for liking your dick is going to get under my skin?
” I laugh because that’s the least of my fucking worries.
“I would be so lucky if that was all they cared about. It hurts more when they say I play worse than their grandma, who’s never been on skates before. ”
He scoffs. “You’re flippant now, but you don't know what it’s like to be the constant target of abuse just because you're different. The verbal slurs and comments about my preferences were bad enough, but it got worse when I was targeted by groups. I’ve always been a big motherfucker, and they didn’t feel like they could take me one-on-one, but you get five of them together to corner me in a hallway or outside of the Dairy Queen, and they were brave enough.
The worst thing wasn't the bullying. It was that some of those same guys were the ones who’d secretly wanted to fool around and see what it was all about, and loved getting their dick sucked or going balls deep in my ass in the back of my truck just weeks before, and then pretended to not know me and give me hell for who I am. ”
His story fucking breaks my heart. How can anyone be so…fucking horrendous?
But if I dig deep, I know the truth of it, and he’s right. People are the worst, and I should expect this if we’re going down this road. I take his hands and squeeze.
“I hear you, and I know it won't be easy. You gotta stop trying to warn me off. I know this will come with its own set of challenges. Every relationship requires work, so thanks for letting me know what to expect for this one upfront. You’re making it easier to anticipate the pitfalls and jump scares that will hit me rather than be surprised by them at random times. It feels good to have someone a bit more versed in this to give me the rundown.” I smile and hope he’ll relax and just give in already.
“Just remember, every relationship comes with its own set of rules and issues, beyond what the outside world brings to it, so even knowing all that awaits us, we’d have plenty to overcome together anyway. ”
“You really don't want to be persuaded otherwise,” he says, a note of awe in his voice.
“Hi, my name’s Sebastian Montenegro. My teammates call me Monty, and everyone knows I’m a determined asshole and stubborn as all hell. Nice to meet you. Wanna rub dicks together or whatever it is we’re gonna do?” I ask, sticking my hand out as I smile widely.
He bats my hand away. “I don't even know what to do with you.” He shakes his head, barely holding back his snicker.
“I’ve already told you what you can do with me, but you keep shutting me down. Maybe if you gave in and gave me a try, you’d realize it wasn’t so bad after all?” I argue.
“You have a kid, and you live in the public eye with your job. Don't be impulsive and irrational because you want to try something new. I’m not that much of a novelty. Just give it a few days, okay? I’ll see you at the game later this week. We can talk after that.”
I let my hand drop along with my hopes. This motherfucker is just as stubborn as me, and I’m going to prove that I’m worth his time, even if I have to glue myself to him.