Chapter 18 #2
Finally, I sit at my kitchen table, the envelope between my hands, stomach churning as clarity washes over me.
Gabriel’s betrayal had been real. Accessing my sealed juvenile record was a violation. But in the cold light of day, with Jade’s words about revenge still ringing in my ears, I see the difference between what Gabriel did and what I’ve done.
Gabriel accessed my records out of fear for my safety and not knowing enough to protect me. Misguided, yes. A violation of trust, absolutely. But rooted in protection, however warped.
This envelope, on the other hand, holds a secret Gabriel had trusted me with, his deepest insecurity and pain. And I weaponized it. Not to protect him or myself, but to wound him where it would hurt most.
This isn’t justice. It’s vengeance. And it’s the same violation I’m furious at Gabriel for committing, only worse, because mine was intentionally cruel.
I lurch to my feet, the chair scraping across the floor. My stomach turns as I walk toward the trash can, envelope in hand. But leaving it there is too careless. If it fell into the wrong hands and the information made it to the news channels...
I grip it with both hands, preparing to tear it to shreds, and pain flashes across my thumb. I jerk my hand back, watching as a thin line of red beads up from the slice left by the torn edge of the envelope.
I wait for the familiar quiet to follow.
It doesn’t come.
Before I can react, the sound of knuckles on wood freezes me in place.
Three knocks, hesitant this time, with pauses between each one. Not the business-like rap of the Blue Note runner.
My heart lurches. If it were Micah, come to confront me, he’d use his key. Same with Rowan. That leaves only one possibility.
I open the door with the envelope clutched in my hand, torn edge facing my chest. Gabriel stands in the hallway, and the sight of him knocks the air from my lungs.
He looks destroyed, his hair unwashed and sticking up in odd directions, dark circles carved beneath his eyes, clothes wrinkled like he’s been sleeping in them for days. His shoulders slump forward, stripped of his easy confidence.
For a moment, we stare at each other, the silence between us thick with words neither of us can bring ourselves to say.
“I realize I’m the last person you want to see.” The unforgiving hall light reveals how worn he looks despite the tan. “But I couldn’t leave things the way they were.”
I grip the doorframe with my free hand, needing the support.
“I accessed your records to figure out if someone from your past could be a threat,” Gabriel continues, his words tumbling out in a rush.
“Not because I wanted to expose you or use the information against you. I should have told you as soon as I got the file, or just come to you for the information. That was my mistake.”
He runs a hand through his hair, leaving it more disheveled than before. “Sebastian detected unusual activity around your legal identity. Someone was digging, pulling information from sealed databases. We needed to know what they found so we could protect you. That’s why I petitioned for access.”
He squares his shoulders. “I never read the details of what happened to you in juvie. I swear, Saint. I only skimmed for information about potential enemies.”
His eyes drop, landing on the torn envelope in my hand, and confusion puckers his brow, followed by shock as the blood drains from his face.
“What is that?” Gabriel asks, unease underscoring the question as if he already knows. “Is that what I think it is?”
My fingers tighten around the envelope, the torn edge digging into my palm. I try to form words, to offer an explanation or denial, but my mouth opens on silence.
The truth sits in my hand, undeniable.
Gabriel’s expression fractures with pain, betrayal, and disbelief all at once. His breathing changes, each inhale shallow and quick as he sways on his feet.
“You tested my DNA.”
The truth of what I’ve done crashes over me in waves. While I stood in righteous anger over my exposed secrets, I violated his with intentional cruelty.
Gabriel steadies himself on the doorframe, his knuckles white with pressure. The silence between us damns me more than any accusation could.
“I wanted to hurt you,” I choke out. “I wanted you to experience what I felt.”
His laugh holds no humor, the broken sound cutting through me. “Congratulations. Mission accomplished.”
The envelope in my hand grows heavier with each passing second. “I was going to destroy it.”
“But you didn’t,” Gabriel says softly. “You ordered it. You collected my DNA. You sent it away to be tested.”
I flinch at each statement.
“I came here to set things right.” His quiet devastation carves a hole in my chest. “To apologize for betraying your trust. My desire to protect you doesn’t justify my actions.”
His eyes meet mine, stripped of all defenses. “But now I’m not sure there’s anything left worth fixing.”
This isn’t a fight anymore. It’s a fundamental breach that undermines everything we might have become, and Gabriel doesn’t wait for a response.
He takes a step back, then another, and panic shoots through me.
“Gabe—”
“Don’t.” The gentle command somehow hurts more than anger ever would. “There’s nothing you can say right now that won’t make this worse.”
He turns and walks away down the hallway, and I let him go, unable to call out, unable to move from my spot in the doorway.
The sound of the stairwell door closing echoes, leaving me alone, and this time, it feels permanent.
I shut the door and slide down it until I hit the floor, knees pulled to my chest. My head is clear for the first time in days, and the clarity hurts more than the whiskey or razor blades ever did.
This might break me in a way juvie never did. Because I did this to myself, destroying something I didn’t realize I needed until it was too late.