Hailee
Alex has become more of a ghost after the fundraiser. I’m not sure he’s even staying at the mansion anymore.
It might be because of Ford’s comment. Or that he knows he’s at risk of going too far with me. But it might also be because of the gossip.
After Saturday night, social media and city tabloids have been quick to make us an item. There’s a picture of us walking out of the mansion together. Alex holds my hand protectively by the fingers as I walk behind him.
It’s a sweet picture, and not just because of the hand holding. I can see why they ran it. We both look gorgeous. My head is slightly down and turned, making my jawline look sharper than it actually is, and Alex is looking dead ahead, the burning cobalt of those eyes captured by the flash.
I’ve gotten texts from people I haven’t seen since high school, and I’ve had to set all my socials to private.
The irony is it’s Wednesday now, and despite living with Alex, I still haven’t had a conversation with this new “boyfriend” of mine.
Whatever our dynamic was before the fundraiser has all but burned down to ashes. The next time I see him, I’m fully expecting to get the old curt nod like I’m nothing but an intern. I don’t even see him at work anymore, being that I’ve been operating out of the fifty-fifth floor since the money-laundering story broke.
I’m getting lunch with Sophia today in the building’s lobby.
My heart beats fast when I see her. I’m not even going to bring up what Ford said. I know if I tell her, she’ll think I believe it’s true.
If I was a good friend, I’d bury it. I’d sum it up as a drunk, narcissistic ex trying to torpedo our friendship.
Sophia and I hug and sit down.
“You look pretty intact.” Sophia leans forward and looks at my wrists. “No rope burns. Has he even shown you the sex dungeon?”
I pull my hands away and smile. “No. I’m not lying when I text. I’ve hardly seen him since I moved in.”
“What? And here I believe the papers,” she says sarcastically. “I thought you were married already.”
“No luck.”
“So when are you having Alana and me over? I promise we won’t steal any art. We just want to gawk.”
“As soon as his security detail can scan your passports. Alex says he wants you vetted.”
“Vetted? Like I’m a spy? Why doesn’t he just look at our Instagrams? Nothing says spy like my dozens of photos of Steve.”
Steve is not a boyfriend. He’s her furry orange tabby cat. But I’ll admit he is a looker.
I shake my head. “You’d think, but he doesn’t have any socials.”
“Does he even have family?”
“I haven’t figured that out.”
“You should crack this egg. But you know, be safe about it. In case he killed his parents and used his inheritance to start a mining company.”
I smile. “I thought living with him, I’d see Alex Blackwell as a human, but it’s only made him more of an enigma.”
“Damn. I was hoping you two would be picking wedding dates by now.”
“Sophia.”
“Okay, okay. Enough about big, scary Alex. How’s your narcolepsy been?” Sophia asks, her eyes a little narrowed with worry.
“It’s been good. No incident’s really.” I knock on the wood table.
“Your job has got to be a shot of espresso right now.”
“I don’t know about that.” I tap my fingers on my water glass. I’ve vented to Sophia before about my job plenty of times. She knows I don’t feel like I’m in the right field.
“I know this may sound a little crazy.” Sophia leans across the table. “But I heard of this proposal to create a new National Forest in Washington State. It’s being led by some finance billionaire who wants to donate every last dollar before he dies. Anyway, it’s like actual sustainability. A friend who works for Green Peace told me the Department of the Interior is hiring a good number of people for the project.”
I’d heard about this, too. It was front page news when the proposal passed.
“It’s field work, yeah?” I ask. “I’d be in Washington if I took a job with them.”
“Yeah… forget I said anything. I don’t want you moving across the country. Your job can’t suck that much, right?”
I stare at the table and tilt my head and grimace.
Sophia laughs. “Okay, fair enough. They’re having a kick-off rally in Central Park.”
“Why Central Park?”
“This is where the rich guy lives.”
“Of course it is.” Nerves constrict my throat as I realize where I plan on taking this conversation. “Speaking of rich guys, you know the fundraiser Alex and I went to?” I had texted the girls about Saturday night and sent pictures of my dress before they saw the pictures online the next day, but I didn’t give them any specific details about the night.
“Of course, sexy. Say, if you ever get sick of your job, I could get you a gig as a nude sculpture model. Seriously.”
Sophia seems like she’s in a good mood, and I’m nervous I’m about to ruin it if I bring up what Ford said.
Ruin her mood and our relationship. This is just what Ford wanted, isn’t it? He gave me a hand grenade, but I’m the one who’s about to detonate it.
“I ran into Ford there.”
Sophia’s nose wrinkles. “Oh no.”
“We talked. Or he talked to me…more like.” I’ve already been awkward since Sophia showed up. If I don’t ask her this, our relationship might be tainted anyway. “He tried to insinuate that you and he… hooked up last week.”
Sophia’s eyes widen. At first with shock and then a kind of sadness. A sadness from the fact that she knows I might believe Ford was telling the truth.
“I know. I know,” I say before she can respond. “He’s a manipulative shit. I don’t believe him. Not for a second. I even called him out and told him so. You were seeing David on that second date anyway. I know you’re not exclusive with him yet, but still.”
“I’d never sleep with Ford because you’re one of my best friends. Screw David.” Sophia laughs briefly and reaches across the table for my hand. “, I would never. I mean never .”
“I know. I feel like shit for even bringing it up. Like he’s winning now that I did.”
“No. I’m glad you told me. Because now I can kill him.”
I laugh. “Alex seems like he’s already on that. Apparently, they’re enemies in business.”
“Not if I beat him to it. Oh my God.” Sophia leans back, breathless. “And a couple weeks ago, I was vouching for the guy. I feel like an idiot.”
“Don’t. Seriously.” I burn with shame for even bringing it up to her. “The fact that someone so horrible gets to make us feel bad is a shame. We don’t realize how some people can lie and backstab because we can’t picture ever doing the same thing ourselves. Never feel bad for being a good person.”
“Thank you, . I guess I just wish I was a smarter person.” She gives an awkward chuckle. She sincerely seems a little hurt. But now that Ford’s accusation has been aired and buried, our lunch takes on a different tone.
“David turned out to be a bust, too. Just what I deserve.” Sophia makes a pouty face.
“Noooo. What happened?”
“He told me if we were in a relationship, I’d have to dress more conservatively. He doesn’t think thigh-length skirts are appropriate.”
“What?”
“He didn’t want me in anything too skimpy. Apparently, it would make him a cuckold or something.”
“You can’t be serious. He didn’t like that the sexy girl he was seeing was looking… sexy?”
“Something like that.” Sophia sighs. “I’m looking at things glass half-full. I feel like the bar is so low that the first guy I meet that is both handsome and not insecure, I’ll marry. I won’t even care if he has a thing for feet. Or noses, for that matter. I’ll take him. I have faith.”
“You never slept with David?”
“Nope. He mentioned this little requirement on the stairs up to his apartment.”
“Brutal.”
“Tell me about it.”
Work has distracted me from sex. That and having not seen Alex for days now. My blood has cooled. I’ve been able to focus.
I haven’t fixated on my anxieties or the shooting last week. Disassociating helps. My brain has tricked me into thinking that day was just a dream. It feels like it. A gunman on a motorcycle. Cheek to cheek with the gum-stained sidewalk. Those memories are of someone else’s life and are nothing Barnes needs to worry about.
My moments with Alex, on the other hand, I can’t pass off as dreams.
I remember too well his hand on my side, pressing on my ribs. His fingers on the inside of my thigh.
His eyes peering deeply into mine.
I need to stop thinking about him if I’m going to have any chance in the dating world. But while I’m still living with him, I’d be just as better off trying to forget how to breathe.