Alex
What the fuck. Those are the only words I let through my head for a few minutes until I’m jogging down the beach. The early Atlantic wind is freezing. Good. I could use a cold shock back to reality.
What am I supposed to do with this girl? She’s under my care for the foreseeable future, and I can’t just end up in that exact situation again.
Easy. Don’t climb into bed with her.
I lost myself in my work for so many hours that I even forgot Hailee was here. That’s exactly the kind of thing I need to be doing, minus sharing a bed with her by accident.
I picture her half naked from the waist down. Those big brown eyes staring up at me wantingly.
And oh, I wanted.
I’ve already pleasured myself once to the memory of finger-fucking her in the broom closet. Her little moans. How helpless she was that she had to bite my tuxedo to keep quiet. Fuck. She was putty in my hands, and that was the problem. I can’t take advantage of her like that. I can’t just have sex with her and toss her out like the other women who have come through my life.
My heart hurts when I think of doing that to Hailee. Not sexually. Or lovingly. It’s the guilt that hurts.
I could never simply sleep with Hailee and stop returning her texts.
She’s too good of a person. I like her too much. I frown as the wind stings my cheeks. Like her? Maybe I do a little. In the way that she won’t just roll over and treat me like a god on a pedestal when it comes to business. She’s different that way. Her ambitions are pure in a world where almost everybody’s aren’t.
So I like her as a person. It doesn’t mean it makes it any better for me to sleep with her. I picture my cock sliding against her labia.
What it would’ve been like to press every inch of myself into her. I have to resist this woman for weeks. I start to run faster. I pump my arms and my legs into a sprint until the burn in my lungs is all I can think about.
In a couple hundred yards, I come to the cove’s point. I can see a cooler left in the sand another hundred yards down the beach. It’s the electrician’s.
Bruce had found him around two a.m., night fishing in the surf, after another search of the property and promptly got him to leave. Hailee and I didn’t even have to sleep in the same bedroom.
I was just so burned out I fell into the sheets and crashed. And I’ll admit, the three strong scotches I had were no help.
I wipe my runny nose on the back of my hand. It’s one reason I don’t like to run when it’s this cold. My fingers are already bright red and stiff, and my face is completely numb. It’s supposed to be a hot day, but these September mornings by the North Atlantic are often freezing.
It’s far from silent where I stand, but the noise produces a different kind of solitude. Wind whirls in my ear, and the surf booms and hisses.
I picture the horns and sirens and shouting of New York. I used to live for that speed. Now I’m imagining running back to the cottage to see Hailee in nothing but her bra and panties making coffee in the kitchen.
No security.
No cameras.
No need.
I have an idea of what to do today, and it’s not work.
I can’t just avoid Hailee. I’ve spoken with the NYPD, and so far, they have no leads on finding out who these attempted assassins are or who hired them.
Eventually she’s going to have to go back to her apartment, but things may have to cool for weeks before Lucas won’t lose his mind over the idea.
Hailee and I must establish some kind of mature relationship in the meantime. I hate the idea of avoiding her after this. I’ve already tried that, and the guilt I feel in my gut has only become thicker.
I look out towards the ocean. There’s not a cloud in the sky. The high is supposedly going to reach the seventies, and the breeze from the northeast is strong. I get the beginnings of an idea.
I jog back to the house, half-hoping to see Hailee naked in the kitchen, but instead, big bald Bruce reads the newspaper at the table.
“Morning, sir.”
“Morning.”
I open the fridge and crack open a sports drink.
“I have some bad news,” Bruce says. “The paparazzi have shown up. There’s five men with cameras prowling the property line looking for a shot of you and Ms. Barnes.”
“Five?”
“You’re a big fish because of this money-laundering story. And to be candid, sir, there’s a bit of a boss-employee circus around your relationship with Ms. Barnes.”
“Right.” I’m confused why Bruce wouldn’t be monitoring the situation with the paparazzi on the cameras, but I know he’s not incompetent. Clyde must’ve arrived.
“I didn’t know I was that famous.”
“Do you think you should release a statement? Something saying you and Ms. Barnes aren’t dating perhaps.”
I look towards the stairs like Hailee might be coming down them. I’m nervous that she hasn’t shown herself yet. Maybe she’s so embarrassed that she’s going to be the one ignoring me from now on.
“No. They wouldn’t believe that anyway. It would probably just add more speculation to the fire.”
“I think your public image has never been more important. You wouldn’t want a grand jury to think less of you if it comes to the courts. Being that Hailee is an employee, I—”
“And you’re my security employee. Not public relations. I know you want to have my back in more ways than one, Bruce, but I don’t need any suggestions right now.”
“Of course, sir.” Bruce nods apologetically, but I’m glad he didn’t feel the need to say he was sorry. He’s not weak, and I’m not a tyrant.
“Has Ms. Barnes been up?”
“Yes, she asked if it was alright if she had a long walk by herself. I told her to stick to the beach. She went back upstairs, and I heard the shower about ten minutes ago.”
I have to make an effort not to picture her sudsing up her naked body. I still haven’t seen most of it, despite nearly having sex. This would be easier if I’d seen her without a T-shirt, but now most of her body remains a mystery. I want to take off that T-shirt. Suck on those breasts. My shower this morning will have to be cold.
I don’t like the sound of her wanting to walk alone. I chalk it up to the fact that she most likely thinks I’m going to be standoffish and distant, the way I had been earlier.
“I’ll make things easy for security today and get off the property. I’ll talk to Ms. Barnes, but have a car ready by ten.”
“Sure thing.”
I go back outside to wait for Hailee to finish dressing. I walk out to where the dune overlooks the ocean. I’m supposed to be running an empire, and here I am thinking about a woman.
This is the exact kind of thing I pitied men for caring about. Beholden to their families and not their life’s work.
What am I thinking? I can choose not to be infatuated with Hailee. Then, as if God himself wants to prove me wrong, I hear the screen door clap shut and turn so quick I nearly kink my neck.
Hailee is walking determinedly towards the beach in a green sweatshirt and jeans. Her hair is up, and she’s taking the south trail through the tall grass so that her back is to me.
I take a few quick steps towards her and then stop. Her arms are crossed, and her head is down against the breeze. It doesn’t look like a walk she’s going to enjoy. She, too, just wanted to get out of the house.
Away from me.
“Hailee!” I yell, but she doesn’t turn. I open my mouth, about to try again, when I stop. It is windy, but I’m not sure it’s loud enough for her not to hear me from only thirty yards away. She’s pretending.
I watch her walk, wondering if I fucked it up, but I’d probably be thinking the same if we’d slept together.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
I watch Hailee until she disappears behind a dune, and then I stick my hands into my pockets and walk back to the house.