Chapter 17
Frederique
The darkness seemed to make everything feel peaceful this time.
I was tired, but in a good way, my body limp and still loose from pleasure.
Sin had not retreated this time; he lay on the bed beside me, his arm curled around my back and his mouth pressed to the crown of my head, like he could not get enough.
It felt right, and my heart fluttered with hope.
Things might be a little tumultuous and rocky, but I was beginning to believe they’d work out.
I was beginning to slip away, drifting sleepily in the aftersex glow.
The last thing I expected was for Sin to indulge in a little soul-baring pillow talk; I figured I would have to pull every revelation out of him.
He offered this one in a husky whisper I barely heard: “I owe you an apology, Frederique.”
My mouth curled into a smile; there was hope for him yet.
“Yeah, you do. And you can call me Freddie, remember? I think at this point we’re well past the friend stage, don’t you think?
” He huffed, and, though I couldn’t see it, I was certain the corners of his mouth had twisted up into a half-smile.
He did not laugh easily, and every little hint of amusement felt like a victory to cherish.
“I am not calling you Freddie,” he told me firmly.
“Not a chance. We’ll settle for ‘mate.’ That’s what you are, and I should have admitted that.
It was wrong of me not to.” It was silent after he said that, and I let the words sink in.
The truth was, I hardly cared if he called me Freddie or Frederique; everything sounded good in his dark, husky voice, especially whispered in the dark.
He had admitted it, apologized, and that made me want to shout with joy and run in fear at the same time.
Easy to be the tough one shouting about honesty and commitment when it felt like the other was pulling away.
That was safe, in a way. Now he was the one saying we were meant to be, and it sent a hint of fear crawling up my spine.
Sure, my parents had been devoted to each other professionally, but had they loved?
I was not so sure. Did people really do that—love forever?
What if it would feel like a trap one day?
Sin wasn’t the only one who was a little messed up when it came to relationships.
“I’m keeping you, Frederique. You were right,” he said, emphasizing the finality of this choice.
Mated, married, bound—no way out. “As long as you understand that I do not share. Get it? I don’t share!
” He spat out those last words with such heated venom that I jerked upright.
In the dark, I couldn’t see his face very well, but his silver eyes glowed enough for me to see those.
He was serious, dead serious. No sharing?
I couldn’t say I was opposed, but Talacan males were all about sharing, weren’t they?
“Okay,” I started, but that didn’t seem good enough to him. He lunged up, and a light flicked on, glowing pale orange and silver on the nightstand beside the bed. It cast shadows over his face and lit up the sharp angle of his jaw, reminding me how intense he was, and how insanely handsome.
“Vow it, Frederique. I am the only male for you, there will be no others!” He picked up my hand and pressed it to his bare chest; his heart pounded furiously beneath my palm.
My mouth went dry, my tongue flicking out to lick my lips from nerves.
This was intense, crazy intense. Humans didn’t commit like this, did they?
My mind flashed to the circle of ladies and their tea from that afternoon, reminding me that each and everyone of them had an alien mate aboard this ship—one they had, in fact, committed themselves to in exactly such a way.
“I’m not very keen on that whole sharing thing either, Sin.
One of you is more than enough. I don’t get it, though,” I said.
It was not quite a vow, but it seemed to placate him.
“Aren’t Talacan very into the whole multiple-males-type relationship?
” We’d had a foursome on the Lancing Light, and they had all been utterly devoted to one another. It had honestly been a delight to see.
“Well, I’m not,” he bit out, and then he sighed, his hand going up to rub at the back of his neck.
“Let me hold you,” he added, and we curled onto the bed together, his arms going around me to hold me close.
It was a sign that he felt uneasy, vulnerable, but rather than push me away, he was seeking my comfort instead.
It was a thrill, one I loved, and one that told me I was far more ready for a true commitment than my rational mind wanted to believe.
We were both a bit of a mess; perhaps that’s why this was going to work, why we were meant to be.
“You’re not?” I prompted very quietly when he said nothing at all.
His hand was stroking along my spine, tempting me with pleasure rather than words each time his hand dipped just a little lower.
If I let him, I was pretty sure he’d avoid answering in exchange for a little seduction.
This was important, though, I was getting to see a part of him he didn’t share with anyone.
So I reached behind me and grabbed his hand, pulling it around my waist and pinning it against my belly.
His fingers twitched as if he thought about fighting, but then they settled.
“I don’t think I was ever wired the same way other Talacan are.
I was wrong, I didn’t fit. Growing up… we are supposed to find our males first, but I had no interest. When I found out the female I was seeing was seeing others too, I beat him up.
I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop it.
”My heart went out to him. Sin as a teenager was nearly impossible to picture, but I had no doubt that he would have been serious and intense back then too.
Add serious hormonal changes and testosterone, it was no wonder he’d done something like that.
I had a feeling he’d still do it if he thought a guy so much as looked at me the wrong way.
“My fathers took me aside and tried to set me straight, but I wouldn’t hear it.
My mother told me to leave if I couldn’t control myself, and that’s the last I ever saw them.
I left Talac and never looked back.” His voice was low, just above a whisper now, calm and steady.
I felt the pain anyway. For his family to throw him aside just because he did not conform… it was terrible.
“They tried to find me once,” he admitted, when I curled more tightly against him, the only way I knew how to offer comfort.
He didn’t need to explain more; I understood it now.
“They regretted it, you know? But I was still angry, and then… the Sons of Ragnar took me in, and time just passed differently.” He didn’t say it, but I had a feeling he’d had reason to run from that family, too—that he was different from them as well, and had not fit in.
His symbiont was silver, after all, but they were supposed to be black.
“It’s okay, Sin. I’m really not looking for a traditional Talacan relationship. That’s… honestly, I think you’re going to drive me crazy enough as it is. I couldn’t handle another guy, don’t want to.” And then, though that felt heavy, intense, and scary to admit: “I only want you.”
Sin didn’t say things like “I love you,” or “You’re my one.
You’re the only one I want, too.” I didn’t think he had it in him to admit such sentiments.
He knew how to show me with his touch, though, and that was more than enough for now.
With a growl, he rolled us, pinning me beneath him, and then he made sure every inch of me remembered his claim.
It didn’t matter that he’d already done that, that he’d tied me to his bed not long ago and warned me about all the ways he’d ensure he’d keep me.
Under his touch, passion flared bright and hot. I embraced it, welcomed it. We could have this right now, and worry about the future—and how we’d make these things fit—later.